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Quite a personal statement
October 23, 2006
7:43 pm
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thisismyscreenname
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September 24, 2010
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Hello all, I send you all my warm greeting.

I have been two therapists, and quit them both.

I have issues with sex. And I'm actually thinking I should goto the regular doctor and have some blood tests done, just to check hormones. When I was 21 my doctor actually gave me viagra, with which I had pleasurable sexual intercourse with my ex girlfriend for 3 hours and at least 20 minutes.

Lately though, I'm 25 now, and I still worry basically that I have secret desires to be with men and that I'm really gay. Even tonight I was thinking about men, I guess, and seemed more turned on than usual, I guess.

I'm going to try and go deep within, and also see the doctor. It just seems like that may even not be enough, so maybe I should seek talk therapy, again, from all I learned from the toxic talk therapy to try and seek good stuff.

My first therapist of a year and a half left things off in grave disagreements, but we never talked about sex. One time he tried to ask me in a backwards ass way if I had homosexual tendencies. The question just seemed innappropriate. My last therapist was a sex therapist. And during the course of our therapy she said basically, "it sounds like your straight" To later acting like we had concluded that we said I've been gay at all times. At this point I left therapy. Twice I've faced down and rejected these professionals, no doubt, while doing so, completely disregarding the fact that they think they are competent. I probably could have gotten better therapy from a gas station ATM. By keeping the 75 dollars in my wallet for sessions.
My sister used to call me gay a lot growing up. I remember I was outside a bar like a year ago and this drunk girl tried to kiss me really violently. And I seemed troubled by this, and a large group of mid to upper 20 something girls were calling me gay. It didn't feel good.
However, I can remember two very sexual times I had with woman; and more than that. But, I remember making out with my high school sweetheart in front of a lot of people and being very turned on. And I remember kissing my ex girlfriend from college in the back of my friends car, and just being completely blown away.
I think in sex therapy I tried to ask, like, is it possible this stuff with men is just some sort of perversion. But she couldn't answer anything like that.
At least I have some new angles, like the medical doctor. I remember when I was 21 he said I was near the top of the testosterone scale. I should find out if thats still true and what that means.
It can hurt me sometimes, that the sex therapist said I was like completely gay when we left it off. And maybe I am or maybe not, I just need to relax as I get too emotional talking about these issues that I can't think.

And my life winds up wasting away more than being lived.

October 23, 2006
8:16 pm
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sleepless in uk
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September 30, 2010
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Hi

I dont know if I can be much help. Im a hetrosexual woman and have never been sexually attracted to another woman and the gay friends I have, although they may have had problems, tell me they are not in any way sexually attracted to the opposite sex.

But there are lots of people who can be attracted to members of both sexes; and enjoy sexual liaisons with both men and women.

I was going to say perhaps you are gay but would prefer not to be, but you describe your encounters with girls as being stimulating and the sex as being pleasurable so that probably isnt the case.

Im sorry you have had such lousy luck with therapists. Do you think it would be worth having another go with someone else? Or calling one of the gay helplines who offer confidential support.

I dont have a lot of experience to offer but I wish you well and hope you dont beat yourself up over the way you are feeling. Lots of us have been confused about who we are....

perhaps someone else will understand better than I about the conflict you are dealing with

sleepess

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