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pregnant with first child, married 5 years
May 16, 2004
12:33 pm
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neener
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I have been starting to get depressed with my pregnancy and I don't know what to do. My husband went to a batchelor party last night and yes it was a strip joint was drinking, I went out w/ some of my girlfriends,but my feelings get hurt when he doen't want to get involved with my pragnancy and help around the house. I just feel he doesn't want to be involved. He doesn't want to make love to me anymore and I got defensive because he was looking at naked woman. please help me I need some answers

May 16, 2004
12:46 pm
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CAMER
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neener: i beleive communication is key to a relationship.Sit down and tell your hubby how you feel, and see if he can come to an understanding, you are pregnant with his child and he needs to take some type of responsibility. Tell your hubby that you love and and want to continue making love to him, and see what his answer is, he needs to work with you as a "team" and not be so
selfish. As for the bachelor party thing, its done and over with now, its so hard for us women to tell men how we may feel about going to places like that, they sometimes just don't understand. But if it bothers you in the future with strip joints let him know how you feel.
I wish you the best.

May 16, 2004
1:04 pm
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neener
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thanks for the advice. I have tried. He tells me that he can't get involved with the baby yet because sh/he is not here yet. Then when I ask him about making love to me, well I did miscarry in January, and he says he is scared, we had sex one time since my pregnancy and that was about a month ago, and this week I will be four months. I really do need him to help around the house too. I do understand he does work a lot, but so do I, I do too work full-time and I have to come home and cook, and straighten up and I m tired a lot with this pregnancy. I just don't know a way to tell him, today he left for work without talking and I don't want it to me like this. I am lost and need directions where to do.
thanks!!!

May 16, 2004
1:31 pm
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annastar
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We, women have this sweet elusion about how men supposed to treat us when we pregnant and we expect them to share our view on it, but, unfortunately- men have their own understanding of process. I will not use my personal story as an example because my situation way massed up, but I knew what am I doing, I wanted it to happen and now I have to deal with it. But from general knowledge I would say- I don’t believe in “happy pregnancy”. May be other mothers here can say- it is not true- my was happy- may be, but every one of us had to deal with difficult issues at some point. I heard that between 4th and 6th month (by the way- I’ll be 6 month next week) men going through reevaluation and possible rejection phase. First few month they are very excited, thinking, talking about it, starting to be overprotective, trying to be extra-caring and take care about us some time more then we need. After a wile they getting tired. It is like- hard work- why is nothing happen? It is only 4th month, but for them it feels like it been forever and they done so much. They tired to think about it, talk about it, be nice with you… They usually getting better around 7 month, when they start seeing- you are really “in trouble”- getting big and uncomfortable and really need him. So- I would say- just hand in there- it will get better. Father of my child disappeared when I was 4 months and did not talk with me 2 months. He has other family. But I hope- he will show some signs of interest some time soon. Will see. If you curious- more about my story in “No contact” thread. Nice to meet you, lets hope- things will change to the better.

May 16, 2004
1:58 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Actually, your husband does need to be "getting involved" with the baby even before it is here. He needs to start bonding now.

Pregnant women need help. Look, if you are working full time, it is time for you and hubby to divy up chores. Should have done that already, anyway. By the last month or two, it is reasonable for you to not have to do ANY cooking or cleaning. He should be waitng on you hand and foot.

As far as love making--having sex probably did not cause your miscarriage. And there are ways to make love without intercourse, anyway.

May 16, 2004
2:24 pm
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annastar
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Yes, they say- making love is even good for you. I know- I can not do it “all the way”. I want to, but when it gets to the point…I know- it should not hurt, but- to be on a save side…I know- I don’t feel “the same” after and it takes a wile to feel better. But then again… I have mental issues as well.

May 16, 2004
4:24 pm
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Zinnie
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Hi Neener,

My son-in-law was kind of "uninvolved" with my daughter's pregnany, until they had the ultrasound. Then when he felt the baby move, it was all over for him. He would actually lay over her tummy and talk to his daughter.

Men see pregnancy differently, because honestly their bodies are not going through the changes the woman's body does.

Perhaps tell him when you start to feel the flutterings, which will be happening soon if not already, and encourage him to come to the sonnogram with you.

Other than that, tell him directly how you feel, but I agree with Camer, the party is over and done with, let it go.

Other than that, congrats, and good luck.

Z.

May 20, 2004
10:32 am
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lewis
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Hi neener

how are things going with your relationship & pregnancy

just want to say what WD said is just spot on, he sounds like a top Fellow : )

May 20, 2004
5:31 pm
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Anonymous
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I don't think there's anything wrong with you feeling slighted by your husband. You can't go out, kick up your heels in a smoky club and have a few drinks. That doesn't mean he can't, but what if HE was the one who was pregnant? What would he want YOU to do?

If you think he might be willing to look inside himself, it might help you to understand him if you asked him these questions.

Once you became pregnant, you became a mother and he became a father. It's just that simple.

Ren'ai

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