Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Pregnancy and Abuse.. Really need some advice
September 29, 2003
9:38 pm
Avatar
ms.confused
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi all..

Im kinda stuck in a dimemna. I have this friend that i use to be really close to.. we are no longer friends anymore. When me and my ex split we also split our friendship due to him cuttin my electricity off because my ex told him to ( in which he lived with me for about 4 years off and on and never paid a dime) anyway ...his girlfriend is pregnant and shes been instant msgin me telling me about the things my ex and her boyfriend are doing. I told her that i really dont want to know that im not a part of it anymore. Shes a really sweet girl and she reminds me alot of myself actually. She recently told me some really horrible things such as hes beating her and hes tried to make her agree to him "pimping" other females and shes 8 mos pregnant and shes beginning to see the signs of all kinds of negative behavior in which my ex is puttin him up to do most. Her boyfriend is really a follower and doesnt use his own mind when it comes to thinking sometimes. Anyway my delinma is ive been talkin with her because she has no one else.. she cant talk to her mom or her brother because they both hate him so much and shes scared of what might happen if they find out. I was talkin with her yesterday and i guess he came in and seen it and she immediately signed off. Last night about 1 am i returned home and found a really threating ( i found it threating) instant message on my pc screen that said:

U DOnt know me wel:
rEmEmBeR A WoMaN Is OnLy aS GoOd As ThE CoMpAnY ShE kEePs
lUv.. UvE BeEn WaRnEd

I know it was him from the way he typed and because of the sitution that happened. Im really scared for her. I hope he didnt hurt her. But at the same time im wondering if i should be consulting with her at all. I just dont want her to make the mistakes i did and i see it coming and ive expressed to her that she doesnt deserve those things in her life and that she has a baby coming. i really think shes close to leaving and im not sure what I should do because I feel Ive helped her come to terms with some things in her relationship but am I oversteppin boundaries? I could really use some advice on this one. Thanks

September 29, 2003
9:45 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

That sounds awful. Hopefully she listened to your warnings. Take care of yourself. I'm not sure if I am able to give advice...but I wouldn't want to be involved in all of that chaos. My heart goes out to you and your ex-friend. Abuse is BS and no one should have to tolerate it. There are safe places to go. But how do you tell her to leave and not have it intercepted. Good Luck.

September 29, 2003
10:21 pm
Avatar
Ladeska
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

ARGGGHHHHHHH.........You know, you've done what you could with the window you had opened to you. Sometimes we don't have a very big window in time and opportunity to do what we can. Now all you can do is wait and hope and pray that she will activate her own will to do something here. Unfortunately, the ball is in her court here.

It's a really wicked world and sometimes people do things that not only endanger themselves but put their children in harm's way as well. There are ways to turn in abuse though and you can do it anonymously. Tipster hotlines, if you know of drug activity works well. If you provide a license plate of the individuals and if they have "priors", then the police can go in without a search warrant and under suspicion only. That's the way it is in our state here in the U.S. And these hotlines are anonymous. You get a number assigned to the file and add to it anytime you want to. This is given to the narc unit and any other unit that needs it and is updated weekly.

I don't know what all is involved here, but can only imagine...

It's really sad when people bring children into this world, right into the lion's mouth so to speak, giving them little or no chance of survival.

I know you want to help her but you may never know how much you already have. Now it's up to her, unless you want to do something anonymously. You have to think of your safety as well and from now on, I'd watch that...online, on the phone and in person. One thing you could do is find out some phone numbers for help in her area like crisis pregnancy centers where she could live and have her baby. The ones here are great! I was a counselor at one for awhile and they take care of you really well.

But just find every kind of hotline info you can and give it to her somehow and tell her to put it somewhere that it can't be found and to call those numbers and see what help there is for her.

The thing with emails and IM's is that if you really don't know what you're doing - other people can tap into the history of what you've just written and pull it all up, so if he's computer literate and if she's not careful - he can read everything she writes on there. Not hard to do. So, if I were you, I might try getting those numbers to her and then stay a safe distance away. She's got to act on her own best interest here and you can't make her do that, unfortunately. You can do so much and then - it's her ballgame.

September 30, 2003
3:34 am
Avatar
arwen
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

If this young woman is truly at a juncture in her life where she is willing to seek and accept help, then see if you can gather up a bit of information about resources available to her and share them with her. This has to be done carefully because she might pay dearly if he finds out that she is accessing this kind of information. Also, she might not be in a place, yet, where she wants to take this path. It's a long and difficult journey.

I think if you're all she has, and you're willing to continue to talk to her, that's fine--as long as you are safe! I'm sure you know these abusers want to blame ANYONE but themselves for their bad behavior. It would be tragic if you were to become any more of a target for him!

Referring her to an agency or individual who deals with these situations on a regular basis is a good way for you to feel like you are making a positive contribution, but it can remove you from his focus a bit as well. If you need help finding out any information, let me know and I'll find an 800 number for you to call. Also, there is a place on these boards that deals with Domestic Violence, and if you did an internet search, you just might be able to find a national directory that could point you in the right direction.

Take care of you, and be safe!!!

Sincerely,

Arwen

September 30, 2003
1:35 pm
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

This is a very dangerous situation. The guy obviously is not only a batterer but a sociopath as well. Protect yourself first.

Speak to your friend by telephone or in person--not email. Try to refer her to local domestic violence hotlines. She will be in danger if she tries to leave him, but staying there does not sound very safe, either.

Again, protect yourself first. My prayers.

September 30, 2003
3:48 pm
Avatar
ms.confused
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for all the responses..Ive really been thinking about this alot since I posted. I feel like Im all she has but I dont want to lose myself in the process or put myself or her in harms way. I have began to collect a few resources and I am gonna provide them to her if she contacts me again. Im sure she will but after she feels that it may be safe. Im sure shes really confused right now and not sure if she should contact me again due to the scare he probably put in her but I will keep her in my prayers. Thanks for your help and Ill keep yall posted. Its really a sad situation and I can feel her pain. Its not easy.

September 30, 2003
4:10 pm
Avatar
Ladeska
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Please tell her, when you give her this information, to either put it in a VERY safe place or give it to someone she trusts for safekeeping and to make a call ASAP to someone.

September 30, 2003
6:13 pm
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

If you ever recieve an IM like that again, do a print screen and print it out. It's documentation. If she ever ends up in court seeking a restraining order, you could testify about what happened and you would that evidence to support your testimony. You don't have to prove things necessarily, documentation is support of testimony. It could prove useless. But then, it might not. She is so lucky to have you as a caring friend in her life.

free

September 30, 2003
6:23 pm
Avatar
Ladeska
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

GOOD POINT, FREE!!!

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online: cabaccum
9
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111038
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38581
Posts: 714349
Newest Members:
kozakor, cabaccum, tayecok, serebrina, zanehamilton, HowardWow1997
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information