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Query: What is "Crazymaking"?
September 15, 2005
10:06 pm
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D dog
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I have seen this term used quite often here. It is a new word to me, and as a lover of language and the written word, I would like to have it defined.

I think I get the general idea - seemingly senseless actions that cause one to feel crazy due to lack of understanding? Is it an intentional form of "attack"? Or perhaps an act of desperation?

Just curious - it is an interesting term, but I won't feel comfortable using it until I actually know what it means.

(LOL - yeah, I was the 4.0 nerd in high school that you hated! Is it a noun or an adverb? Maybe even a verb. "Use it in sentence. Provide examples.")

September 15, 2005
10:14 pm
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thewall
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Its a verb

a behavior one does, which increases the symptoms of anxiety, fear, paranoia etc, just as you said.

Heres a sentence example:

"Him checking his email every 5 minutes to see if she wrote him back was crazymaking."

It caused more anxiety, more stress.

or looking over ones shoulder to see if you are being watched could also be a form of crazy making. It increases the paranoia or anxiety there as well.

Im sure everyone has their own set of examples. whats crazymaking for one isnt always crazy making for another. Its very individual.

this is not a formal definition, just my understanding of it. I dont think there is an exact right or wrong ans

September 15, 2005
10:14 pm
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D dog
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Didn't mean for that post to sound light-hearted or flippant...I really AM a nerd. I'm writing a book, and think it might be a good title...

It's going to be about the journey through, and recovery from, codependency. Fictional, of course, but "based on real life events".

Don't know what the ending will be yet, as I am not there...

September 15, 2005
10:17 pm
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D dog
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Sorry, Wall, cross-posted. Thank you for the insight.

So basically, one can have crazymaking done TO them, but also do it to oneself?

September 15, 2005
10:20 pm
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exoticflower
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MOer like seemingly innocent actions: My ex would corner me and yell about how he couldn't take the abuse and for me to stop abusing him and leave him alone, all the while I was trying to cover my ears, to yell I don't want to talk to you!". He owuld continue to cry out "stop abusing me! WHy are you doing this" while I was locked in the bathroom crying and trying to make some sense of it...I would come out when things calmed down, and he would walk over to where I was laying in bed, crying and shaken and confused by then, and would say something softly about how I have to stop this, I am scaring the baby and him, he knows this isn;t me. I say "I didn't do anything! I didn't want you near me!" And he jumps back throwing his hands up to cover his face yelling "STOP ABUSING ME!". I start crying hysterically, durring which time he calls his parents, keeping the phone very near my hysterics and says "I'm so scared, honey, we all just want to help you"...I scream "Stop it! Your lying! He's lying I didn't DO ANYTHING!!!!". He holds the phone out to let them hear me scream. He pretends to cry. CRAZYMAKING. I go and look crazy.

This is an extreme case, but the general idea. there is another example in a thread or a few actually, that I have posted here before, one tonight. Little subtle things that make you question your own memory...when someone forgets to do something they say that you forgot to remind them to do that thing you where supposed to, says "you still haven't responded to that letter I wrote" that was never written, etc. THese are just my own experiances, there are other sorts I don't know as well, but I hope it helps. Similar is gaslighting, that's REALLY phychotic, when someone makes someone literally lose their mind and completely lose their grasp on reality...it's also a really good movie.

September 15, 2005
10:24 pm
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exoticflower
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And I think ANY victim of crazymaking should write a book and count on it being a best seller! I think you should opt for a gruesome slaughter of the crazyymaker themself...sure to be a crowd pleaser!

September 15, 2005
10:30 pm
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D dog
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Ef -

Gaslighting! That's it! That's the title!

Wow, like holding a match to a volatile substance? Like those guys who KNOW (through some cursed, inner sense) that we're codep, and just go for it, knowing they will suck the very life out of us, and leave us a veritable husk of our former selves?

Or our supposed "friends", who may know that we have "weaknesses", and use them to their own advantage?

I have had this done to me more times than I can say. My tender heart gets broken again and again.

Remember the thread where we all agreed to become bitches? I'm getting into that mode again.

September 15, 2005
10:33 pm
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D dog
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EF -

I'd like the crazymaker to become the victim, and be left hollow. And for the original victim to blossom.

Cosmic shift, also known as Justice (American version), or Karma (Buddhist).

:o)

September 15, 2005
10:40 pm
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exoticflower
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Well, I think whenever we learn to recognize and refuse the abusive treatment of crazymaking they DO become hollow, that control was what they where filling themselves up with! I still say GRUESOME!

Totally with you in bitch mode!

September 15, 2005
10:45 pm
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D dog
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Yes, I suppose we must consider what happens to our significant others when we finally pull our heads out of our codep butts and get a clue. Good point.

Do they become more miserable than we think we are? Bet they do. At least we all have each other.

September 15, 2005
10:47 pm
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D dog
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Sorry - meant to say, "IN - significant others!" LOL!

September 15, 2005
10:50 pm
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Shaney
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Misery loves company - that's why I'M here. Just playing. I'm all for the bitch thing. Tomorrow, I'm going into mega bitch mode to shake up some trouble-makers at work. They're crazymakers! Yes! Thank you, I just used the word of the day.

September 16, 2005
12:09 am
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Lass
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Gaslighting is when someone intentionally does something HIDDEN to mess with you and make you feel crazy.

Crazymaking is when you SEE what the f**k they're doing, and still can't seem to stop it.

September 16, 2005
12:40 am
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sewunique
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If you really want to see this in action, there is an old old movie, in black and white. It is called "Gaslight". And it really depicts how the person subtly and intentionally does things to make you feel, sound, look and think you are crazy; to you and to others and how you fell and think you are just imagining things.

Excellant movie. If I can find it on the net or the Blockbusters, I am going to buy it for my file. Cannot recall the actors names, even tho I can see their faces.

You got to check it out. I think that is where the term "gaslighting" came from! Maybe?

~Sew~

September 16, 2005
12:40 am
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sewunique
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If you really want to see this in action, there is an old old movie, in black and white. It is called "Gaslight". And it really depicts how the person subtly and intentionally does things to make you feel, sound, look and think you are crazy; to you and to others and how you fell and think you are just imagining things.

Excellant movie. If I can find it on the net or the Blockbusters, I am going to buy it for my file. Cannot recall the actors names, even tho I can see their faces.

You got to check it out. I think that is where the term "gaslighting" came from! Maybe?

~Sew~

September 16, 2005
12:57 am
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exoticflower
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I thought garbo was in it...?

September 16, 2005
1:07 am
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Lass
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Yeah, I remember the guy was always making the gas lights flicker or something, and she would ask him if he had touched it, and he would deny it. He was messing with the light behind her back, messing with her.

September 16, 2005
12:22 pm
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kathygy
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One good example of crazy making is when you confront your partner with the way they have mistreated you and instead of taking personal responsibility, they turn the tables and don't listen to a word you said and try make you out to be the bad guy who is at fault. They act like a victim of your behavior. They turn the blame on to you when it is they who have wronged you.

September 16, 2005
12:23 pm
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Randomwomen2
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my kids are crazy making

February 26, 2006
7:42 pm
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readyforachange
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I'm bumping this thread up for Lt4others. My understanding is that it was "coined" by Melody Beattie. If you type "crazymaking" into the search box, it will pull up all the threads with this word in the title. When they come up, you can hit View All Posts to read the entire thread.

Hope it helps.

February 26, 2006
7:45 pm
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Lt4Others
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Thanks ready! I really appreciate this.

You're the best!.....Lt4Others

February 27, 2006
3:39 am
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zinnia
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That term was applied to my family, especially my mother, because no matter what I did, she would come back with a demand of the opposite.

So any effort spent in learning to communicate, from earliest childhood, was turned upside down and made me actually handicapped.

Getting away from the "crazymakers" in school and as a young adult was the only thing that saved me.

I think this is a very real process that is done to people when they are labeled and the label is something that serves to stifle them and keep them mentally enslaved. It is usually done by someone who is being supported in their own insanity by enablers.

Almost like "Munchausen Syndrome", I think.

I had a neighbor who did this to her son. Because she was a special needs teacher and she labeled her son dyslexic, she would not let him outgrow the label and learn to get on in life. She considered dyslexia a disability instead of a quirk of nature and instead of letting him learn to be himself, she enforced "loser-hood" on him.

It was sad to see how he could blossom whenever she was away, but would revert to a half-retarded state of mind around her.

He even let her break up his relationship to a young woman who had a baby with him.

I was so happy when they moved away. They made me feel sick, especially the part with the young mother. I was always afraid I might say something.

February 27, 2006
5:34 pm
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readyforachange
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zinnia...thank you for sharing your perspective on this. What a sad, sad story. As a special education teacher, the story just makes my heart break. Unfortunately, I see it too often.

February 27, 2006
6:39 pm
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zinnia
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ready,
It is a sad fact of labeling that what starts out as a way of identifying and helping a person turns into a set of shackles, doesn't it?

And I am afraid you see it often because the teachers who successfully move a child into self-sufficiency and back into the mainstream classroom can cost the school its funding for having a certain number of qualified "special needs" being served.

I wish there were a way to fund schools without causing that "default" failure rate to be rewarded.

"Crazymakers" are usually very fond of labeling their victims.

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