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powerplays fom the ex- no where to go
January 22, 2005
10:11 am
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aliconie
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help! I feel so alone right now and was so relieved to come across this website...My boyfriend of 2 yrs. and I broke up 2wks ago and I've kind of been in denial about it thinking he'll change his mind..well no- he's been telling people(i haven't- I've been lyingto them) and I still live here so we have to be around eachother though he is being really mean and asking me when I'm leaving and abusing his power. It is very uncomfortable and stressful on top of looking for a job and a new place...which is howw i realized i was a codep because i willingly gave up my whole life for him... instead of spending my time energy and money
on myself i was cooking and cleaning and thinking about him ...totally ignoring my whole life and needs.i'm going to my first CODA meeting Mon and its so uncomfortable around here i am wondering what to do. Also ihave been really sick for a number of weeks with acute bronchitis and the stress isn't helping my health- which is what i think contributed to the breakup my being so sick for so long..now i am sleeping on a very uncomfortable loveseat(how ironic)and my life is in shambles...where do i go from here?

January 22, 2005
10:43 am
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sewunique
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September 27, 2010
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Welcome alicone,

You certainly have much going on right now. The stress is not helping, now you are sick, and that makes you more miserable, for sure. I am glad you found this site with warm people with some of the same situations as you are going thru.

Where do you go from here? How do get started putting your life together? By taking one day at a time, one hour at a time and one step at a time. You're on the right track.

There are links for information on this homepage to check into with good information. Keep posting, as there are great people who will respond who have boyfriend situations as you. Until then, know that you are not alone in this and this is a great site for support.

It really hurts when we have given our all to a relationship that does not give in return. It hurts when we have given up of our own selves, just to find we have been taken advantage of our good intentions and trampled on. Being codependent sucks, but learning about it and learning how to set boundaries to meet our needs first is possible. Melody Beattie has a book that is most popular called "Codependent No More", that is another start.
In the meantime, take care of yourself to get over this bronchitis. Why are you sleeping on a loveseat? You need some good rest and have you seen a doctor to help this infection so you can get going with faces you ahead? Take care,

Sew

January 22, 2005
4:48 pm
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aliconie
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Thanks so much for your kind words Sew. I went out to the track and walked a few miles, bought a big salad a yummy candy bar and a bunch of beautiful flowers and the early sunday paper and am watching HGTV - doing my favorite things. I forgot how much i love to excercise and how good it makes me feel...can you tell I'm in a better frame of mind? I will get through this- the last break up was much worse but i had my own place and a job. I will write myself a letter about the things i wish I'd done differently (w/out beating myself up) so I don't do this again...I actually have "codep no more" that i read after the prev. relationship ended but i guess i thought this rel. was diff't...he seemed to want me to have more of my own life and was more interested in me when i was making myself happy....I really do want those things -but for some reason when i get into a relationship everything else falls so far to the wayside the r'ship is all i have and when i lose that i have nothing.

January 22, 2005
6:11 pm
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CAMER
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hi Ali & welcome, and Sew, gave some good advice, she is great!..I am so glad you are now focusing on you, and isn't working out great, it relieves the mind of stress and makes the body feel great. You def. need balance in your life, with men, friends, work, family, your own time, hobbies, coda meetings....its all balance and one shouldn't be more than the other. I know all too well of investing all my time and thoughts in a man, and end up being hurt..you are taking good steps and keep the focus on you & keep coming back and posting..this site is greeeeattt!!! ((camer)))

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