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Raj needs help
February 19, 2001
10:02 am
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Raj
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Hello,
Is ther anyone who can help me to clear my conflict in mind

February 19, 2001
10:04 am
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Raj
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I am getting severe pain in my Neck followed by a severe Headache & acidity. I have a habit of over thinking on any issues, this habit is giving me serious stress & tentions.
Doctors have said that the x-rays of my Neck & other reports are ok.

Actually i like a girl, she also likes me her parents also like me & my parents also like the girl. But the problem is that her height is only 5" feets & mine is 6" feets. This thing is giving me serious stress. I am not able to either reject her or accept her. The only thing bothering me is her height. In all other respect i like her. Is ther any one who can help me out of the situation.

February 19, 2001
12:23 pm
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Cici
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Why is her height a problem? I'm 5' tall and I've dated men ranging from 5'6" to 6'3" and they all accepted me for me.

February 19, 2001
3:30 pm
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Alena
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Whoa, this is the kind of thing that causes you actual physical illness???

I'm sorry, but in the big picture of life,....this is nothing to sweat about. It's not like she's a dwarf or you're a giant. I'm sure you don't even look weird together. I'm 5'2", my husband is 6'3", ........and anyway, if you like everything else about her, what does it matter even if you DID look weird?? How about someone who was the perfect height for you (I don't know what that would be).... and she was a b-tch? Would that be better?

Please try to chill and see how lucky you are to find someone whom you and everyone else likes. Just go for it.
And please.....RELAX.....you're gonna end up with ulcers.

February 19, 2001
10:03 pm
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pg lova
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Raj,

Her height should not be a factor. If you really love her, and she loves you, then you two should be together. As the old saying goes, "love endures ALL things." It seems to me you have your head on straight. Do not allow this to ruin a potentially good relationship. As for the stress, try relaxation methods. Some people would say that one thing is or isn't something that makes sense to be stressed over, but I won't. My sentiments is that if it stresses you out, then there may be something stressful about it to you that another individual might not see. At any rate, try systematic desensitization. What are some things that you like (e potato chips, cookies, swimming)? Try doing something you like everytime you think about this issue. eventually your body will begin to associate the issue with something pleasant. Also, if you want her and she wants you, hook up. I once made the mistake of ruining an excellent relationship over something silly (the girl's tendency to be loud at inappropriate times sometimes), now I don't have her, and of every relationship I have been in, she was the best.

PG Lova

Ps If you ever need to talk, just e-mail me at [email protected]

February 22, 2001
10:22 am
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Raj
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Thanks Cici, Alena & pg lova,
It may sound for u all unusual but still I am under serious conflict. Sometimes I think that she is absolutely fit for me & I get happy by the thought itself, but suddenly her height again starts to bother me. I think that if this conflict remains in my mind it will be bad for our future relationship.

We both have graduated in same field. Also many of our interests & thinking do match. She is 20 & I am 24. But her height really bothers me. Somewhere in the past i have seen a Psychiatrist on T.V saying that, where a couple have same interests their relationship does not lasts long. Sometimes I feel like her height may increase in future by 3-5 inches. But I certainly don’t want to remain under any false belief. All other persons including my parents & sisters have left the decision on me, they too think that the girl is very good but her height is very short. This thing is giving me serious stress. Though i go out daily mix with my clients & friends talk with them also laugh with them but still from inside every moment there exist this conflict in my mind. Sometimes the confusion doesn’t let me fall asleep. Doctors have prescribed sedatives & tranquillizers to me, but I don’t take them for their serious side effects.

Really I am not able to either reject or accept her. Both things bother me all the time. Today I have only one thought that in future I should not regret my decision. I also want my married life to last forever without any conflicts.

February 23, 2001
12:55 am
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Raj
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Please Please help me in solving my conflict & taking a wise Decision.

February 23, 2001
5:08 am
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the problem isnt in her height.
i know too, i have also been in a situation in which i was doubting whether she was gonna be best for me or not.

like all said, for a happy marriage, height doesnt matter.

i know a very nice girl whos very short. and some tall girls who r not so nice.

the thing is ur own insecurity. you are unsure of yourself and indecisive (i know i am also like that but im trying to get better now)

so for right now, just relax and try to forget about the hieght.
know in your mind that your worrying her hiegth is actually a sign of ur own insecurity.

so now ur going to ask, what to do about it?
well if one is weak from inside, its hard work learning to be strong. but keep at it, dont give up.
oh man.. im in the same place u are, but u know atleast i know that its ME who is lacking.

try to see happy people, and see why and how they are happy. what type of people are happy.
u will see see couples that look very handsome and beautiful but they are not happy as some other couples who are NOT so beautiful and hansome as they are.

so ur picture of the world is colored and not genuine. try to look what is the REAL happiness about.
is it about hieght? its not ..

i know u want to live ur married life without conflicts..
i feel so much the same.

ask urself, why you really like this girl ? what is important to you?

even common interests dont matter.
infact, they should be helpful i guess.
its the mental connection that matters most! do u agree ? good luck

February 23, 2001
5:11 am
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in my opinion, your decision should be to forget the girl and focus on yourself instead cause thats where you need the work. i promise you.
i know this is very blunt advise and maybe u cant even think of doing it.
im in the same place as you. i have studied books, internet and therapy and done medication. the problem is inside you, not outside.

February 26, 2001
2:21 am
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Raj
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Oh boy oh boy !!!! i don't know guest_guest what did you guessed, i am certainly not that kind of person. There is no kind of insecurity in me.

February 26, 2001
2:37 am
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Raj
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But u r very right in saying that the problem is in me & thats why i am here for help. i really am not concerned of anything else. just the height factor is giving me depression. i know that for other persons this may be a very small issue but for me this is'nt & that's why i am under stress. please please guide me & don't make me feel guilty get ur self in my place & think twice & thrice. even though height may not be a great issue for u all but for me it is as i stand at 6"feets i know that short people r not bad & that's why the stress comes please don't misunderstand me guest_guest & other people. All i need is help sincere help.

February 26, 2001
6:51 am
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i wanted to help and guide you and maybe try to point out the problem.
the only thing that matters in marraige that you love her for what she is, right. like cici said... she was accepted by her bf's for what she was. sigh.. i dont know man..
i can visualize you being happy with this girl but it can only happen if you trash all those questions coming to your mind 'what will ppl say? will we look odd?' if thats what ure thinking.
the think is to be strong.. u have to be so strong so as not to be bothered by it. what is the exact thing why u are worried about her height.
but if its a really big problem, then just wait for the girl which u think is fine for u. what can i say .. good luck

February 26, 2001
11:35 am
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gingerleigh
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This is a bizarre thread. I don't say that judgementally, or mean to offend anyone, but it's just surreal.

I am a tall female myself, and have been often times passed over (passed under? ha!) by shorter men that I really liked because they didn't want to be with someone taller than they were. I've heard of guys not wanting to be with chubby chicks, but short? And she's 5', not 3'. Ask her to wear high heels if you think that would be attractive.

What does shortness mean to you? And, if you're as confident as you claim to be, why do her looks matter to you at all? Do you feel like her being short is a bad reflection on you?

Just curious.

February 27, 2001
12:44 am
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Raj
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i think u all people r right i have to be somewhat positive & look towards the brighter side. I think her height has given rise to the other negative thoughts. if she would have been 4-5 inches taller i would have never been so worried. thanks for the help freinds i am rethinking the issue. please keep ur fingers crossed for me.

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