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POST PARTUM DEPRESSION?? OR?
December 31, 2004
7:33 pm
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unwanted daughter
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I was wondering if anyone knows if the manifestations of untreated post-partum depression can be either ongoing or delayed whereas it appears or simply persists unnoticed even after the child has grown into an adult - or is PPD a disorder that resolves itself regardless soon after birthing?

I've been wondering - for rather a long time - though I've been shrugging it off, if my mother's Jekyll & Hyde disdain for me has ny roots in the ceasarean she had while birthing me.

I want to understand; She signed away all my inheritance to my brother, so why does this woman keep on calling me?

What haunts me; When my mother called me again the other day, the first words (again) out of her mouth were "they cut me in half to get you out" I have heard this all my life from her, and always wondered if she hated me for causing her so much pain at birth. Who blames a child for a ceasarean? But isn't this post-partum depression or some similar disorder? She has a thick, long, and nasty verticle scar up her abdomen to show for me. She's always recanted this to everyone else that would listen as well, as to how she almost died during birthing me.. and how she had lost so much blood that she describes "glasses of blood" she had to *drink* back in the late 50s to replace the lost blood. Didn't they IV it by pints then? Jeesh!

I understand she had a pretty bad birthing experience with me - unforgettable obviously, but even so, against her doctor's orders, she overate while pregnant with me, smoked while pregnant with me, and then, against her DR's advise, become pregnant again a couple of years later and gave birth quite EASYILY to my brother. No ceesarean there.

She'd remind me about the ceasarean at least three times a year, and each time she was mad at me for whatever reason.. ie; I was naughty child or bad adult daughter...

Consequently, I feel, this very experience has caused her to never like me -- to hate me actually, which caused her to physically abuse me as well.. I was the apple of my father's eye, so she couldn't say much to my father about me so perhaps the physicall abuse came out in frustration.Comparatively, my brother would get a pat on the wrist for BIG things he did wrongs but if I did the same thing wrong, I was beaten severly.

I'm trying to grasp the situation with her and perhaps understand -- for my own well being, though I may bewrong on this since I also found out something about her childhood that may ave affected how she treated me since I was a girl. Her father had left her young mother alone and destitute to raise four children, - so her brother - my mother's younger brother used to beat the living daylights out of her when he took over as the "father figure' in their European home. Perhaps how she was treated as a female -- and inspite of her seniority as being older than her brother, has something to do with how she wanted to humiliate me -- as she sees herself humiliated and mistreated by her younger brother -- as if she as a female, didn't count.

Her brother died in Europe the same year my father died. She didn't even shed a tear for him and that was when she told me he used to beat her while she was in the old country, and that was what prompted her to leave home and come to America - alone... an unusual thing for her women in her culture.

It's dawned on me that I need to understand what is going on with her.

Unwanted Daughter

December 31, 2004
7:56 pm
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eiram
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They did not give her blood to drink. She misunderstood what they gave her, an iron drink perhaps, or she is lying to try to manipulate you. The way I get it you have 2 choices, you can either imitate her, keeping her as a role model, or you can be the exact opposite of her, observing closely and daily vowing never to be like that to your own family in any way.

She is going to say that same thing to you again one day.

I recommend humor.

I think I can love people if I use the gift of humor.

Ask her if she is planning on getting pregnant again?

A 58 year old woman just had hormone therapy to reverse menopause and was implanted with an embryo from her daughter and son in-law who were unable to bear children. She gave birth to triplets. Ask your Mom if she would do this for you.

Humor is like armor.

January 1, 2005
10:58 am
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unwanted daughter
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Holy Smoke Eiram,

That's powerful stuff you're saying!
I bet I'd blow her mind if I asked her to have a child for me. Oh heck, that would kill her.... she's in her mid 80s. But she'd probably say yes, (anyting for me) and that she'd do it but never get around to it. It's always been that way with her. Always say 'yes', even if you don't intend to follow through. I guess it's her marketing position.

Humor: It always escapes me to use humour in such instances, though, as you say, it IS the best way to handle such people and such situations.

I don't think I'll be talking to my mother any time soon, though, or I would like to tell her a few things about that crap about glasses of blood she had to drink... back when I almost killed her getting born.

The more I find out, the more I don't like her as a person.

Thanks Eiram

January 1, 2005
10:58 pm
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jastypes
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Wow. I suffered from PPD. I had it for five years before being treated, and my doctor says I'll probably have to remain on anti-depressant medications through menopause. So, it is possible that your mom had PPD -- the most severe forms of which can cause a mother to murder her own child.

On the other hand, after reading your post, I think there's more going on than depression. Your mom sounds downright sadistic!

I hope you are able to detach from her abuse and learn to love yourself in spite of her.

jill

January 2, 2005
11:40 pm
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unwanted daughter
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Sadistic you say? I am SO confused tonight, I don't know what to think and what to do. I am VERY upset, and aggitaed, so much so that I took a sedative hours ago and I'm still up with eyes open stark.

She's 84 or around that. She's an old lady who scores sympathy from everyone because of her age and outwardly demeanor, so people tend to believe whatever she tells them about me. After all, what little old lady would lie?

So far, she accused me of stealing money from her house (2001), then a year later, her pearls (2003), and now, she called me twice... the first time (Thursday) I hung up on her when she uttered that she missed me, and the second time she called (today)she accused me of going into her house two Sundays ago and stealing my deceased father's Rolex watch.. (nothing else).

I tried to block her phone number but the system says this number she's calling from can't be blocked. So, now, I have to change my number! I do NOT know what she's up to, perhaps she's trying to curse my new year!

January 3, 2005
2:55 am
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opal
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I've had two caesarians, my daughter was born five weeks early due to severe pre-eclampsia, my son three weeks early due to severe oedema, though it was not how I had thought it would be, I never once blamed my children for what I went through, if anything I thought I had failed them, by not being able to carry them longer.
however, many women do suffer post partum depression after a caesarian, especialy if it was an emergency and it felt compeltely out of their control, sometimes they can't see their baby as being a part of them, and they start to distance themselves from the baby, but every woman is different and can suffer many variations of depression.

my sister in law who had her baby five weeks after I had my first baby suffered badly, and she still is on anti-depressants, over two years later.

I think your mother is suffering from something more, something so deep, that she feels being mean to people is a sign of strength for her, and it is so very sad that she is hurting you like this.

try to ignore her coments, she must feel so sorry for herself that she will tell people lies, just so she gets the sympathy she feels she needs, not to say her life has not been hard, but to be so mean to her own child is really horrible.

like Eiram wrote, aim to be everything is isn't and you can't go wrong, and don't ever blame yourself for the way your mother feels, you are not a fault in any possible way.

January 3, 2005
2:58 am
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opal
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made an error, aim to be everything SHE isn't

January 3, 2005
12:44 pm
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unwanted daughter
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Thanks Opal,

So, from what you all say, it doesn't seem to e PPD for my mother -- after all these years, but something more.
I just can't grasp why I have become the object of her hate. Everyting I say and do...no matter what -- is immediately discounted while my brother is her "good boy".

Last night, at the coaxing of a well-meaning girlfriend, I called my mother while I had the friend on hold.
My friend's logic is that perhaps she is reaching iut (in the only way she knows how) for help... that she calling me may be an S.O.S sign. My brother answered the phone and I just said, is 'Mrs. Surname' there? I heard him say to my mother, "It's your daughter". She came quickly to the phone, with a happy and resounding "Oh, Sweetheart,...".
So, I said, I'm calling to reiterate that I didn't take your watch. And I want to ask you what is the value you put on this fake watch when you deprived me of my inheritance...?
Her reply was "well, you left home".

I blew up at her logic! She was saying what my brother always told me... that I had no right to anything because I left home. For heaven's sake! I'm 49 years old, twice married, four yrs of college, working since I was 17, -- I had a life.
My brother never left home. But that seems to be THEIR excuse - and reasoning why he's entitled to his inheritance and I'm NOT!

Like I said, I blew up, and I think my brother was monitoring the call because before I knew it, I was yelling hysterically in the phone and my girlfriend was saying, "hey calm down, it's me, Mary". I guess when they hung up, the call waiting automatically switched me back to my girlfriend, who was on hold.

I don't know if my mother hung on me, -- not sure now, since SHE'S been going out of her way calling ME lately.. or it could have been my brother taking the phone out of her hand. Now, as in the past, he'll change this phone number.

It was because of my brother's obvious maneuvers to hamper contact between me and my mother, that I thought-- maybe still think -- she is somehow crying out for help. WHy the heck else is she calling me?

Or is it that I am such a stupid, naive, idiot that I'm subconsiously looking for another kick in the ass?

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