Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
QUESTION ABOUT AL-ANON
June 12, 2006
4:09 pm
Avatar
Careverymuch
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I want to obtain information about Al-Anon for my sister who is married to a verbally and emotionally abusive alcoholic. We have not yet talked about the subject, and I want to introduce her to Al-Anon for help, because I know she won't go on her own to get the information. Do they give out any written information about addiction at the meetings or can I obtain that in some other way? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

June 12, 2006
4:24 pm
Avatar
loverbee
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I would try contacting your local al-anon group. Otherwise, you can always obtain info online. Lemme know if youneed help finding info online. I can help you there.

June 12, 2006
5:55 pm
Avatar
Careverymuch
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you loverbee...I will do that tonight and see what I can find. If not I will post another thread.. thanks again

June 12, 2006
6:50 pm
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Here is the web address for the Alanon website. You can find meetings in your area from this website, and it gives some good general information:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org

I attended Alanon for several years when I was still married. My ex-husband is an alcoholic. He was verbally abusive, and at time physically abusive. His disease progressed during our 17 year marriage, and he never sought help. After the first incident where he was physically abusive to me, he agreed to go to counseling. It didn't last beyond the point where the counselor addressed his drinking problem. He quit. After 17 years, I filed for divorce. I had done everything I could do, and could no longer live in the environment he was creating.

The people at Alanon gave me the courage to do this.

There are great books your sister can read: anything by Melody Beattie ("Codependent No More", "Beyond Codependency"). Check the local library.

I would go to the meeting with her...this obviously affects you as well. She'll need the support.

I wish your sister peace...it was the one thing I never had until my divorce was final.

June 12, 2006
7:10 pm
Avatar
Careverymuch
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you Readyfor a change. I would love to go to the meeting with her, I don't even know if she will be open to this yet, but I will try. The problem is we work opposite shifts, I know they probably have weekend meetings...wish me luck with this and thank you so much for your advice and information, very helpful. Obviously I am very worried about her, but she is very defensive, even about little things. Once I tried to bring up her husband's problem and she screamed at me to leave him alone! What to do? That was a long time ago, now she has even more problems but I still don't know how she will react. Like they say, it is progressive.

June 12, 2006
9:55 pm
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yes, it is progressive. When I met my ex, I was 17. He was 19. He drank a lot, but most college kids did. He was quite a partyer. I didn't have a problem with it at first. After we were married though, it changed. He would drink, and become mean, paranoid, possessive, and moody. When I was pregnant with our first child, he would go out drinking until 3 or 4 a.m., and I had no idea where he was or how to contact him (way before cell phones). It was frightening. It got worse and worse every year that we were married.

It will not get better for your sister, trust me. Unless her husband admits that he has a problem and gets help, she will continue to have problems. Does your sister have children? If so, you owe it to your nieces/nephews to get your sister some help.

Hang in there..you're doing the right thing.

June 12, 2006
10:09 pm
Avatar
Jenni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi, CVM! You can find out all about Al-Anon here, on the net. Just Google it.

I'm not sure about you going with her to the meeting. I know you would be there as moral support, but they highly recommend that they attend on their own, and make it soley about their recovery.

AA is the same way. I tried to go with my XH, and I learned REAL quick that I didn't belong there. Infact, THAT was when I learned about Al-Anon. My XH encouraged me to go, so I did. I then ended up leaving the relationship, once I realized I couldn't "fix" him.

Good luck with this, and keep us posted!!

Jen

June 12, 2006
10:40 pm
Avatar
Careverymuch
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Readyforachange:

Yes, my sister has two children, that is why I am checking into this. I hate to see her hurting even though she covers it up. Her son, who is the youngest, is having problems with school, age 10. Can anyone give me some advice on how to handle him. He has been getting disrespectful to me. He has pinched me, called me a loser, and told me to shut up. My brother-in-law says nothing to him like its OK; my sister she says his name and drawls "stop". When he called me a loser, she kind of thought it was funny and made it out to be a joke. He told me he wanted to make me mad. When I asked him why, he would not answer. The last time my sister told him to say he was sorry, but he never did. She does not follow through. He started crying and said it was embarassing, so she did nothing. She then started making excused for him. I am really starting to not want to be around them anymore, but I know this behavior is due to the effects of the alcoholism. Any input about this? thanks so much

June 13, 2006
12:44 am
Avatar
LookingForSupport
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Good luck to you. But, just as any alcoholic can't get help until they admit they have a problem, it will be the same with your sister. She has to realize she has a problem, not meaning there is something wrong with her, but after living with an alcoholic for so long, it creates a monster inside of you. It takes a lot to realize this, hopefully with your support she will get there. I say buy her Codependent No More, it is a GREAT book. I agree about the meeting, it would be great for you to go for moral support, BUT she has to go on her own, if you go then the only reason she may be there is to shut you up. Good luck. 🙂

June 13, 2006
1:02 am
Avatar
camra
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

careverymuch, Alanon might be something you could use too, the thing is alanon is for anyone who is involed with someone who is an alcoholic,you are involed with your family who has been under the effects of alcohal, It could help you too..

http://www.activeboard.com/for.....umID=94433

check that website out there is alot of info there .

Remember you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it....

Goodluck
camra

June 13, 2006
3:51 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey folks!

Excuse my ignorance. But what is the difference between AA (Alcoholic Anonymous) AND Al Anon? Since they both help people to recover from alcoholism, then why do we need 2 support groups for the same cause (Alcoholism)???

Thanks in advance!~Ras~

June 13, 2006
5:26 pm
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

AA is for the alcoholic him or herself. Alanon is for the families of alcoholics (spouses, children, etc.) AlaTeen is for kids affected by an alcoholic parent. Alanon doesn't really focus on kicking the dependency of alcohol....it focuses on how to live with someone who is addicted. Same 12 steps, though...

June 13, 2006
5:57 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks (RFC!!!!)

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
33
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111006
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38568
Posts: 714295
Newest Members:
nickbor34, finistratbob, Knewhervel, waylanmarx, rydesk, Castano
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information