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POT...He can't quit. He says if I don't want to be married to white trash, then I need to leave. DUH!!
May 25, 2005
3:37 pm
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LouWho
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Oh, God, if it weren't so completely stupid, or totally embarrassing, I would be telling my friends this, but then they don't know my REAL situation. They think that my husband is a jerk, but they have no real clue as to what an incredible jerk this guy really is.

Okay, Friday, I was washing the upstairs flooring and took a bad slip and fall and hit my Sharper Image Air Cleaner thing with my rib cage, which broke the fall that my hip took. When I hit the floor, the pain was so searing, that I thought I broke my hip and a few ribs. All from mopping! It's more than the law should allow.

I was laying on the floor, and the pain was still throbbing and I though I better not try to move in case I did fracture but not break, and moving might make it worse, or whatever you think when you may have just broke something serious. I called out for help, and eventually my husband came up the stairs. (How could he have not heard me fall??)

Anyways, I'm laying there, and I swear to God, this is what was said and happened:
"What is the matter with you?" he said
"I fell, I think its bad."
"How did you fall?"
"I was mopping."
Mind you, he is standing over me with his arms crossed over his chest.
"Can you help me up, I think I may have broken something." I say.
He stands there for a moment and just watches me. I try to move to where I can get myself up without to much stress on my lower half in case I did break the hip, but I really just look like I am flopping around on the floor like a fish. Finally, he gets aggrevated at my fruitless attempts to get up and in a pissed off voice he bends over to help me up and says the magic words,
"God Damn you, *$2(, if you have gone and broke your hip, what the fuck am I suppose to do now??"

I believe those words will haunt my dreams for the rest of my life.

And of course, they have sealed his fate for good and all times.

So I go downstairs to check out the wounds, and already I have softballs on my ribcage and hip bone rising. (Just from falling mopping, can you belive it?) I notice the back door is open, and I then realize that my darling husband, who only 3 days ago promised on our marriage that he would not bring pot back into the house, is out in the garage getting high.

I walk out there, and sure enough, there he stands with the stuff in his hands and this stupid guilty smile. I say that I thought he promised on our marriage that no more pot would come into the house. OH, BUT THIS IS THE GARAGE, teehee, tee hee. Isn't he clever.

So he's out of town now, after having spent the past 3 days in a pot coma, and he calls me now sober and is poking around to see how much damage he's done in the last week with his broken promises and his behavior. So I give it to him straight-I am ready to leave, if you hadn't left on business, I would be gone now. (Even though this is my house.)

He get's pissed. This is not fair, you are trying to change me, I do not try to change you he shouts at me on the phone. If you can't handle how I cope with stress, then you need to leave. I am white trash, and if you don't like it, you need to leave. This is the law as he lays it down to me. (I wanted to laugh, but I was kinda pissed and resentful at the time.)

Ah, so true are his words. And as my plan is almost at the stage to which I can do so, he'll never know how close his ass is to being shut out the door. I am awaiting just one more thing to fall into place, and then, Hasta-La-Bye-Bye, ASSHOLE, you are history.

You know, if it weren't so embarrassing, I'd be up on stage doing it as a comedy peice. What a tremendous loser this guy is. How big of a loser was I to tie myself to this anchor??? Hold the door to the bus, Gus, I'm getting on board. I can barely wait for the day I boot this SOB to the curb. CAN YOU SAY LOSER????

A year ago, I would have been still sobbing about those words he spoke to me as I was laying there in pain. How, without even asking me if I was alright, or trying to help me, his only thought was of how this would affect his life. What a tremendous loser, and let me tell you what an idiot I was. I couldn't wait to strap this SOB to me for life, that is how stupid, and desparate and lonely and sick I was.

I wonder, in the future, will I ever be interested in men again after this creton?But as the country boy white trash mongrel which I married might say, "He dun broke me from suckin' eggs." Another way of saying that I don't believe I will be able to generate the desire to overlook this experience and jump into another relationship with any man, woman, child or fucking alien creature if my life depended upon it!

Now, based on the fact that my decision was made long ago to leave Mr. Wonderful, I can see that I have made not only the right choice, but the only choice. I offer myself congrats on the fact that none of this is making any more than a mere "honorable mention" in the top 10 tensions in this home. And that speaks for alot of needless crap I have taken from this loser in the past five years.

Now in my fantascies, because we all have them, it happens like this....the police come to my door in the dead of night, and tell me that they need me to come and identify the body. I go, it is him and I feel sad that he was run over by a truck, then dragged over railroad tracks where he was then hit and consequently shreded by a train carrying hazardous materials. I go to the funeral quietly saying nothing. Then, as people beging to gather at my home, I seal myself into my upstairs bedroom. A friend will be sent downstairs after awhile to notify all that I am "prostrate with grief" and they should all leave now.

Once they have all left, I will burn everything he owns that isn't fit to sell, everything else goes on EBAY the next day. I mean the very next day. I won't give any of it away, I paid all to dearly for what it cost me in my sanity and life.

In a few days, the insurance companies for the truck driver and the railroad and haz mats folks will be calling looking for a hasty way to settle this case for the least amount of cash possible. My lawyer will try and try to talk me out of settling, but I turn to the insurance companies lawyers and say, "There trully is no fault here, gentlemen, accidents happen. I will accept your 10 million dollar settlement and thank you. I will give my lawyer only a $100,000 because he's a criminal anyways, and the rest will be banked.

I will live a quiet and humble existence for about a year, and then quietly move away to somewhere in the mountains of Montana or Wyoming, where I can begin to party like its 1999!

YEAH BABY!

Oh, well, I will have to settle for a nasty divorce. And he will be nasty, trust me, there is no way he ever exits anything quietly or with taste or elegance. Always must leave with a huge bang, with all in turmoil, all destroyed. Yes, that's how it will be, there's no use in wishing for anything better, it will be a battle royale. God, I hope someone from the Jerry Springer show isn't calling me in 4 months trying to book me as a guest opposite him. It would be the perfect end to the marriage of just another white trash loser and his pathetic, stupid wife.

Thank you for allowing me to vent. God bless this site for taking all the venom we have to give to it. God Bless all you sick SOBs that read this stuff, and god bless all of you that tell me I'm the sickest bitch they know and that they're hoping to attend the funeral!!!!!!

I know. I fully expect to go to hell. I will make my way to the front of that line and yell, "Single", so that one of you bastards can ride the chair lift down there with me.

Everybody have a great day.

May 25, 2005
3:48 pm
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sdesigns
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Lou Who: My gosh, you got yourself a good one, didn't you? Well, onward and upward, you can't do worse!! I'm sorry you were injured- that really puts some clarity into the situation doesn't it- when you are physically injured and that was all he could do. Well maybe when he's lying on the railraod tracks you'll have an opportunity to show what that felt like. You have such a good sense of humor(at first I wrote sense of himor- but that works as well). Hang in there. Did you break anything btw? SD

May 25, 2005
3:50 pm
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lollipop3
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It may be inappropriate to say but.....THIS IS ONE OF THE FUNNIEST GODDAMN THREADS I'VE EVER READ!!!!!!

It reminds me of something that happened to my sister not so long ago. I got a call from her employer saying that my sister was on her way to the emergency room. Apparently she took something from her husband that she thought was aspirin but apparently was not and she was all messed up and having trouble breathing! Anyway, I went to get her (she was ok) and I brought her home. Her husband was there and asked her why she was home early....she told him that she had to go to the hospital because the "aspririn" he gave her was not an aspirin.

His response...."OH, no shit"

THAT WAS IT!!!! nothing more he just walked away.

So I said "that's it....that's his repsonse" she said..."I guess".

I had to laugh!

Anyway, I'm sorry about your situation but from the bottom of my heart....

Thank you

Lolli

May 25, 2005
4:09 pm
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artist 2
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So, tell me why don't you just leave this asshole? Geesh.

May 25, 2005
4:15 pm
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codep
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I see a lot of bitterness and anger with this humor which is completely understandable, however, I hope that you can reach thru this and find the pain and grieve for it and then release it, we dont begin to grow until we experience these things.. I'm concerned about "I fully expect to go to hell" you should think better of yourself, I"m sure you are a great person worthy of a life of happiness and contentment, and has been jaded by someone not worthy of your love. My thoughts are with you.

May 25, 2005
5:24 pm
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LouWho
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OK, Artist, I'll tell you. It took a long time for the idiot in me to realize that I was sick. That I hooked up with someone like this because I was sick, and I stayed because I was sick. Later, when I woke up to realize I was sick, I was stuck. Because of financial and legal issues, I wasn't afforded the luxury to wake up and get out one morning. I had written myself into a long haul contract, and now property hangs in the balance which was not mine to rightfully place in harm's way.

I have gone through long and protracted means of extracating myself from this situation, I have gone to great personal expense to be able to restore this property to its rightful owners, as well as salvage much of other's losses back to each investor.

You see, it was a matter of pride. You know how people run themselves into debt and then claim bankruptcy and never have to pay a penny to the people or corporations that had faith in them? To me, this kind of action is not only morally bankrupt, but is unforgivable. I would not be able to live with myself if I had not done "the right thing". You see, it wasn't enough to realize the mistake I had made, or to recognize the losses I had enabled. In order for me to feel right about myself and my position in the world (so to speak, my face to god) I had to take my punishment, ride out the humiliation, but most importantly, restore the property which the sick part of me enabled to be lost.

In a few months, this past year of penance and repayment will be complete. All the damage will have been restored. Every stupid thing that he coercised me, or guilted me, emotionally blackmailed me or literally forced me into doing, will have all been undone, or returned, or repayed, or replaced.

My rant is a way in which I keep my head clear about why I stayed, what I learned, and a reminder to me of never repeating the past. It also helps to keep a sense of humor about it, because some of this was trully painful and life-changing, but I know that as long as I can have a laugh, I still have some of me left. Some of me that wasn't suppressed, or kicked down, or knocked around. The survivor that can look manage to face it all, stand up and take the medicine they deserve, and laugh in its face and give it the bird.

I needed to beat this in order to save me. It wasn't the easy way, or the quick way, or certainly not the cheap way, but in a few months, I will be able to say, "I may have lost my mind, but nobody else got hurt because of this insanity." That was important to me.

I didn't want to whine, really, I don't need sympathy, just a little fellowship, and sometimes, a little fun. Afterall, it is illness that brings us all together, is it not?

And if you want to know the really sick part, there is a part of me that still loves this bastard. There are times when I feel like I could struggle through this to help him, but I know he would only use me, confuse me, and the refuse me. So I may have been able to sew up all the loose ends, but there is damage here that will take a long time to heal. At least I took anything that had my name associated to it and made it right, and made it impossible for him to do this to someone else.

In this way, I have cleansed myself. (I said cleansed, not changed, not healed, not perfected) But, as far as I am concerned, I took the best road, fought the good fight, and can now walk away with my head held upright.

And that's why I couldn't just walk away.

Oh, how I wished I could have just got up and put miles behind me. Think of all the time and money I'd have now!

Que sera, sera.

I'll be a saint any day now!

May 25, 2005
5:27 pm
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LouWho
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Maybe not saint... the death fantasy may ax that sainthood thing. Not exactly an except from Mother Theresa's journal, was it?

May 25, 2005
5:40 pm
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hi lou, welcome, your post was funny in a way, and oooops sorry for the fall you had. Sounds like this hubby is a real jerko. My prayers are with you girl!
((camer))

May 25, 2005
8:32 pm
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Hey (((Lou))) !!

I was just wondering where you were the other day, and here you are...yikes!! You didn't say if you went to the emergency room or not, but did you? Did you break anything? I hope and pray that you're healing up by now.

Over the years I've heard and fully now believe that the test of a person's character is not their actions, it's their reactions. Your husband's true colors shone thru during your time of great need; he was thinking more about himself and what he was going to do than about the immediate help you needed. I can understand your anger, I would have felt completely disposable.

I remember you posted in the past here that you were biding your time when you were going to separate from him, perhaps the time has come.

I am not going to tell you that you are sick, your situation would make anyone think they are crazy. I applaud you for your tenacity in making it thus far, now it is time to let go.

Do you fully expect to go to hell because you are expressing your anger? I'm hearing a woman who has been beaten down so many times (mentally and verbally) that she forgets she has immeasurable worth.

Don't dance with him anymore, Lou. This situation is draining the self-respect right outta ya (though it hasn't affected your sense of humor).

You may not believe this because of what you've been living in, but we care about what happens to you and will be here thru it all (unless our computers break down).

Keep it together, girl, you're gonna make it. I'll be praying for ya!

((((HUGS)))) - (If it doesn't hurt your ribs)

CM

May 26, 2005
12:22 pm
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LouWho
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Coda Ma- good to see you again, as well. Glad to see you are still here hangin' strong.

I'm doing well, in fact I feel stronger than I have in many years. I know that the time here is not nearly as longer as it has been, I'm almost out.

The bones are all okay. Wasn't that wierd, I didn't think I was old enough to be hurt by some stupid fall, but dang! that hurt. The results were scrathces, really nasty bruises, a couple of softball sized welts, but I'm in 100% working order.

I needed the fall to remind me of how little I matter in his world. I sometimes go through these periods when I have a prisoner of war mentality--through all the efforts of hanging this household together, sometimes you think that you can actually do this forever, and that he really isn't such a bad guy. And then you have these WAKING REALITY moments which sharply remind you why you have been hanging on--just to get to the next stop!

So this was a good thing. I had originally thought that I was another year away from that point, but not at all. This has served to fast track the movement.

Good to hear from you-

May 26, 2005
1:03 pm
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Why do you want to place yourself in the category of "sick bitch" for making a bad choice? I would have to be under that category too based on my 1st marriages, but dom't want to be thought of as "sick bitch". But, thinking on it, I guess they do turn you into one as time goes by don't they.

Would you claim this as your Breaking Point? You can read mine under the thread "what was your breaking point" if you'd like.

When your mate can stand over you and not care that you are hurtng then it's time to move on. Why stay w/ someone who doesn't care if you live or die.

I do hope you got good medical attention for the ribs and that you are taking it east.

Don't be so hard on yourself. 🙂

What Was Your Breaking Point

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