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January 26, 2005
3:29 am
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Tigger67
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I am new to this site and I'm having a really, tough time. My now ex-fiancee' was physically and emotionally abusive to me for four years and I did not see it. My friends warned me but I did not listen and lost people along the way. Finally, about two months ago,(Tuesday before Thanksgiving) we were having a usual argument, but he kicked me. It wasn't the first time, but I couldn't take it anymore. I called the cops and he disconnected the phone on "911" so the cops came anyway. He went to jail and pled not guilty so there will be a jury trial, where I am supboneaed to testify for the state next month. Many events, including a gun, lead up to the situation. There is a no contact order but he did contact me and now we're talking, but I think he's only promising me marriage, kids, he'll get help, blah blah because he does not want me to testify. I think he is still cheating, but I don't know. He says I'm paranoid and I need help, too. I have to get out of this vicious cycle but I do not know how. Talking to him is the biggest mistake because I feel sucked in again. How do I get out of this? I'm scared, broke, and just want it to end. Thank goodness we don't have children. It hurts every time he says he loves me but I want to hear it. I have NEVER allowed a man to control or manipulate me like this. I don't know why I'm losing myself. Okay, I'm babbling now but I'm lost. I appreciate whoever is reading this for a reply!!!

January 26, 2005
4:43 am
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opal
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Tigger,

you are certainly not babbling, you need to talk about this, because keeping quiet is only allowing it to continue.

have no more contact with him, testify in court, he is not right for you, he has hurt you badly, don't allow it to continue, you deserve so much more than this.

don't allow him to turn it back to you, abusers always do this, they blame who they are hurting, and they are always full of excuses, when there is no excuse!.

be strong, you need someone who is more than this man will ever be.

January 26, 2005
6:05 am
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opal
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Tiger,

I hope I didn't seem too abrupt in my response above, only I really feel sad for you in your present situation and would hate for you to take this man back and have him continue to hurt you.

January 26, 2005
7:10 am
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day1
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I am just going to ask one question. When did Love suppose to hurt. You deserve someone to care for you and lift you up. It sounds like you are a loving person. I have read that most people who are abusive always put the blame on the person they are abusing. If I take the guilt for someone else I give them the permission to be ok and I suffer the consequences. Hm that is one I had to learn. People are responsiable for their abusive behavior. Let him carry his garbage and suffer the consequences, unfortunatly that is how most of learn. I find some people will promise the moon and stars to cover their own butt. However, if I don't buy into it and let them suffer their consequenses they truely may learn something like they need help.

January 26, 2005
9:19 am
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CAMER
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i agree with everyone above.

Stop all contact with him, he is no good, and treats you awful...and yes he can promise you the world, but until he gets some anger management help, there really nothing for you to do...you did mention a gun in your posting...honey, you are so lucky to be alive...think of you...and try not to have any contact and let the courts take care of the rest. Keep coming back and keep us updated...ok!

January 26, 2005
12:54 pm
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Phalic_Liberator
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I agree with everyone else in this post. This guy is trying to weasle his way out of responsibility and is manipulating you, your perceptions about yourself, and your judgement to achieve that aim.

Get out of his life. Keep him out of yours.

January 26, 2005
1:39 pm
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sewunique
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Hi tiger and welcome!

Sure, he is going to talk and talk and talk. Whatever he can say to get HIMSELF out of this mess. I'm glad he has been picked up by the police! I am glad that you have finally been able to see what he has been doing here to you.......abusing you.

So often we live in a fog, when controlled and manipulated for a period of time. We begin to accept it and blame ourselves. I know.

I am gald you are here to vent and get a grip on reality. Excuse me, I get so steamed up when I hear about anyone abusing another person.

It is wrong! It will consume your every being.

It will suck the life out of you if you do not get away from it and begin to heal your wounds, whether they are bruises on your skin or burises on your heart.

Please, please, take care of yourself. It is hard to not listen to him. It is hard not to want to love him. It is hard to turn away to safety. And most of all, it is hard to realize that a person whom we have loved and trusted woould have the gumption to hurt us.

But they do. They have their own world of misery that unfortunately, you are the brunt of their anger and so they attack whomever stands in their path.

Please contact your woman's abuse center for more information and what you need to do to make an escape plan. Good for you in calling 911. You took action to protect yourelf, finally.

This site Homepage has references for links for advice and information; look it up.

You are on the road to the right path. You can get thru this.

I know, I did.

We are here for you; glad you are here with us.

Sew

January 28, 2005
2:57 am
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Tigger67
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Thank you sooo much for the encouraging responses. It's funny because before I was ever in this situation, I always thought, "Why don't they just leave? Why do they put up with this?" But it happens so gradually. I know I made a mistake to talk to him. You are right. He's promising me the world so HE can get out of this mess, not me. It does help to vent and talk to somebody, especially someone who has been through it. It's nice to know I am not alone in this world, because it can get lonely.

January 28, 2005
11:05 pm
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addicts wife
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HI,
I am also new to this site, and I gotta tell ya'
This guy seems like a manipulator. Ive been in relationshps with guys who had my head so turned around that i started doubting everything about myself, and started to feel lost.
NO bouquet of flowers can excuse being beaten emotionally, physically, or verbally.
Its amazing when you have a moment of clarity and start to realize that somethings we've let ourselves get into is not where you ever imagined youd be. Its hard, but dont beat yourself up anymore. Acknowledge, and move on. do you have any supportive people?? Maybe a call to the freinds who saw it before you did. It may take some pride swallowing, but cna it get worse if you DONT call, weigh out the options, adn IF your safe in a call for help/guidance, do it.
you are not alone in this, no matter how alone you may feel when it's flooding in all differnt directions.
hang in there, sister!!!! you have my support

January 28, 2005
11:16 pm
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sewunique
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So Tiger and AW,

How are you both doing tonite? What's been hapening Tiger, any plans? Getting info?

Sorry, Addcit's wife (can I call you AW, that seems easier and more pleasant?), but I haven't read your posts or story. Welcome to this site.

Sew

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