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Predators: What caused them to be?
May 22, 2007
11:22 am
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58burst
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What brings a predator into the world? Is it in their upbringing? Childhood trauma? Without counseling, how do their lives general progress? What do they fear?

May 22, 2007
11:29 am
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Randomwomen2
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Yes and yes. My ex step father is a sexual predator. He was abused by his parents and because he didn't get help and some other unknown aspect he abused me. Now I didn't get counseling until I had kids but I would never hurt them. Maybe it has to do with there brain chemistry. I dont know. My ex step father has been in and out of prison for years.

May 22, 2007
2:07 pm
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StronginHim77
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There are different degrees of being a "predator." Guess they range from serial killers to sexual predators to men seeking codependent women to abuse, (emotionally, verbally and -- sometimes -- physically).

I have met and married two "online" predators who would fall into the category of being narcissists. Both figured out that I was vulnerable and moved in for the kill, so to speak. Both turned out to be cruel, verbally and emotionally abusive. Once they got me into their bed, they quickly tired of me and then didn't know what to do with me. I believe that both thought I had money. (I was widowed four years ago...a sitting duck for an online predator.) No money? Sexually, no longer a challenge? The abuse began...in one case, on the wedding night.

Since exiting both toxic relationships with these emotional and financial predators, I have read alot of books about narcissists, toxic men, etc. Seems that the biggest factor in producing these twisted men is their upbringing...the dynamics of their early, family bonds with both mother and father. Some predators are sociopaths who are utterly incapable of feeling any empathy, mercy or remorse towards any living creature. Some sociopaths are relatively harmless, directing their energies into their work achievements, etc. and avoiding all personal attachments. Others become criminals of varying degrees. All sociopaths lack a conscience. (Scary, eh?)

Is there a specific situation you are trying to understand or make sense of? With someone in your life? If you can share more details, someone here might have better input that I was able to cough up.

- Ma Strong

May 22, 2007
5:06 pm
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58burst
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I got involved with a brazilian go-go dancer. After going to see her for 6 months, she then told me she was married. By then I already started to develop feelings for her. there is more detail on the Charmers posting. To make a long story short it was through this experience that opened my eyes to being codependant.

May 22, 2007
8:34 pm
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StronginHim77
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58 -

A Brazilian dancer? WHOA. That is not a coincidence. Last year, I counseled a successful airline pilot who was (literally) bankrupting himself to provide every luxury for a Brazilian dancer. He was absolutely besotted with her. She, of course, "worked" him mercilessly for more -- and yet more. It was a very sad situation. He even gave her his mother's sapphire/diamond heirloom necklace & bracelet set, a brand new Mercedez (in HER name - not his)...well, you get the picture. He was sexually addicted to her.

I would encourage you to seek counseling for yourself. Although I am not into "labeling," I have met several of these Brazilian women. They are desperate to escape their poverty-ridden circumstances and latch onto North Americans for help. Have you given any financial support to this woman? If so, I hear alarm bells ringing.

Take care.

- Ma Strong

May 22, 2007
10:36 pm
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58burst
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NO! She comes from a wealthy family. Believe it or not, but I think, in some strange way, she cared for me for not leading me with any false positive emotions. She basically let me build this non existant relationship in my head. But she did mix lies with truths. I saw myself in her. I know I am codependant. And obsessive/compulsive. And have come to terms with having to let her go. And put my trust in God. It started out as a sexual addiction, but I just couldn't justify those feelings, and stopped them, in turn I pursued/offered my friendship. I wanted to make her happy, and help her to be happy. I mean a real relationship, caring, nuturing, growing, and loving. Not lustful. Going back to church, children, etc... Even though she hurt me very deeply, and I loved her like no ther woman, I forgive her and will always pray for her. I ask God to Forgive her and watch over her. Maybe someday, she'll grow up and change her life for the better. She is 35, and I'm 43. As for me, I'm going to attend CODA.

May 22, 2007
10:52 pm
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58burst
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I forgot to add, that I'm going to Brazil in December, for 3 weeks. The good thing is I'm traveling with my friend and his Brazilian wife, who is very moral, and has stronge religous principals. They have been married 11 years, and both are 32! Out of all my friends he has one of the very best marriages. His wife told me, that when Brazilian women come to NJ and learn english, the ones who are already here, tell them to become dancers, easy money. Or they are indentured slaves to Portuguese men who bring them here for $10,000. What part of the country are you in? Newark, NJ, has quite a Brazilian community now. and great restaurants. I can tell you this much, I've never related better to any woman like Valarie. Smart, sexy, intelligent, cultured, funny, but troubled, married and a predator. I felt very comfortable and at ease with her. When she hurt me, like the way she did, I thought I was going to die.

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