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PREGNANCIE CRAZIES - NEED TO KNOW HOW TO SUPPORT MY BABY SISTER
October 2, 2006
4:37 pm
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doubleloss
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Hi all, this is a totally different thread. My baby sister is pregnant with her first child (first baby in the family...yuuuppii!!). I am elated to say the least but she is not.

She is a stress case wondering if her baby is healthy. They decided not to have the test to see if the baby is. Everytime she goes to the ultrasound to find out the gender of the baby, the baby doesn't move. All vitals are normal, but she has been told it's a small baby. Now she is obsessed thinking that the baby might be a midget, dwarf, retarded, etc. She's gained 20 lbs and she's only in her 5th month, so she is totally distraught about the weight gain. She's nauseous every morning (still) and the only thing that she craves to eat is MacDonlad's (she never ate that!). So she's a mess. My brother in law is all worried but don't want to tell her so she doesn't see him stressed out, and she doesn't like him to see her all distraught so he doesn't get stressed out. I've told both of them that they should just talk and cry and worry together, but they are scared.

I don't know how to support my sister. I've just told her to talk all she wants and that I won't give her advice, tell her it will be all right or ignore her. I'll just listen. I've also suggested to talk to her doctor about her feelings. I think she's over stressing, everything indicates the baby is fine, developing normally, etc. But I've never been pregnant so I don't know how moms to be feel at all, and I don't want to be telling her not to worry because I know she feels invalidated, she's said that.

Any suggestions from all the moms out there?

October 2, 2006
6:40 pm
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mj
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There is an excellent book available for pregnant mothers called "What to expect when you are expecting". It helps to understand pregnancy and lots of information. Congratulation on your upcoming Niece or Nephew! Listening is a good thing unless it starts to stress you out as well.

October 2, 2006
6:43 pm
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doubleloss
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thanks mj. She has the book. I'm so excited aobut this new baby. I know she is very scared. But I also know she is going to be a terrific mother. I just want to hold her and for her to know that no matter what, I'm here for her. I just don't know what to say, maybe the best is to say nothing.

October 2, 2006
11:34 pm
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Devon
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Haagen Daas helped me...about a million years ago when I was pregnant....

October 2, 2006
11:41 pm
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ggfred4
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Devon, now that made me laugh!

Double, have you gone to a doctor appointment with her and together expressed her worries to her doctor, nurse, etc? I am just thinking that maybe should would listen to a professional in that field. Every pregancy is different, so everyone will have a different story and advice to tell.

Pregnancy can be stressful, but excess stress can be harmful.

You are a very caring sister and I am glad you are there for her!

October 3, 2006
9:06 am
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lovetocrochet
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Hi doubleloss,

People underestimate how stressful pregnancy can be. All of a sudden you worry about things you never thought you would.

Even if your sister's baby turns out to have a disability it isn't the end of the world, just a shift to a different one. My daughter has autism, there's no way to test for it in pregnancy and frankly I don't think I'd have wanted to know if there was... plus her diagnosis helped me eventually get mine and explain SO many things, so it turned out to be a blessing. She's also helped me learn to slow down in life and appreciate the little things.

But your head can get filled up with all sorts of things wondering what's going to happen. Sometimes they're real, sometimes it's your mind wanting to prepare for the worst so you're not devastated if it turns out you're right.

Somewhere in there though there are times when you simply go oh, my little baby is in there! That's when you relax and feel that new Mommy warmth wash over. However if you end up obsessing on the things that make you afraid, you can't enjoy the times when you feel that new life growing in you.

I think what you said about just wanting to hold your sister and say you'll be there for her would do so much more for her than you could imagine. If you live too far away to hug her you can send her a bouquet of roses or her favorite flowers.

There's a book that's been out there forever called "A Child is Born" by Lennart Nilsson. Contains some of the first photos taken in utero of babies in different stages of development. I have loved that book since I was young and it was really neat to go through it with my husband when pregnant with our son.

Oh and tell her not to worry about the weight gain. I gained 50 pounds while pregnant with my daughter, and 63 while pregnant with my son... lots of women actually end up gaining more weight than what they suggest, it happens. In my case I had an overeating problem well before my kids were around so I had to have more help than most to get the weight off, but most other women who gain that much can get it off just fine after baby's come along. Some of it will stick when breastfeeding in some cases but again, it goes away in time.

October 3, 2006
9:06 am
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lovetocrochet
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One more thing - congratulations on your impending auntiehood!

October 3, 2006
7:24 pm
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doubleloss
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loveto, gg, devon, mj,
thank you so much for your suggestions. lovetoc, i'll buy her the book you said. I have no idea what to say, but maybe this is one of those cases that saying nothing is better, and just listen. I'm lucky enough that she lives only 2 blocks from me, so we see each other often or we talk on the phone (she works weird shifts though).

Yep, I'm so excited about this child. My poor sis and binlaw will have so much work, I'm planning to spoil that kid rottne, LOL!!! and they'll have to educate him/her. Can't wait. She's due end of Jan.

October 3, 2006
8:54 pm
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Devon
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Don't forget the Haagen Daas!!! (Or you WILL lose your head!)

October 4, 2006
9:05 am
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lovetocrochet
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LOL, Devon 🙂 Let's just hope she's not dairy intolerant!

October 4, 2006
5:13 pm
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doubleloss
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i will by her some HD. I think she'll freak out as seh is so worried about the weight. She was a bit overweight when she got pregnant so she is feeling like a big balloon.

Do you remember what whas the most useful gift you got?

October 6, 2006
9:05 am
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loverbee
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I am in the same boat that you are right now. I am going to be an aunt in feb. and my sister lives in hawaii. She has been sick her entire pregnancy so far and it is hard to know what to say sometimes. I have just listened and listened and listened and I think it is calming her down. I never get mad or anxious ( I figure that is her job) and it seems to be helping. But she is hormonal and I realize that a lot of it has to do with that. I guess that is the only advice I can give you.

October 6, 2006
1:52 pm
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doubleloss
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hi loverbee. congrats on the coming baby. do you have kids?

whenever the media portrays pregnancy (just as marriage, LOL!) it's always shown in such beautiful light. The skinny, beatutiful preganant woman that is about to pop and looks like she just swallowed a melon, no tears, no anxiety, no morning sickness, but her sitting on a beautiful sofa, bathed by soft light thinking of how beautiful life is....that was the image i had about pregnancies. As you can reckon I have not been around pregnant anyobody, it's the first one really so i'm also at a loss. I too, just listen to her. nothing else i can do.

i just know that i'm already so happy to know this baby is going to be around, i already love it so much. yep! i'm going to be a good aunty.

but then, that will be a learning process too, i do not want to ever interfere with the way my sis and broinlaw will be reaising their kid. they have good boundaries and i'm working on mine so hopefully all will work out just fine.

October 13, 2006
10:13 am
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talibia
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help your sister any way you can in any way remember just because she had a baby doesn't mean she's any different from you or any other girl.

October 13, 2006
3:17 pm
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doubleloss
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talibia, that is such common sense advice, because yes, she's still one of "the girls". the baby is not born yet, i never want to alienate her, evereverever by treating her like a mommy, thanks, sometiems the simplest solutions are the best ones

October 14, 2006
6:37 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Boy I wish other people would take that advice. I have one friend and I dont get to see her very often cause I have kids and she doesnt. People often dont think that mommys can get lonely. Often I feel rejected because no one has time for me. So yes Please take that advice infact that is the best thing you can do for her.

October 21, 2006
5:43 pm
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Devon
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Just open your mouth and say:

HAAAAAAAGEN DAAAAAAAAS!

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