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November 8, 2005
10:11 am
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jastypes
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September 30, 2010
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Figuring I really have nothing left to lose, I went to Mark last night and told him that I was seriously disappointed when he did not ask me to sit and talk with him on Saturday. I told him it felt like he couldn’t do that one little thing for us. Of course, he explained that he didn’t feel I was ready to talk, because I seemed so angry and distant; and he was afraid to hear what I had to say. That was nice and honest.

I also told him how I felt about him leaving early on Sunday to meet Chris (his ex girlfriend). I told him that while I honestly don’t care, it felt like something contrary to wanting to restore our marriage.

I also, perhaps unfairly, told him that I feel that the restoration of the marriage falls squarely on his shoulders, as he is the one who has really made a mess of things over the years. Then I shared with him some of my e-mails, which I have put into my journal, about my feelings over the past week. To Mark’s credit, he listened and then apologized without being defensive.

I also told him that I intend to file for divorce. I’m doing it to protect myself and my children. However, I pointed out that in PA it takes 2 years for a divorce to become final, and can take as long as 5 years if he contests it. If at the end of that time period our marriage looks a lot different and we are on a progressive road, I will consider not making the divorce final. He completely understood.

Finally, he agreed to take a drug test so that at least I can begin to rebuild trust. I told him that was a very good first step. He asked me to make the appointment for that, which I will do today.

Follow up – he said that he would talk to our pastor about getting together again for another session. Now, that’s his responsibility and I’m anxious to see whether or not he will follow through with that. In the meantime, I continue working my program and living one day at a time. God is with us. In my times of intense prayer this week I have heard from Him. He loves me. He loves Mark. Nothing either of us do or don’t do will separate us from His love. He hates divorce, but He loves me, and he understands m

jill

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