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Prayers please? Healintime
June 4, 2007
9:08 am
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healintime
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Hi everyone,

I haven't posted much lately - lost my Gran about six weeks ago and almost immediately my Mum got what the doctor originally thought was bad bronchitis. She had a lung x-ray that showed a partial collapse, so was sent for a CT and was meant to get the results tomorrow.

Today she was in a lot of pain so was taken by ambulance to the ER where the doctor assigned to her siad that she needs to see a respiratory specialist first thing in the morning - but the gist is that his bet is that it's cancer. She's a 59 year old smoker of 40 years. I've been in panic mode about the possibility of this for three full weeks now - since she got her first x-ray - and tonight I feel stunned, numb, panicked and so not up to the task that is possibly ahead of me. I don't know how it went from "get a CT see me in a week" with the GP to "looks like cancer" from an attending. None of this makes any sense and I feel like my head is about to pop off.

I've had some rough conversations with my Mum in the last few years (she drank for many years) and have thrown all kinds ob blame and anger her way. I wish I could take all of it back tonight - all of it.

So if anyone believes in a God of any kind - could you please spare a thought and a prayer tonight?

Hugs,

H x

June 4, 2007
9:18 am
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readyforachange
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(((healintime))) I will keep you and your mother in my prayers. I lost a good friend to lung cancer a few years ago, and she was NOT a smoker. There is still the possibility that she does not have cancer, right? Or that it is in the early stages and very treatable? Keep holding on to hope. Take care.

June 4, 2007
9:31 am
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healintime
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Hi ready,

Thank you for posting - it's nearly midnight here and all I can do is wait until morning. I hope, hope, hope that it's not cancer but the ER attending was pretty straightforward in saying that it's probably a tumor blocking her bronchial tract. I do not know why this didn't show up on the first or second x-ray - and I am totally confused. It "could" be a massive infection - but she hasn't responded to nearly a month of antibiotics. I hope it's an infection. I so hope that it's an infection.

H x

June 4, 2007
9:32 am
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bevdee
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Healintime

I don't pray- but I will send some athiest positive healing energy toward you.

(((Healin)))

June 4, 2007
12:04 pm
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mj
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Hi Healintime,

I am so sorry to hear of your pain and worry. Sorry for your loss.

Sometimes we are faced with many challenges at once. It feels almost unbearable. I am glad you came here for support. Sending you love, healing energy, and will keep you in my prayers.

June 4, 2007
1:02 pm
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(((Healintime)))

Sending love and my agnostic prayers your way for courage and strength.

I believe I understand how you feel about wanting to take back harsh things you have said to your mother over the years. I felt that way too when my mother died. But I had a very strong conviction come over me that at the moment of death (and perhaps even long before, I'm now guessing) a person understands all and forgives all. At least that was the very strong feeling I got about my mother and it comforted me.

May you find comfort at this time, dear healin, and the grace to get through whatever lies ahead.

love and good thoughts,
kroika

June 4, 2007
1:23 pm
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StronginHim77
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healin-

Yes. I will pray for your mother. And yes -- it could be a very serious, resistant infection. So, don't throw in the towel yet. It might not be cancer.

- Ma

June 4, 2007
1:32 pm
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lollipop3
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((((healin)))),

My thoughts are with you and your mother.

Sending positive energy your way.

Love,
Lolli

June 4, 2007
2:30 pm
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mamacinnamon
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prayers goin up. Hang in there

June 4, 2007
8:43 pm
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Rasputin
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(((Heal)))

I'm sorry hon for what you're going thru. My oldest sis has had breast cancer 2 years ago and she is still alive. She is perfectionist who eats very healthy food & lifestyle. There is always hope with prayers and with the advanced knowledge and tech we have today. Never give up hoping!

(((Hugs & Prayers)))

June 5, 2007
12:39 pm
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StronginHim77
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Just bumping this up to let you know that I am continuing to pray for your mother AND for YOU!!

Love,

Ma Strong

June 5, 2007
6:07 pm
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healintime
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Hi guys,

Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. Unfortunately we got a for sure diagnosis yesterday and it is definitely lung cancer - there is a malignant mass blocking air to her left lung. Aim for now is to try to open that up so they can save the lung, which had pretty much colapsed. Radiation today and more tests to see what, exactly, we're dealing with and where it's at.

This is very hard. I am trying to be strong but am losing it pretty regularly. I've had some tough conversations with my Mon (now sober, both of us) in teh last few years and I wish I could take all of it back. I love her so much.

Will keep you posted,

H x

June 5, 2007
6:28 pm
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(((Healin)))

I believe with all my heart that your mother loves you and knows how much you love her.

I am sending all my best thoughts to you in this sad time.

love, kroiks

June 5, 2007
6:51 pm
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bevdee
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(((Healintime)))

June 5, 2007
7:08 pm
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Dear Healintime,

I'm so sorry for what you are trying to deal with now. As Kroika says, you know your mother loves you. And she knows you love her. You don't have to go there any more.

I can pray for you and your mother...that you both can forgive and forget the past....that her treatment will be successful...that you both will be able to cope what is to come. I pray for courage for you both.....for strength, and faith and comfort.

June 11, 2007
6:36 pm
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healintime
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Thanks guys,

Despite everything there has been a lot of love and healing - and even a good dose of humor in that hospital this week. We are all hanging together - and maybe for the first time ever as a family, it is really together-together. Crazy, huh?

The big scary test results will come back today to see whether it's in one place. Please pray hard that it is. And thank you for all your thoughs and kind words - I appreciate it so much.

h x

June 11, 2007
7:10 pm
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StronginHim77
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Praying that the growth is local and has not spread. Let us know when you can.

- Ma

June 12, 2007
5:52 am
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healintime
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Hi guys,

Ma - thank you - results today and it is as local as local can be. Clear PET scan, with minimal involvement of -one- lymph node right next to the tumor itself - which is "to be expected." We're dealing with one tumor, in one lung, in one place. It sounds stupid to say that's good news, all things considered, but it is, to quote the doctor "VERY" good news. They're going to hit it hard - which means some tough times ahead - but it means we're fighting one nasty guy and not a whole army (all those other vital organs that it could have shown up in - I am crying as I type that). Long, long road ahead but it's not a sheer climb at this stage and that is good news.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, atheist/agnostic good vibes (love ya kroiks) and for caring.

I'm going to hit th ehay - I feel like a balloon that has had all the air let out of it tonight.

H x

June 13, 2007
11:56 pm
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doubleloss
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Hi healing. Just found this thread.

[uuuuufffff] big sigh of relief!! Yes, it's odd to say it's VERY good news that it's just one tumor in one spot, but, IT is great news.

What is the course of action now? will your Mum be getting chemo / radiation? surgery?

When I get home I'll lite a candle for you and one for her and get my contacts up there to watch out for your mUm.

I'm glad your family has responded well to the news. Keep strong, keep centered. You are right, there are some tough times ahead.

Big hug. Love, double.

June 14, 2007
10:49 am
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StronginHim77
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Healin -

Yes...that IS good news for any cancer patient. I am very glad to hear it. Your mom has some rough days ahead, as they are going to bombard it (probably with chemo AND radiation) which will leave her very tired and weak. But she can definitely beat this. I am continuing to pray.

Love,

Ma

June 14, 2007
11:06 am
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bluewillow
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My prayers and thoughts are with you and your mother. Try to stay strong and always keep the faith, just hang in there you can do this. Your Mom needs you right now to be srong for her.
Big hugs
Willow

June 14, 2007
1:26 pm
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southgoingzax
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It's great news!....I am sure you and your family (and most importantly, your mother) can and will get through this...and maybe draw closer together as a family as a result.

thinking positive thoughts your way,

zax

June 16, 2007
2:21 pm
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healintime
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Thank you everyone for your thoughts. Zaxy, yip - that has been the case already. My Mum was making some very strange noises about seven weeeks ago (like a rattling wheeze) and was told by her GP that it was "a bad cold". She had been having pain in her face for about four months and I hit some medical journal sites to do some searching and found out that referred pain can be a sympton of a mass in the lung. She went back to the GP two more times - first an x-ray (lung partially collapsed but teh Gp said it was stil likely an infection) then a CT that came back after I had already called an ambulance two weeks ago - because she just wasn't getting any air.

There have been a lot of lessons in this journey already and teh first one is that when you know something is off, or wrong, you so need to keep pushing your doctor. The specialist was stunned that my Mum wasn't sent straight to hospital a month ago. Her blood oxygen levels were startling when she was first admitted but she had a minor operation to clear out the pipe and will start radiation and chemo next Monday. Because of where it is, surgery isn't an option unless they take the whole lung - which they don't want to do - so we have to pray, hard, that it's as responsive as possible to radiation.

On my part - I am pretty exhausted. And we haven't even gotten to the tough stuff yet. I'm trtying to take this weekend "off" but have an awful lot of work to catch up on - and an awful lot of emotions to catch up on. Feels like I've been hit by a truck with all the back and forthing to the hospital as well as the anxious waiting.

Hugs,

H x

July 3, 2007
1:06 am
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southgoingzax
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Hi healin,

I saw you posting on another thread, so I thought I would send you a note - I really hope you are holding up okay with all the stress and worry of your mother's illness...And I hope she is doing okay.

I know I have been in a wierd place lately, this whole "change", "decision-making" has kind of driven me crazy and I feel - if I ever stop to think about it - totally out of control. And this is about things I can control. SO I can only imagine how you must be feeling regarding your mother's condition, something you can't at all control.

So, I just wanted to send you some positive thoughts.

zax

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