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Poll: What do you think about this?
July 19, 2007
3:26 pm
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truthBtold
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WHAT IF........there were a place that you could go to.....kind of like the little private rooms you find at a tanning salon - only the rooms were sound-proofed and you had these implements where you could just let out a lot of anger!!!!!!!

Maybe a baseball bat and a punching bag in the shape of a person? I dunno - I am thinking out loud here.

If such a place existed - what would you like to find in these rooms?

I think that there is a real market for something like this. "Anger Depot" or something..............

What do you think?

July 19, 2007
3:33 pm
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Loralei
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truthB,

I read somewhere on the net that physically acting out, using punching bags, etc to let out your anger, doesn't help. In fact, they said it added fuel to the fire, so to speak. Whereas removing yourself from an angry situation, counting to ten, going to another room to cool down... that these methods had a calming affect and helped to diffuse that anger.

July 19, 2007
3:39 pm
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truthBtold
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Loralei,

Thanks for your response - but I beg to differ.

I have used some of these methods and it has helped me tremendously.

Anger simply MUST be expressed in some way shape or form.

But thanks for your input.

July 19, 2007
6:43 pm
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StronginHim77
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One of my sons has serious anger issues. What works best for him? He gets quiet and prays. That is a tremendous release for him, emotionally. He has worked with a psychologist and this was what they found seemed most effective for him.

He did the "wall-punching, phone-slamming, door-kicking" stuff for years and it only made him feel more out of control and (as he shared with me later) deeply ashamed of himself. And he feared forming any close relationship with a girl because he was afraid his temper would manifest and she would dump him in a heartbeat.

So, a peaceful, self-directed approach seems to have benefited him the most, both in terms of his feelings and in how he feels about himself (which I think is very important, too).

July 19, 2007
6:46 pm
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StronginHim77
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P.S. Isolating himself from people, until he calmed down and could work through his anger, also helped him. Any external stimulation just made it worse. And he tries to avoid triggering his anger: people, activities and situations which leave him feeling frustrated and fearful. He found that alot of his anger was fear...in disguise as anger. Pretty interesting. I had never understood that about anger. Most anger is fear/shame-based. Push the fear/shame trigger and anger comes forth.

Guess we all have much to learn about this topic. Glad you brought it forth, Truth. It's a very serious and important subject for most of us.

July 19, 2007
7:11 pm
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Rasputin
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I think that would be great. However there are so many means and ways where we can vent our anger. Have you ever thought about punching bags, pillows, swimming pools. That's what my social worker told me once when I had an anger problem and it worked out perfectly well.

July 19, 2007
7:37 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I want a padded room, with a punching bag, and I want a closet where I can throw glass objects, I want pictures of the people that have hurt me so that I can just get this anger out. I don't want it to destroy me any more. I want to punch things, throw things, kick things, scream, swear, sweat, cry, and anything else that I feel the deep need to do.

And I agree that it helps. I have been told to try this by more than one therapist in my life. Hence, we have a punching bag hanging right in our living room. My h bought it last year for me...and hung it from the ceiling in the kids living room. It helps, a lot. I don't feel like I am out of control, I feel like I am releasing feelings that I need to get out. And I DO believe that it helps.

July 19, 2007
8:29 pm
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fantas
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I am nor sure whether this happens in Japan or China but there are rooms full of beautiful porcelain vases all nicely arranged and for a fee you can smash off your frustrations from work and anywhere else. I believe most people stop there on their way home from work... I have to admit there is something appealing about smashing vases to my little hearts content... 🙂

July 19, 2007
8:46 pm
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Mild
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Well, let me just say that my bed room has holes in it, I've thrown some chairs lol and pots and pans, even chicken across the room. Then I scream some more at my alcoholic retarded mother and cry in my pillows,.... then I'm fine and I could care less about my walls the chicken or the chair, because she deserved to see how she makes me feel about you addiction!

July 19, 2007
9:11 pm
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bevdee
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Live chickens?

July 19, 2007
10:04 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Now, that could be a LOT of fun...I am all for that. I just thought of what I would do to those live chickens...and what scares me, is I think that I would have NO hard feelings about it at all....is that sick or what?

July 19, 2007
11:14 pm
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Isis
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I'm all for it TBT- I think you're onto something. We have a punching bag and a speed bag in our home and believe you me they've been put to good use.

I'm also a fan of throwing glasses, dishes, etc... just not in front of the kids. That was a thing I did early in my marriage. Some thing my dad recommended, instead of throwing phones and the clicker to the TV. He always contended that electronics were expensive and harder to replace.

Skimming rocks on a pond or at the beach helps too.

July 19, 2007
11:23 pm
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Mild
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no, not live chicken, more like bbq chicken breasts! lol

I think I like just breaking things when I'm mad, it releases the presurein my body!

July 19, 2007
11:28 pm
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Isis
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What about all of the holes in the wall? That would make me crazy.

You should try throwing glasses and dishes. Cleaning up after it's over is very cathartic.

July 20, 2007
11:05 am
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glittered when he walked
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Seems to me that it would work for those folks who need options for venting.

I used to hit things in the house when infuriated - Later, I was ashamed and got tired of fixing holes or doors, and having injured my hands. plus, if my kids were around they'd be frightened which was bad for them..it made them fear me. As a man, i have the responsibility of not losing my temper to the point of physical destruction of objects in the home..because it scares the hell out of everyone else in the house...it intimidates them. I mean, if a man is going beserk and smashing stuff...how do you feel as witness?..especially if you are a child or a woman and you have the concern that if he gets rolling, there is no stopping him by yourself? naturally, you are concerned, what if he turns on me? and while I'd never strike my family, was that the message they were getting? No, they mighn't have been concerned I would strike them, but they may have been concerned...at the very least they'd either be scared or disgusted. If the ex would act out physically, it never really scared me as she didn't go for weapons and she couldn't really hurt me physically enough for me to be scared. Really it just made me sad...if she shoved me or hit me, I'd tell her to stop and walk away.

So, I did my best to stop doing that kind of childish behavior. i started working on some more healthy responses to intense anger.

I do a deep exhale..do a ten count..remove my self from the situation...that helped. If the anger rose too quickly I found that if i quickly scrambled to the weights and blasted out some furious sets I'd feel better without having broken anything or doing something that Id later be ashamed of. Plus, i'd get a pretty good quick workout. Now i find that if I do get angry and have an impulse to hit a wall I immediately think "I'll regret that, simmer down or find another outlet." but it does bear mentioning the obvious that now that I'm not with her and her relentless badgering i don't experience that kind of anger. I can't recall the last time I had to manage fury it's been so long. i suppose that is something to be thankful for.

July 20, 2007
11:34 am
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Loralei
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I think angry outbursts that result in punching walls or throwing dishes is extremely immature. Doing it in front of children is beyond horrible. If my spouse or boyfriend pulled that kind of stunt, no matter what the "cause", I would walk out and never return. I would lose all respect for them.

July 20, 2007
12:57 pm
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Isis
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You know Loralei- you're entitled to your opinion. However, who are you to tell people that their way of coping with anger is extremely immature?

What works for you may not work for others.

For what it's worth, I never threw dishes or glasses in front of anyone. I did it in the privacy of my own property, outside up against a brick chimney. And you know what else? It was a helluva lot better than throwing them at my husbands head- IMHO.

The taking a deep breath and counting to ten thing may work for some. However, back then, when I was three months pregnant and I had just found out that my husband had cheated on me-well, I just needed more than a deep breath and a ten count.

You get where I'm coming from Loralei?

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take a deep breath and count to 100.

July 20, 2007
1:11 pm
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Loralei
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I was just stating my opinion. What you do is up to you. However, some of you might want know that there are people out there who would be very put off if you were to lose control of your temper in that fashion. I was just stating what I would do and my opinion.

July 20, 2007
2:56 pm
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glittered when he walked
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Loralei,

well yeah, it is immature but what it really is is unhealthy IMO. Which is why I don't do it anymore.

and it certainly it is your choice to walk out and never return. I can see how it's good to call that behavior unacceptable.

However, I am of the opinion that if someone did it, admitted it was wrong, and took steps to eliminate that behavior it, I'd be inclined to not be so unforgiving as to write them off for all eternity.

July 20, 2007
3:05 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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How can you tell me that what SEVERAL therapists say is a GOOD way of venting anger is wrong? Who are you to judge that? Nobody is saying that a deep breath and counting to ten is wrong for you, BUT...if it doesn't work for me...then I will find something else to do.

And immature?? Is that kinda like someone who isn't qualified to make a judgement call on what is or isn't right for MY anger? Seriously, I think that as adults..it is time to realize that what works for you may not be right for everyone. Are we back in high school or what? If I cut my sandwhich from corner to corner, and you cut yours right down the middle, which one of us is right?

To be in a secure place ALONE...venting my anger any way I need to do so...that is NOT your place to judge me. It isn't your place to judge me period if you want to get real technical about it. I deal with things one way..you deal with them another...SO WHAT.

July 20, 2007
3:12 pm
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glittered when he walked
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Scared,

When i said immature...I meant it was immature of me of what i had described what i was doing, not you or anyone else. Just clarifying.

July 20, 2007
3:15 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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And Isis...the more I count the more, pissed I get...

Don't count to a hundred...just throw something...:o)

(((Isis)))

July 20, 2007
3:30 pm
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Loralei
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glittered,

I'm afraid if I witnessed that kind of behavior, that it would change my feelings about someone. It's one thing to punch pillows or slam a door. It's quite another to put a fist through a wall or fling the china. When anger becomes destructive, I'd say that's a huge red flag.

When a 2 yr old throws a tantrum, crying at the top of his lungs, flailing his arms and legs, pounding the floor... that is acceptable because we know he is only 2. But how would we react if he started destroying property? Breaking your expensive electronics or crystal? I don't know about anyone else, but I would find this highly unacceptable even from a 2 year old and I would be wondering what he would grow up to be at that rate. I would certainly expect an adult to be more in control than that.

If you are all by yourself, if you want to destroy your own property, have at it. But if anyone else is around, that kind of behavior is very threatening whether or not the objects are aimed at the other party or not. It is "demonstrating" what you'd like to do to the person you are angry with. I see no difference in that and telling that person that you'd like to smash them into pieces and that's called verbal abuse or worse.

Not being able to control your anger is what makes spouse batterers and we know how serious that is. So if someone is so out of control that they put a fist through the wall, are they going to be able to stay in control enough not to put a fist through you? Threatening behavior is just that.

I think your exersizing vigorously is a great idea. It is nonthreatening and you let off steam. If hitting a punching bag helps, that's acceptable too. But destroying property is an entirely different matter.

July 20, 2007
3:52 pm
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Anonymous
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I guess "acting out" our anger is good if it doenst involve anyone. I hear its not good to "act on" our anger, that is, to think and make judgments *based* on our anger. These are two different things. So thumbs up for the anger depot, after all, arent there already yelling quarters in some treatment places?!

July 20, 2007
4:00 pm
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DanoPud
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I have heard or read somewhere that when we try to release our anger through the means that you have described, it not only doesn't get rid of the anger, it actually helps to reinforce it and make it stronger.

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