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Problems with 4 Guys? And I'm Thinking About Having Sex At 15yrs
September 13, 2003
9:26 pm
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Jess for TLC
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hey everyone,

can someone please help me i'm in a a bit of a mess. there is this guy who i went out with about a year ago and we are really close now and i never got over him and its a differnt felling when too every other guy i have liked i have so tingly in side and some times i got myself so worked up i some times feel i'm going to be sick in side cause i like him too much. its been a year since i havet gotton over him and he has told me to get over him but i seen i can't there is something inside of me that wont let go of him.

I also have been talking to this guy who is 17 and i'm 15 on the net we met by my pen pal and i have never seen my pen pal or the guy i have been talking to. we have been tlaking for a year and 1/2 and we got to know each other really well and he started to like me and so did i but he had a girl firned who he met on the net and she is 14. he has benn tlaking to me on the phone mosy night and stufff like that we also has phone sex twice and he is sending me messages regualy to me and his girl frined doesnt know he is cheating and ect. he told me he was getting pleasure by hid gf and all the time while it was happering he was thinking about me. is that good or bad? my frineds think he is 40yrs old but he is not and they dont like him at all they think its wrong and i should get out of this now before it gets worse but i like him in a way but i tinhk its betting too much and i dont kno waht to do. The other night i told him i have feeling for ben which is the one i tlkaed about beofre i never got over with. and he hatyed it he said he couls exept if i liked anyone elasde but he buecase how ben treats me. but the tihng is i'm leaidng him on.

There is alot another guy who is firned with ben and who is in the same group as me and ben and he likes me too. about 2 weeks ago i went out with him but i couldnt even hold hands with him cause i liked other people at the same time i coulnt be around him and then i fould ot ben started likeing me cause i itnhk he relaised waht he loosed and he tried to break up me and justin. ben told my best friend which is bens best firned too that he was breaking me and justin bu cause he likes me. i ending up breaking up with justin but he still likes me. he calles me up every night and flirts with me and ect. but the thing is again i'm also leading him on too.

There is another guy who is 18 who is my friends cousin and i have only seen him one but never meeet him. i have talked to ihm on the phone and he is nice and he likes me and i sort of do but i odnt know. but as i said i'm leading him on too.

I dont know waht to do i really need to come clean and tells thease people i like 1 perosn and that is ben who i have liked for a year bu tthe thing is i dont know how to tell him so they can back off a bit. i dont want to hurt him but i know i will hurt thing in the long run by what i'm doing. can you please help on on waht i shuld say and so please i'm conused and i have go myself in a mees. i tinhk i'm leading them all on is beucase i like the attention cause no one has liked me for a while and i have never felt i was loved and i tinhk this is why i am doing it and tis hurting mepoeple pelase hlep me.

Also ben the guy i like and he likes me to. we are 15yrs old. and he means everything to me. we had a relationship in the past and idd didnt work out and i really dont want a realtionship and he doesnt either so and i dont want to be his hook up buddy at partys so waht is left i do want to have something with him but i odnt know waht its very confusing. and also i'm thinking about having sex with him but i dont know if i'm ready i'm sort of but not 100%. i'm worried will it change anytihng like our firnedship or waht after wards and will he go on about it or things like that cause i odnt want it that way. please help me i'm very conused and i need so help on waht i sould do its cuasing me some probmes. thank you.
love always Jess xoxoxox

September 14, 2003
2:29 am
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totally-confused
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Hello Jess...I understand your position on really enjoying the attention.. sometimes its nice to feel wanted and from more than one person. I would tell u to hold off on the sex thing because u are very young and often emotions and wants over power what we think we should do. I had sex at a very young age and in my experience i just did it because i felt like thats what i had to do to recieve love. I came from a family that was somewhat available and i thought i needed to have a special someone in my life to make it. In fact now that im older i wish i would have waited. It never turns out the way we think it will or the way we think it should. I got pregnant at 16 and again at 19 and much of my life was put on hold out of making bad decisions at such a young age. I have no regrets tho as far as my kids are concerned but things could have been much better for all of us if time would have been different.
Another thing that ive noticed also is that sometimes people can see things we cannot. We get so emeshed in our emotions of what we think is real and often over look the truth of things.. as far as ur internet friend.. that can be a very dangerous situation because alot of people lie and say they are things that they arent. your friends could be right about this guy and to me he doesnt seem as a good catch for u if hes calling u and he has a girl friend. I think u should take some time out and think about yourself, it sounds to me like your going through a sitatuin where u are looking for love in other people that you feel u cant give yourself. I know how it feels to have alot of guys wanting you and trying to talk to you at once... You get this rush through your body that is almost like a high and you wanna play along with the game because it feels so nice and its a wonderful feeling to be wanted.. but i also know from my own experiences that when we allow those types of behaviors in our lives we tend to be the ones hurt in the long run...I think your right about not knowing what u should do.. i think u should take some time out and really take care of yourself and look inward on your decisions.. your very young and u have alot of time to make "grown up" choices... enjoy your life and have fun because at your age u have so many possibilities of developing relationships when your ready.. in the meantime just have fun and live. I've been there i know how u feel.. if i could turn back the hands of time i would have done things so differently..lots of love

September 14, 2003
9:53 am
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mj
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Hi Jess,
YOUR life is way complicated without making it more complicated with sex.

Sex is for people who are mature enough to deal with issues openly and honestly and respectfully. Do you think that you are ready to talk about birth control?

I had sex early in life. I wish that I had understood myself better. It has delayed my maturation significantly. I was a mother at age 17....and if you think life is complicated now....Oh boy....you haven't seen nothing yet.

Keep focused on school and friends. There will be plenty of time for love.

September 15, 2003
11:11 am
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bel
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Lisset you said it perfectly.

Bel 🙂

September 15, 2003
11:22 am
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artist 2
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Yep, having sex too early can really delay yourself coming together. I did and am still trying to work things out. Everything has it's time and place.

Sex is for a time when you know your partner and yourself well. Sex changes your body chemistry and self-image. You have to be ready and prepared for all the emotions that go with that. You'll want to know and trust your partner well.

It's some times hard not go just go ahead, at times when it would be so easy to just slide right into it. But, I hope you consider what some of us - who have made that mistake - are saying to you.

All the Best,
Artist 2

September 15, 2003
1:18 pm
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gingerleigh
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I was a relatively "late bloomer" (especially compared with today's standards) and don't regret it at all. I had been dating my high school sweetheart, my first boyfriend, for a year and a half, and in college was where we lost our virginity really. Yep, first time for both of us, and a very special thing. Sure, I'm not with him any more (thank goodness for that on some fronts) but it was so worth it to be in love with someone and experience the physical side of things as well. I didn't wait until I was married, but I waited until I was with someone that I would have married, if that makes any sense.

September 18, 2003
10:04 pm
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Jess for TLC
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Hey everyone, sorry i havent been on for a while i have been so bussy with school stuff i havent had time to come on her. well just to let you know i havent had sex in the mean time so its ok. but i'm going away tomorrow for 10days and its on the beach and it will do me good i need to sort out alot of shit and stuff like that. they guy who i really like we were going to have sex today but i counst come i'm sort of read but i'm scared i will fall pregant. i know my cousin wil be there if something happsn like i do but still i dont want to rely on that i'm on the pill. but if i do decide to i wil sort out all thease other guys first. well i got to go talk to oyu later bye. love jess

September 19, 2003
12:16 am
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>> r u ready for a kid? i think this answers it.

well i could disagree with that easily. people who are not ready for kids can have contraceptives.

Jess, what I can say to you is that I heard from 2 people that once a person has sex, its hard to stop the emotional attachment. So if you have sex and they guy breaks up, then that will be hard. I'll say, if you want to have sex, make sure the guy is nice, but then I'm confused myself about relationships and all that and i'll make you confused as well. good luck! do whatever you think is right.

September 19, 2003
8:52 pm
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silence
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Not all guys. Just the ones who know that they can get away with it.

September 22, 2003
8:20 pm
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gingerleigh
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Hey hey hey, Lisset... we can stereotype about the girls too, can't we? All girls are gold diggers that just want rich guys to buy them clothes and jewelry and stuff, right? Just like that song... "Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money..."

*giggle*

September 22, 2003
9:58 pm
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"Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money..." - exactly! heh.

September 23, 2003
2:41 am
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gingerleigh
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You are so young, lady. You have tons of time. Focus on yourself, on the world around you, don't worry about the relationship stuff right now. The world is truly your oyster. *smile* Think of all the things you would like to do in this world and start planning to DO them! You can do it!

September 23, 2003
3:40 am
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Squeezles
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If the decision to have sex is causing you this much anguish then I'd say you're too young for it and definately haven't found the right person to be with. You have plenty of time - life ISN'T a contest, no matter how much people pretend it is. You need to do what is right for YOU, not what you think other people think you should or should not be doing.

I waited beyond the 'socially accepted' age - and I don't have ANY regrets with how it happened or who it happened with. Not many people can honestly say that. You have a whole lifetime ahead of you. Is there any point living those with regrets?

September 23, 2003
10:50 am
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bel
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As a young girl I never liked a guy because of what he drove or how much money he had. I like a person for how he felt about me and how I felt about him and how he treated me.

And now as an older woman I still would like a man who would love me for who and what I am and not what I could give him. I in turn would love him for who he is and how he treated me and yes I would want him to be working unless retired as I am still working.

But the most important requirement would be that he love me and treat me with the respect I deserve and want.

September 23, 2003
2:45 pm
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well most girls do want cars and money, thats what evolution says. they wants rich guys so they can support their families.
rich guys had more chances of having their families survive.. go up in social circles. etc. maybe its dying down, this trend.
lets see now. lisset, whats a nice man to you? i'm curious.

September 25, 2003
4:06 pm
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grandmother
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my daughter became pregnant at 15 ,it changed her whole life forever. up at night, night after night with a crying baby while your firends are sleeping. then the next day, day after day, feedings ,batheings, dr appts, colic maybe, ear infections,countless diaper changeings. her other girlfriends were dateing , going swimming .she was exhausted, gained a lot of weight, the guy took off. even with my help ( she lived at home) she told me crying that she wishes she would have waited and lived her young life now. she grew up fast, you still have time.i promise ... promise you that you will regret haveing sex at this age. its NEVER to late to stop. and just remeber God loves you like no guy could.
pray

September 30, 2003
9:59 pm
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Jess for TLC
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hi everyone. i am on the pill and i drink and i dont do drugs. thsi guy is very spical to me. i'm scared that it will change our friendship and he wont want to have nothing to do with me. i dont want to have sex cause some of my frineds are doing it. i dont want to have a kid at this age i'm not mentally ready. i really care alot for this guy and i think he doee to. i have ask him are you using me just for sex and he says no i would never do that. and i asked him to keep it between our selfs so noone can no and judge us on waht he did. i'm ready for it but i dont want to have a kid and he will be using a condom and i am i one the pill. i have had time to think about this. but the one thing that does concern me if that how much it will hurt? that it the main concern i have. i know you all tihnk 15yrs is very young.

October 1, 2003
2:03 am
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ms.confused
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Having sex isnt what it all cuts out to be.. people make it much look much more than what it really is...The first time really hurts because there is a wall of tissue that is broken.. that is something no one ever told me when i first experienced sex. It also causes u to spot bleed the first time..I was very young when i first had sex and i really encourage you not to do it. My first time i thought it was with someone special to.. he claimed he liked me alot and he wasnt using me for sex but as soon as he got his "piece" he moved on and i was emotionally torn apart. Boys at this age thats all that on there minds and they dont really know anything other than that. Ive worked with alot of teenagers and theyve all talked to me about the same issues. I hope you understand that things will change alot for you once you make that choice and follow through. Theres also the chance that this guy may not respect you and may tell all is friends even tho he has told you hed keep it between the two of you. I hope you reconsider. Im not trying to sound like im gettin on you. I just want you to beware of some of the consequences..It seems like you may be looking for love in the wrong places.. I did it and I regretted it forever until i came to terms with it all. Please take care of yourself.. your talking to a teen that got pregnant at 15 and then again at 17 and then at 19..Sex changes everything even if u dont get pregnant..you should enjoy life to the fullest while you can and leave those decisions to a later time in life..Hugs Ms.confused

October 1, 2003
2:05 am
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ms.confused
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oh and by the way i was also on the pill

October 6, 2003
4:25 pm
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evi
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Sex is something that should be special and means something. I think that 15 is too young, you are easily tricked into thinking you are in love when you are not sure what love is. If he truely loves you he will wait. Enjoy being 15 and the things that come with it. You be older and able to have sex later in life. You need to make sure of his age and what the law in your state is. Here if you are 14 you are not able to give consent and you have the boy in jail even if the act is consensual. If you are 15 and have sex with someone over the age of 17 you have him in jail too. Be careful and wait. If you do decide to have sex please use protection. You can get prego and everything else a whole new set of problems you are not ready for.

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