Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
Question for the Guys
June 17, 2005
1:17 am
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

What is the most important element for men in a relationship, what makes you feel good about it? On a scale of 1-10, where is "being respected" an where is "being Loved". In other words, too, would you rather be disrepected or unloved and alone?

June 17, 2005
7:54 am
Avatar
artist 2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

yes, please tell.

June 17, 2005
10:49 am
Avatar
glittered when he walked
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Being respected and loved are both important. I think many men are raised to be providers and taught to not depend on others but are taught to provide for others.

This necessarily means placing a lot of value on being respected. perhaps more so than the majority of women place on being respected.

Are you asking because you want to how what men think and feel differently than women? How much they value love and respect?

In the final analysis all humans want to be loved and respected. simply put..can't we have both?..must we be forced to choose? can we love someone without respecting them? I suppose some do but I wonder, are those persons loving well?

June 17, 2005
10:53 am
Avatar
kathygy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'm wondering what is promting you to ask this question at this time. Love and respect need to go hand-in-hand. Why are you dicotomizing these two aspects?

June 17, 2005
2:54 pm
Avatar
enoch
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

what am I the only guy around? hmmmm....
The most important elementS for me in a relationship ARE MUTUAL TRUST, RESPECT AND GENUINE LOVE. No not the words...that and a dollar will get you a cup of coffee or a phone call. I want to see it in action. Feelings can be misleading. I want to love, and I like the way it feels, so I overlook.

What makes you feel good about it?
depends on what you mean by IT... if it is the relationship, then it is how we interact in positive ways...
if it is the What, then its either the way we look at each other, the way we laugh... ya know the wavelength thing... or it could be the jello parties on tuesdays.

On a scale of 1-10, where is "being respected" an where is "being Loved".
1 low, 10 high
"being respected" 8
"being Loved". 8

In other words, too, would you rather be disrepected or unloved and alone?
What kind of a choice is this???
I get what I put out... I respect, I love... cause that is the right thing. how you treat people is up to you, some will take it, others won't and v/v

June 20, 2005
7:13 pm
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

haven't been on the threads for a few...but actually the only reason I asked is because I wanted to compare results here to a book
I have just finished..a survey about men...the book is called "For Women Only".

June 20, 2005
7:38 pm
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Respect is a precondition for love.

A person who treats you disrespectfully can is not loving you. A person who behaves toward you in a loving way is not being disrespectful.

So I suppose I would rather be loved--then I would be getting both respect and love.

June 20, 2005
7:45 pm
Avatar
gazelle
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I once asked a bf if he would he prefer to be: A) Found sexually attractive, B) Admired for his talents, intelligence, achievements etc or C) Understood (emotionally).

His reply was instant. I asked my current bf the same thing, with the same instant reply.

WD, enoch, glittered & other males - what would you say???

[Oops, sorry, OMW, for hijacking your thread. But it is kinda related & interesting too, n'est-ce pas?]

I & my bf agree with Worried Dad that love includes respect (though not necessarily vice-versa.)

Blessings - gazelle.

June 21, 2005
10:07 am
Avatar
glittered when he walked
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

what would i prefer? or are you asking what is more important to me? being desireable? being respected? or being loved?

I really wouldn't want any one of those choices if it necessitated not having the others. would you?

The underlying point here is that according to many books and learned folks, most men would say they place more value on being respected, while most women would say they place more value on being loved. And I think that is an accurate assessment. But i don't think it follows that men want to be unloved nor do most women want to be disrespected.

I think being loved and respected are both important. Can you be loved and disrespected at the same time? Is respect a prerequisite for love? Is being understood emotionally a prerequisite for love? I think the answer is yes to both. Which do i place more value on? I value them both but my honest answer is being respected.

I don't know if I can tell you waht makes relationships work well, but I can tell you what will make trouble for heterosexual relationships. Invalidate your woman's feelings and make her feel unloved; and disrespect your man (especially in front of a group of guys or a group of couples). there's a recipe for disaster. The only happy people there are the marriage counselors and the divorce lawyers.

June 21, 2005
12:17 pm
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Just ask the guys on AAC.. :-)appreciate the honest answers here for this post, and as always respect your opinions. True,... love and respect go hand in hand.

June 21, 2005
12:19 pm
Avatar
revelation
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

If you don't respect someone then you can't love them. simple as that.
So...it must also be true that you can't love someone that doesn't respect you...therefore, people who say "Oh but I love him/her" when asked why they stay with someone who treats them like crap...Are they lying? Or are they dillusional?

June 21, 2005
12:22 pm
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

rev...very good point!!!

June 21, 2005
4:49 pm
Avatar
glittered when he walked
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well, I think it is possible to love someone who doesn't respect you. For example I'm sure that many folks have loved someone who abused them. I don't think they are delusional or lying..but just because you love someone doesn't mean you should be with them. I think they really do love them. However, I don't think they should stay or tolerate the behavior just because of the love. Should mothers stop loving rotten children?

We don't choose who we come to love, that happens on its own, but we do choose with whom we make/share a life. Sometimes we have to choose to be separate from the ones we love because their problems make the relationship unhealthy. Don't therpaists often speak of detaching from such a person, but to do it with love?

June 22, 2005
3:35 pm
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

glitterd, you make very sound points. What I wonder though, is, by not really having any control sometimes of WHO we fall in love with, which sometimes may be more of a wreckless decision rather than a time-tested choice, wouldn't it be better to be more selective in who we date, take it slow, make decisions based on what we like and do not like?

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
29
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111165
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
anissafield, Aemorph, CaitlynForlong, AndrinNetzer, MaarcusPedersen, MarcusPedersen
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information