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Question about codependency
May 24, 2005
11:42 pm
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Hales
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My T recently pointed out to me that I may be codependent. I understand all the charactersistics but I'm not very clear on what it is, if that makes sense. And I've always thought of myself as an independent person, so if I'm codependent does that mean I'm not independent? Sorry if that was confusing, I'm just confused right now and dont really know what to do. Thanks for any help you can give.

May 24, 2005
11:59 pm
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codep
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co-dependency is being dependent on someone else "usually a toxic person" to fulfill your needs. putting them first instead of your own needs being met and thinking this is normal. It's settling for less then what you deserve just to have something "anything"

does that make sense?

May 25, 2005
12:05 am
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Sometimes when we are codependent we might feel as if we are independent because we think we are taking care of our needs in addition to the needs of another. The reality is, neither is true.

-ella

May 25, 2005
9:15 am
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CAMER
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being coda for me means, revolving my life around another person, getting into thier business, not focusing on my life, and putting up with behaviors that i do not like and sometimes afraid to just say NO!

May 25, 2005
9:39 am
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lollipop3
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I had the same question myself in the beginning.

I always felt I was very independent because I lived alone, had a good job, very self sufficent, didn't rely on anyone but myself....but when it comes to relationships....that was the problem....I didn't rely on anyone, I allowed everyone to rely on me....

'till me bones were sucked dry!

May 25, 2005
3:01 pm
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kathygy
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When someone is codependent they are dependent on another person to fill them up even if the person is destructive to them. They focus on the other person's feelings and thoughts instead of their own. What is he thinking? what is he feeling? What does he need from me? vs. What am I feeling? What am I thinking? What do I need to do for myself?

May 25, 2005
6:37 pm
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CODA_Mom
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I would have to ditto what CAMER wrote, Hales.

You might want to pick up a copy of Melodie Beatty's book, "Codependent No More" (boy, I wish I sold this book, I could quit my job 🙂

Good question, keep asking 'em.

CM

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