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Ramblings from the other side.....
October 18, 2001
5:57 pm
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1dvsgirl
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I will get out of bed today no how much I long to stay here hidden from the world.

I will look at myself in the mirror and see my big booty and the new zit on my forehead and love myself because of them not in spite of them.

I will smile. Not a fake painted on for the sake of the world smile, but a real smile about anything, no matter how small, that strikes my happy bone.

I will say NO and feel no guilt. I am not responsible for the world and all it's problems (no matter what my mom says :))

I will be proud of the work in progress that I am and I will remember that no one is PERFECT, even me.

I will remember sometimes everything isn't OK and I don't have to fix it.

I will express what I am feeling instead of locking it inside to eat at my soul. I will cry without shame or fear, laugh without worrying if anyone else finds it funny, scream to the wind all of my frustrations just to hear them blow away, and love like I did before I ever got hurt or learned how to stop it.

I will eat a bacon cheeseburger WITH fries AND a shake and not mentally calculate how many miles I have to run to make up for it.

I will call someone I love today just to say "hi"

I will stand in the Northwest rain and thank the higher powers for the gift that today is and the gift they gave me by letting me experience it.

I will tuck my son in after the 100th time he's stalled to not go to bed and tell him I love him so that he will never question it.

I will lay down at the end of the day and know that no matter what happened or as often is the case WHO happened I am a very special person who deserves to have her needs met, her soul nurtured & Cherry Garcia ice cream.

I will respect and love myself at all times because I have to do it first, but more importantly - NOW I want to do it first.

I will not apologize or make excuses for my feelings as if they don't matter.

I will let someone know when they break my boundaries instead of suffering in silence.

I will not be content with my cage - no matter how gilded. I will fly beyond it into freedom of soul & spirit.

I will be sad and mourn the things I have lost, but will not become mired in the depression that is waiting for the invitation to come back to stay.

I will rejoice that I am alive.

I will make another list tomorrow and everyday after until I don't need it anymore

October 18, 2001
10:16 pm
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Molly
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And we will celebrate you.

October 19, 2001
4:57 pm
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gypsygirl
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Thank you, I have been making lists everyday as to why I should be happy that day, then I e-mail it to my good friend. I find you list to express everything I am feeling right now. Only you can say it much better than me.

October 19, 2001
6:50 pm
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pill
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I'v emailed this list to myself and will add to it hopefully every day.

Thanks for sharing!

October 21, 2001
12:14 pm
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eve
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šŸ™‚

thanks

October 23, 2001
5:14 pm
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1dvsgirl
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Thanks you guys - I'd just been having one of those weeks and decided to do something POSITIVE with it instead of retreating farther back. I'm still making lists and I am still "processing" through all the stuff from the break-up. Everyday gets better and all the support I get from here is part of it!

October 23, 2001
5:42 pm
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Ladeska
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WOW!!!! And these are things "I live for"....to see THIS! My, my, my....what a lovely display of LIFE!! Feels good, don't it? Feels damned good, huh? Very proud of you.....very proud. You blew that out of yourself with alot of gusto and it came from somewhere - it came from "little ole you". Lots of other positive energy in there where that came from. So keep that barn door wide open and stuff a roll of toilet paper in those other ones! (smile)

You have no idea how my eyes....love reading this....is like watching a flower bloom in slow motion...

October 24, 2001
6:08 pm
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1dvsgirl
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It is so great to see the positive energy that is still flowing from this thread!!! And girlfriend it is like a flower blooming - a garden I'm planting myself šŸ™‚ Blondie - you hit the nail on the head - it is so important to LIKE yourself because of the life you've lived not in spite of it. When I started to explore me and get to know me I realized something about life - Life doesn't happen to you, it happens FOR you. It's what you take from the experiences and the lessons you learn that are important! Keep the faith - I am finally

October 24, 2001
6:19 pm
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Ladeska
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1dvsgirl...you just keep on "making my day, don't you?" (smiles) Amen and amen.

So funny how we try to water the garden from the outside in when in all reality if your spout isn't reaching in to where the sprouts are - why bother?

The wellspring has to begin "within".

October 24, 2001
6:21 pm
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Ladeska
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Blondie... And the smile is what lights everything up, makes crows feet dance, makes jowls jump to attention, puts rosie in our cheeks and makes whatever shadows disappear...again, it is a person's "presence" that tells the world - who they are and radiates beauty and grace from a place that superficial vanity could never compare to. I've never seen you and am quite sure you are truly "beautiful".

October 25, 2001
11:31 am
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Ladeska
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Blondie....well, actually I'm a little blondie, too! From a bottle of course! (smile) Used to have the long med. brown hair though, it's shoulder length now. And my nickname has often been "legs". Do have a few things in my closet that are leopard and snakeskin. Love hats and sunglasses, so you weren't too far off!

It's funny but, I love to dress-up and it's really hard to find people who like to do that. I'm not out-there by any stretch because I've always had jobs where I have to behave myself... (smile) But, do have many things in my closet that you might find in a little girl's dress-up box. No, I appreciate the compliments from you. Can pretty much tell when something is sincere and when it's not. (smile) Thank you!

October 25, 2001
6:44 pm
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Ladeska
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P.J. parties are Great! I had the best time with my daughters and their friends. Just had a blast! I was always known as "the mother who was just a little bit whacked!" But, we had loads of fun.. Miss all that. Hard to find women my age who still like to be crazy. I'm 47, but look ten years younger and act about 30 years younger. Really irritates people who had rather I "act my age". And what's the point of all that...ALL the time? Borrrinnnggg....snore....

I just like to get a rise outa people sometimes. Is good for em. Gets their pacemakers movin' and anything else attached to it! LOL! If they blow out a corncob that got stuck, well good for them!!!

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