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Pretty Good News On Top of Some Bad
July 8, 2007
4:33 am
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needingtodealwithme
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September 30, 2010
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For any of you that have read some of my other recent posts, you know that I am preggers and was worried about the fact there's blood around the gestational sac. Well, good news! The baby has a heartbeat...160 bpm, in fact! Oh, and I am a little over 8 weeks instead of the 7 weeks and 5 days (it's 3:23am here,technically Sunday). Which changed my due date to, drumroll please....February 7, 2008; My twin daughter's 5th birthday!
Now I'm not sure if everything is a-ok, since the blood is still there.I go to the docs on Monday morning to get the full report.
Now for the bad news. I talked to the dad and he doesn't want to move with me when I move out. He only wants to come spend the night a couple nights a week. I don't think so! I am not doing that show up for nookie and to have "proof" you're "there for the baby and me"...I have some personal things to work through and some independence to build. I am better than that. I am worth more than to knock me up and then not change your life that much to be there. I have to change my life! I don't get to say, "Well, I don't feel like being pregnant today, so you do it."
Oh and I am still having some reservations about the whole baby thing. It's just really, really bad timing. But maybe not. It's making me want to get my shit together, and giving me a concrete deadline to do so. I still need to get a job, get on the waiting list here for an apartment, get the van fixed and legal...the list goes on, and that's not even the emotional stuff.
Well, I'm babbling again,and Im sure I'm boring everyone, so I will end this post here.

July 8, 2007
2:11 pm
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chelonia mydas
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Hi Needingtodealwithme,

I am glad to hear that the baby is doing OK. I will keep you in my thoughts for the blood issue to resolve.

You post is full of strength and determination to do what it right for YOU!. What an accomplishment and something to celebrate. I am sorry to hear that the timing is not the best time for a baby- but it sounds like you are making the best of this situation. Continue to work on you. Thanks for posting- you are an inspiration to make the best of whatever situation you are given.

We are here to support you on your journey of life.

Hugs,
Chelonia

July 9, 2007
4:35 am
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needingtodealwithme
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September 30, 2010
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Thank you so much for the compliment, I was definately in need of one tonight. I was given an ultimatum tonight of 60 days to get a job and get on the waiting list for an apartment. I hate ultimatums. I hate feeling like I am being ambushed, which was pretty much what happened.
So later this morning (technically it is Monday now) I have an OB appointment at 10:15 in the morning. I got permission to borrow my "boyfriend's" dad's car, so after my appt. I will be going to the place I used to work (I quit last year) to apply since they are hiring again, and then to the food stamps/medicaid office. I am really hoping I get hired back on at this company because it's sitting all day and they have pretty good insurance, and they don't have a problem with pregnant women. I'm trying to squelsh the bad feeling in the back of my mind with some positive about getting hired ( I quit without 2 weeks notice...for good reason, tho) I am trying to get as much done tomorrow as possible so I can get out....they are tired of seeing me not do well here, supposedly. Well excuse me if I went through a serious depression and didn't even want to shower for a good week or more. I am doing this as well and quickly as I can!
I told the dad tonight that I pretty much feel like disappearing right now, that I am done with him. He wants to be there in whatever way he can, but all I want right now is for him to leave me the hell alone. I am worth more than this,and I told him that. Im beginning to believe it, too...

July 9, 2007
8:59 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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I went thru a similar transformation with my pregnancy with my daughter.

I was suddenly given a "purpose".

I could no longer just squeek by, I had to succeed.

I got off my butt and made things happen.

Had I not been pregnant, I probably would not have and would have admitted defeat. (I had recently moved from my home state, to a state 12 hours away, away from EVERYONE and everything I knew - I made the choice to stay and make it there, not go home with my tail between my legs).

I did make it...I reached out, made friends, found housing, etc. I succeeded. And since then, being a single parent has made me HAVE to succeed.

Now - don't forget about WIC - right now you can get rations of eggs, milk, cheese, cereal, peanut butter and juice and fruit/veggies in the summer months at the farmer's market. When baby comes you can get formula.

Good luck with the move and with the job.

I think you are smart to draw the boundary with the baby's dad. My daughter's father said one day "I want to "try" it out", meaning he wanted to see how being a dad was...I told him go pound sand...I didn't get to try out being a mom....either he was going to do it or not. And that he wasn't going to come into my daughter's life, then walk out if it didn't suit him. screw that!

good luck with everything!

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