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questionable support from a friend
November 2, 2011
5:10 pm
New Member
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
October 13, 2011
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Hi...just looking for some outside input.  My cousin and I have been close since we were kids.  Throughout our lives our friendship has ebbed and flowed but we remain very close.  We are only a year apart in age and share very similar outlooks on spirituality and life in general.  Our relationship is long distance so we deal with a 3 hour time change to communicate and she does not use email to keep in touch.  She barely uses text messaging.  Through the course of our adult relationship she has given me great support and she is nonjudgemental and loving.  However, (I am finally getting to the point) she is not dependable.  She will make phone dates and then not keep them....frequently.  She will literally stand me up.  This went on when we were young, in our twenties, and of course now that she is married with kids it has gotten worse.  I take our phone dates seriously and plan around them. I have mentioned this to her and her resolution is to not make dates, therefore she won't disappointment me...but it continues to happen.  At the moment I am going through one of the toughest life experiences in my adult life.  It has resulted in the end of my marriage and inability to work due to legal issues.  Obvously I am drawing on the support of those closest to me during this difficult time.  When my cousin finds the time she is her typical loving and supportive self.  However, she doesn't make time to contact me.  She will text me and tell me she is available during 2 and 3 o'clock so if I am available to call her.   Or she will text and say she is in the car for a half an hour so if I can call her now she is available.  Am I being selfish to expect that a life long, close friend to be more open to coordinating communication...or making an effort?  Particularly while I am dealing this very difficult time?  Or should I just accept her for her capability and chose how much to turn to her for support?

Thanks for your thoughts. 

November 9, 2011
10:33 pm
Forum Posts: 572
Member Since:
February 9, 2011
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline



Maybe it's best if you tell her your feelings about the situation and she might also have some thoughts about it. You might have been communicating but there's a lack of openness to each others' individuality. Sometimes, you should to learn to realize that both of you have different lives to face and handle. Maybe she was busy on something important during the time that you needed her and vice versa.

Friendship/relationship is a give and take process and understanding is the main key to make it last. If you love her as your couzin and your friend then you should accept and understand her shortcomings cause no one is perfect. And for sure she would also accept and understand you on times that you won't be available to be with her.


Wishing you well.

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