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Pregnant, worried
November 15, 2001
7:32 am
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Sofee
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Can someone give me advise and support on having my baby on my own. Yes I don't see it as a problem, the problem is my husband who has left me. He told me to have an abortion or give him full custody so he can adopt our baby out. Please I don't want him in my life and I am worried that when the baby is born he will want to see it and have visitation rights. What should I do to keep him away from myself and my baby. We have had no contact for 2 months and the baby is due in April, he doesn't know when it is due and will probably find out via the grape vine as we live in a little country town.

November 15, 2001
9:43 am
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damaged
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When I was pregnant I was sad the dad wasn't around for my son not for me. Put your baby first. Think about it don't you think the baby has the right to get to know his/her dad. Then if it turns out he is a total ass as a dad there are laws to keep him away. My sons dad didn't come around for six years. The first time my six year old at the time saw his dad it was so neat. He had love for a man he never saw befor. I never one time talked sh*t about his dad in front of him and to this day I also chose not to. That man as far as I am concerned is a total ass hole but thats my sons dad and I give him that respect. That man is apart of my little boy and my life. Give it a chance he might be a bad husband but give you child the chance to make up his/her own mind. Hell life is so hard today and our kids don't need the added stress of someone trying to keep a mom or a dad away from them. I turly wish you the best of luck having a baby on your own, it by all means is not easy. If I can do it anyone can do it, and I can not tell a lie!!!

November 15, 2001
11:02 am
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Ladeska
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Okay....in all times of "blur" when you find yourself in an emotional decision making process....you slow things down and put information out on the table in piles so you can see them....

I'm going to ask you some questions..

1. Why do you not want this baby to have him in his or her life? What are your reasons, list them all.

2. Do you know the laws of your state regarding child custody rights?

3. Do you or are you able to support yourself? Do you get any money from him?

4. Do you have friends and family that will encourage/support you as a single mom?

5. Has anyone else heard him say what you just wrote here regarding - get an abortion or give him full rights?

6. Why would he make such a statement? And when I ask this - I'm asking - "in his mind" why is he saying this? What would he tell people is the reason why - you should not have custody of the baby?

November 15, 2001
5:28 pm
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Sofee
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Thanks everyone, Damaged for my first child I wanted the father in my childs life more than anything. He seen her twice now she is fourteen, I never bagged him out at all she just realised life was better with Mum.

My husband wanted to come back when he found out I was pregnant or it was just because he had a fight with his mother I am not sure about that one. He said all things to me after I wouldn't have him back. I feel he wants custody to hurt me he has done some very viscious things to me and has turned a lot of people against me and told them the breakup was all my fault.

Yes maybe your right about out of mind out of sight... That is food for thought, I feel he is worried about paying child support, we had many discussions about it, and he said he would make it so every time I needed anything for the baby I would have to sign a cheque from a joint account, that everything had to be accounted for. I told him I didn't want his filthy money. I've never heard from him since, do you think I have got rid of him, I never want to see him again ever I have had so many things go bad since I got tangled up with him.

My daughter has managed very well without her father on the scene.

No, he has not given me any money, and when he left he left me with all the bills he gets about $60,000 annually and a company car, when I was with him he never had money and when I asked he said he spent it on odds and sods most things he said were lies.

November 15, 2001
5:59 pm
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Ladeska
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Better off without this jerk. And I would document everything out the whazoo. Everything that's bad about him - write it down, make a file, keep the file current. Blondie knows the legal ins and outs, I don't. But, all I can say is - your baby is sooo much better NOT having a father like this. You do know that, right? All this bull about - oh, you should have the father in their life, blah, blah. Yeah, well - that's all fine and good if they are a "good" father, but if they're not - then why would you want to subject your child to that kind of hurt? It's nuts. It's like picking the stranger from the crowd and saying - here be a father.

Some people are just not - cut out for it, period. Blood isn't that big of a deal, it's really not. I've seen far more horrible lives lived out because they would not cut - the blood tie because they had been taught - it's not the thing to do. OH, but staying in abuse is? And to some people - that's right, it is. Go figure. I really DETEST that kind of thinking, but alot of people lead really miserable lives because they won't think for themselves and won't grow balls.

So, you fight for your children and fight for you. He's unacceptable as a person in your life and you know it, so stand up and be counted girlfriend! Don't allow this in your life anymore. Act like a princess and you'll be treated like one. (smile)

November 15, 2001
7:09 pm
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Sofee
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You are a champ Ladeska, man I think I just grew balls if a woman can do that! Good on you for supporting me. I know I don't need him, I didn't need to be married to him and I don't need his support with my baby. I just need no visitation rights for him and no child support and no contact and maybe an annulment of marriage because it was a sham!
Man I'm gonna kick ass!!!!!

November 15, 2001
9:52 pm
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Ladeska
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Sweetheart....we take way too much. We're conditioned to just take more and more pain and it takes someone slapping us to wake our arses up. Time for you to rise up and kick ass and take names on your own behalf and on the behalf of yours. Set your sights very, very high and realize that this means - you are not going to settle. Annullment? Sounds good to me, if you can do it, go for it. He's a crock if he wants to deprive you of your baby. Like he'd be some good role model or father? Yeah right. I'd say to him - when hell freezes over, Dude. Bring it on and bring back-up because you're going to need it.

The thing that makes this world tremble more than not is a mother protecting her young. And he is definitely a threat. So, I'd stick that label right where it belongs and never lose sight of it. He has no good intentions toward what he has sired here. His ego or flailing ego is trying to resurrect itself. Go get viagra, Dude and good luck. It takes more than that to be a father or a husband for that matter. Anyone can plant sperm.

You, on the other hand need to take about 20 steps up on the ladder and say - um, not even going to acknowledge you because what you are IS beneath me. Time to move on. Just because someone gets pregnant by someone does NOT mean that they need to be locked into them for whatever reason for the rest of their lives. If any way possible, shake this dude and the horse he rode in on.

Balls, btw, hide nicely when wearing sheer energy panty hose. (smile) Had to throw that one in for Blondie. Hey, we got alot of male hormones and sometimes, it's time to use em. Like I said - a momma bear is no one anyone wants to contend with when they are riled.

November 15, 2001
10:18 pm
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Sofee
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Woah baby, I think my balls just got hair on them.

Thankyou Thankyou

November 16, 2001
11:48 am
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Molly
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When you get down to it, most of the child rearing is up to the mom any how, I haven't seen much of the Mr. Mom stuff, until the dad has been forced into action ie., divorce, illness, and then usually its their mom who kicks in. Perhaps I have just had a jaded experience. Its not all their fault, their mom's did most of the rearing, and that is just what they know. Keep that baby, tell him to not worry about the money, and celebrate the gift that you are about to receive.

November 16, 2001
3:16 pm
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Sofee
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I'm really excited and looking forward to the birth and so is my daughter. I have had a good pregnancy so far. I don't think his mother is a concern for me I hope, she was never supportive of the marriage and whatever I did could never change that. She wants him so he can look after her in her old age.
To make things easier where ever I go in my home town if I see his car I ignore that I ever saw it. For me he doesn't exist. Just worried that when the baby is born he will knock on the door demanding to see it. I guess then I can draw from the legalities, such as DNA, Solicitors etc. But let him do it. What do you think.

November 16, 2001
3:17 pm
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Sofee
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