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questions on mental disorders?????
April 20, 2004
8:26 pm
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dmuller82
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can anyone enlighten me on phychological disorders and how they can be passed onto future generations. My mother has a long history of mental illness in her family and I want to know what some of the sighn I should look for regarding obsessive/compulsive......and bipolar and as well......this contol freak issue. I don't know. I do know that she drinks alot...never gets mean but her attitude changes and she becomes arrogant and degrading to others as well as me....I've still got a feeling that we will not have a long term relationship....I've gone to therapy regardiing these issues but I have never seemed to actually get to the roo tof the problem.....and to make matters worse she won't talk about it. Please help
-D

April 20, 2004
9:09 pm
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Zinnie
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Hi D.,

I have some information on this, both from research and personal - I will write about this tomorrow...

Talk to you soon!

Z.

April 20, 2004
9:38 pm
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dmuller82
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Thanks Z. Looking forward to it. Have a nice evening.-D

April 21, 2004
1:38 am
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free
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Did you mean that you and your mother won't have a long term relationship? Are you the one who might be obsessive/compulsive and maybe bipolar?

Just trying to understand the post

free

April 21, 2004
12:08 pm
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Dmuller-

It is good to educate oneself on these things. But when doing so, regarding both oneself and/or other people, beware of attaching labels and stereotyping. Sometimes a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing. Make sure your sources are reliable and pursue this with loving care (again, regarding both yourself and/or others).

I once read a book on a past mis-diagnosis that was given me and it really upset me and had me wondering around shocked and frightened by it for weeks. Be careful. Especially with materials written for lay people, there are a lot of money grabbers out there in the "self-help" industry. Seek adivice and recommendations by a professional. Maybe you don't have to make an appointment? Perhaps they would do the courtesy of answering a phone call or have a nurse take a note for a drop by visit that wouldn't require much of their time?

Just concerned. -ella

April 21, 2004
3:51 pm
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acj
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dmuller82----

My heart is with you. I have a history of schitzophrenia (sp?) in my family, my mother is obviously and undiagnosed bipolar sufferer and she also has deep codependency/abandonment issues.

Because you are aware of the history, you have a much better chance of stopping the cycle. You have the tools needed to live your life to the fullest. When my daughter and I finally moved completely to another state from my mother, the weight that was lifted off of my shoulders was amazing! I felt so free and liberated! And I know that my daughter stands a chance of living a normal, full live without guilt, shame, and can stand up for herself. The knowledge of knowing that she'll stand a chance, is AWESOME!!

The cycle can be stopped. It begins with you!

Best of luck!

acj

April 21, 2004
5:52 pm
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dmuller82
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thank you to all of you who responded......acj said it best...I am very interested in stopping the cycle before it even begins. I am fully aware of stereotyping and offending individuals which is why I am trying to educate myself on ways to approach this very sensitive subject. the reason that I do not see a long term relationship with my mother in the future is because I can not get her to talk with me about the issues involving out relationship and for once I am standing up for myself and I refuse to let her issues with control dictate my life. The reason I went to therapy regarding these issues is so thatI could learn some ways to approach this.....not to recieve a diagnosis myself. I want desperately to feel independant of her and liberated from these feelings I am sensing....I was just wondering if anyone has any adivce concerning this....I curious if anyone else has delt with a controling parent and how did they overcome it? Thanks -D

April 22, 2004
6:28 am
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snookers
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I have been diagnosed with Anxiety, depression, compulsive, disorder. That is a mouth full. In a nut shell, people with anxiety are most likely control freaks. Any form of abuse as a child or an adult can cause you to try to control situations that you could not control as a child or in an abusive situation. There are alot of books out there on different disorders. Yes, some disorders can be passed on, but with therapy and alot of knowledge you can beat and change anything you choose to change. I am proof of that. I was a compulsive shopper and a compulsive eater!!! I ate and shopped to make myself feel better when in fact it made me unhealthy and broke. Go to the library and start reading!!!!! There is alot of information out there and on the internet. Good Luck!!!

April 22, 2004
8:37 am
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acj
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dmuller82

My mother is very controlling and manipulative. She used guilt and shame as disciplinary tools. I supported her for three years because she hurt her back. When she finally received her settlement and began receiving SS disability, she bought her a house. I lived with her for a couple of months to get my finances in order and move out. When the time came, she tried to turn my daughter against me and make her choose between her and me to live with. She knew that I would not leave without my daughter. At that very moment, when my daughter was screaming and crying and I was about to hit my mother, I knew it had to stop. I calmed the situation down, waited for a week, and planned my escape. I knew my mother wouldn't let me move out without a big situation. I took off work early one day, went to my daughter's school and picked her up. I had a blanket, a pillow, some food, my daughter's favorite teddy bear and my last paycheck. I left Virginia immediately and headed straight to Florida. After a few months, I received court papers. She was fighting for custody/visitation. I didn't know that VA would have 6 months sovereignty over my daughter after I left. After 3 trips to VA for court, and having to make arrangements in FL for my daughter (I wasn't about to take her to VA to be snatched from me after I'd fought so hard), the courts finally dismissed the case because my mother wouldn't get psychiatric help. I was lucky. If she had, I would have had a harder fight.

We talk now, after 3 years of silence. But the relationship is on MY terms. If I hear any type of guilt trip or manipulative behavior, I immediately bring it to her attention. She knows that if she tries that shit again that I will have NO trouble never talking to her again.

Yes, I wish I had a normal mother where I could trust her to let my daughter visit her for a week during the summer. Yes, I wish I didn't have to monitor EVERY phone call between her and my daughter. But, I'm dealing with the cards dealt me and my daughter and I are doing great!

There is nothing like a child to really get your head on straight about what's important in life and why boundaries are important.

Hope my story helps....

acj

April 22, 2004
9:25 am
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dmuller82
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acj....thank you so much for your inspirational story. Yes it most definately did help. My mother cams from an abusive home growing up and I can understand her control issue and overprotectiveness......her mother and father were horrible and to be quite honest I had a great childhood.......My mom was forunate to be stay at home mom and she did everything possible to help out at school, with field trips, parties and in the like....I do believe that she now though is relizing that I am about to totally leave the nest .....however I always take time to call and tell her how much she means to me and that I love her and I appreciate how much she does for me....butOn the same hand I do wish she back off just a tad.She has her good days and her bad....my aunt told me that conversations and such are going to have to be on my terms....so I remember that every time I talk to her. I keep things brief and matter of fact. I think that if I keep on doing these things, everyhting will turn out ok but I still hate the fact that I have to walk on eggs around her and monitor what we talk about with each other. I do desire a normal relationship and I hope it will get better when I am finished with school and am completely out from under them financially.I'm ready to make things work. I just hate that I'm going to have to plan out how to deal with her on a day to day basis from now on out.....oh well.....like you said "these are the card delt to me, and I just have to deal the properly." Thank you so much for you insight and caring words....have a great day...-D

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