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Progress and a little set back
August 28, 2007
12:32 pm
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jastypes
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Mark has an apartment in NJ and he started moving his stuff out yesterday. He plans to be out of the house completely by this Friday. We have a realtor coming tonight so that we can put the house up for sale.

Unfortunately, our power got turned off last week. I had my doctor write a note of medical necessity, but it will take every penny I get to keep it turned on after the 30 day period, so I had to send my divorce money to the power company.

Our plan is now that I will live in the house and when it sells, we are paying off all debt and splitting the money 50/50. At that time, I will have the resources to file for the divorce and get it done.

The only problem is that Mark is determined to come back to the house every weekend to visit the children and maintain the lawn. That's not a horrible thing, but it's stressful and not what I want. So, if you pray, please pray that the house will sell quickly so that my debts can be paid, and the kids and I can move where Mark will not be allowed to come. Naturally, he'll still be able to see the girls every other weekend, but he'll have to take them out. He will not be welcomed in my space.

August 28, 2007
12:39 pm
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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I am a little confused - when he comes back - he will be STAYING at the house? not just coming to pick up the children?

is that because it's still technically his home too?

could you arrange to stay with someone else (friend or family) while he's there?

could you ask him to stay somewhere else? - I mean if you weren't in the house, he would have to anyway?

have you tried finding a lawyer that would get your paperwork filed and defer payment until your home is sold? or talk to legal aid and get a cheaper divorce?

some states have a do it yourself kit and it's a very NOMINAL fee to file - as long as you both agree on the terms...if not - you need a lawyer.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers...because you have kids - he will typically stay in your life despite your wishes - I hope this goes smoothly for you.

August 28, 2007
1:50 pm
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jastypes
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Yes, he's staying at the house weekends because it is still his house, we are still married, and he's a putz. He won't take the kids to his apartment. I'll keep doing what I have to do, and I'm going to at least set up a separate bedroom for him to stay in when he's "visiting". I have NO money at the moment, so I can't even afford the divorce filing fee. It's okay, though, so long as the house sells quickly. But, of course, the market sucks right now for sellers. On the upside, we're agreeing to take a pretty low price for the house in order to sell it quickly.

August 28, 2007
2:25 pm
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_anonymous
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jas- sounds like you are headed in the right direction. Hard to let go when they are still around.

August 28, 2007
3:14 pm
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atalose
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Do you have friends that maybe you could stay with on weekends? That way you are giving him quality time with his kids, some reality to how it will be once the divorce is finaly and he has visitation with them at his own place.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

August 28, 2007
4:33 pm
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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shit - if he comes to take care of the kids - get lost - go to the park, go to the library, go shopping, see friends, whatever.

He has to know that when he shows up, you aren't sitting around waiting for him - plus, the kids need "quality time" with him - one on one - without you there - so they all get a taste of what it's going to be like.

my guess is that he is using this as an excuse to come back and be with YOU. He could EASILY have them at his apartment - but that would be too easy - he wants to be around you. So, don't give him that - stay with your folks, friends or come home very late, go to sleep, then get up early and head out to do something - read all day, walk, hike, something...just don't be there for him.

Maybe after a couple of weekends, he'll give up and he'll take them at his place?

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