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RE: Advice Please
July 26, 2006
4:34 pm
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amnie
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Hello,
I am now to this discussion board- I have visited this site before. I know I have issues w. codependcy and I think my x does too. I have a 14 month old daughter- he is the only guy I've ever dated and the father of my daughter- he smokes pot lots but does well in school- he wants to get back together and I Really care about him and want to too- but I can't afford cousleing and I don't want to keep breaking up and getting back together- please give me advice. tHanks šŸ™‚ ~Amnie

July 26, 2006
4:45 pm
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Anonymous
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Amnie,
I have no experience with drug abuse so to speak,but I will say present him with the ultimatum....the pot or you and your daughter.If you care as much as you say you do,then have him stop smoking.If he refuses,you have your answer,he's too selfish and self involved to be committed to you.It is not your job to get him or you guys as a couple therapy.If he needs therapy,he's a big boy,he needs to obtain that for himself.I do not mean to sound harsh,and I realize the situation is not that black and white.But truly,don't keep breaking up and reuniting,stop playing the game.He thinks he can continue the cycle if he pouts long or hard enough.Put your daughter first in this,I guarantee you feel tons better about this.

July 26, 2006
4:57 pm
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Giggles_29
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Amnie, you have to think about what's best for you & your daughter. I recently have just seperated from my bf of 13yrs and yes he too is a drug addict. He is clean and sober now and has been for almost a year, BUT his behaviors are still there because he is not focusing on himself and his recovery.
Codependency is a learned behavior. Think about what kind of role model you want for your daughter. More than likely she will try to find characteristics in a man that her father has. That is where they learn about relationships, from us parents.
You are not alone that's for sure. I wish you the best of luck. Please be strong for you and your child. šŸ™‚

July 26, 2006
6:21 pm
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StronginHim77
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I guess you have to choose between this guy and your child. Putting it simply, why would you permit a pot-smoker around your child? Either he gets off the illegal drugs or he is out of your lives. Your child deserves better than this...so do YOU. Addiction to mind-altering substances (whether alcohol, drugs, bootleg Rx's, etc.) is a selfish, selfish sport. He is choosing escape from Reality over his responsibilities as a father. Doesn't say much for his character.

I can understand that you have strong feelings for the man who fathered your child, but you also need to face the Truth about him. Is he a responsible, productive adult? Is he clean of all use of illegal substances? Or is he willing to expose you and his child to the consequences of his pot-smoking? If he were busted for the drugs while in your home or car, YOU might wind up being arrest with him and your child would end up in Court-ordered foster care. Have you considered that?

A very, very high price to pay. Always consider the possible consequences of the serious choices you are making. This choice is a HUGE one. The WRONG choice could jeopardize you and your child.

- Strong

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