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pls tell me what's wrong
September 3, 2001
4:31 am
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Jasmine
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Hi,
It's more than a month after I started with Dicky. But somehow, I feel myself strange. There are a lot of things/occasion that I know I should feel happy, but I don't know why I feel nothing. I have no response, neither happy or sad. Just numb. I know that I wouldn't have the same feeling as I had with Howard (my ex). but at least I should be happy, but why do I feel nothing? It's like the heart 'died', no more feeling. I don't want to act like a robot with dicky. I want to be a happy couple like every others. I should be happy, right? why would this happen?

Sometimes, I feel that it's not real, like it's in a dream. He is so good to me. Why there isn't a bit of response from my heart? I am frustrated. When he sometimes mention about Howard, my heart still shock. But I dont' feel anything with Dicky. Am I pushing myself to hard? I someitmes ask myself. I want to forget everything about Howard. He could forget about me so easily, why can't I do the same?

I feel we started difficultly. I don't want to move a wrong step with Dicky, and ruin our relationship. I hope things go smoothly. But what happen to me? I don't understand! What can I do?

September 3, 2001
1:09 pm
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ranmar1
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How long has it been since you ended you last relationship, and in fact, have you really ended it in your mind?
Do you hold out hope or reconciling?
Are you just not ready to accept this new relationship? These are all valid questions to ask yourself. Maybe you purposely have put up the armour around your heart, so you don't get hurt again........What do you think?
Randy

September 3, 2001
5:38 pm
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Molly
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We can't compare, its human and we do, but its a set up for feeling like this. Ranmar asks a good question, how long since the break up?

September 3, 2001
8:51 pm
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Alena
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Well, Jasmine, I don't understand what relationship with Dickey you don't want to ruin? You say more than once that you don't feel anything for him. I do think you are trying to replace your ex, whom you still care for. It's so hard when we lose someone we love in a relationship. But forcing another relationship isn't the answer. As of matter of fact, I think it just makes it worse because you think because you don't find happiness with this man, you won't find it with anyone and that's just not true. It just may be true with Dickey. Not everyone we meet and date turn out to be somebody we love. Maybe he treats you nicely, is good to you, but if you don't feel it, then he should just be a friend perhaps. Ya know? Don't be disappointed in yourself over this relationship too, you're already trying to get over one man, just let this one coast and if you do feel something, fine, if not, move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea Jasmine. 🙂 Give yourself a chance to stand on your own two feet without your ex, then you won't be so eager to lean on just anyone and mistake it for love, ya know?

September 6, 2001
4:35 am
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Jasmine
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so I shouldn't see him for the time being???? I'm confused with the feeling I have towards him.

September 6, 2001
8:34 am
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Alena
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You sound very vulnerable and I'm wondering with Molly and Ranmar just how long it's been since your breakup with your ex...? See Dickey if you want, just don't push yourself to feel something you don't feel. I'm thinking that you are depressed and depression can "numb" our feelings, and you need time, maybe even therapy/medications to help get over your loss of Howard. But as far as Dickey is concerned, I would be honest with him about your lack of feelings for him at this point. YOu don't have to go into any of your feelings for Howard, just an explanation of how you want to take it slow and develop a friendship before you move ahead and call it anything close to love....ya know? Once you start using Howard as an excuse to Dickey for your lack of feelings for him, you open up a whole new can of worms for Dickey to use, and once you do it's impossible to close it up. My advice to you is give yourself time to heal, don't rush into anything with anyone.....if you try to commit to Dickey when you don't really feel it, you'll have a whole new problem to deal with down the road. Good luck!

September 8, 2001
2:44 am
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Jasmine
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it's a long time. Howard left me for more than a year now. Is there any connection with "now"? I don't know. I sometimes feel numb for everything. I tried to push myself to do sth. I mean, I think I can't continue to be numb towards everything. I should live up my life, right? I thought I should do sth positive to myself. But suddenly, I would lose all my interest to do these and became very miserable. This is bad. very bad. I am scared. I am scared that I could do these things anymore. What can I do?

September 8, 2001
12:38 pm
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gingerleigh
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I've heard people say that it takes a good two years to get over a divorce. It's OK not to "feel anything" yet. Just don't push yourself into something that you don't want deep down. Feelings change, and maybe this will grow into something more for you, maybe it won't. What worries me is that you seem so flabbergasted that this man is so good to you. Why shouldn't he be? You deserve to be treated with respect.

You mentioned that you should do something positive for yourself. Absolutely! Do something that makes you feel good about yourself. It can be any number of things, just setting a goal and reaching it. I personally have problems just generating a list of stuff I would like to do, I like picking from suggestions, so here are a few, some off the wall, some cheap, some not, some solitary, some more fun with friends...

(1) get in shape and join a gym (2) learn to play a musical instrument and join a band (3) take an art class (4) go hiking/rock climbing (5) become an expert on something technical, fixing cars, TVs, computers (6) become an expert on a period in history that interests you (7) plan a vacation by yourself (8) learn to cook gourmet meals (9) go to a flea market (10) drive around and see open houses (11) go sky diving (12) take a wood working or glass blowing class (13) learn to juggle (14) arrange your home according to the ancient principles of feng shui (15) volunteer at the local kids club (Ronald McDonald House?) (16) train to run a marathon or a 5K (17) play with the younger kids in your family and teach them how to do something cool, like make bracelets or draw a cartoon character or that magic trick where you make it look like you are splitting your index finger in half with your thumb (18) read through these posts and see if you can support someone else who might be having problems with something you have already overcome (19) go through your closet and throw all clothing you haven't worn in two years into a box and give to goodwill (20) call up a friend you haven't seen in a long time and see if you can meet her or even plan a trip to see her if she lives far away.

Sure, you will lose interest in stuff because PEOPLE CHANGE and GROW and MATURE, and so do you. You'll start to feel better as you try different things, and suddenly something will ignite a spark of passion in you. Once that passion starts up again, whether it is for music or sports or knowledge, the passion will spread to other areas of your life too. Just be patient with yourself. *smile*

September 11, 2001
4:44 am
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Jasmine
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yeah. Maybe you're right.
I just need to do sth new........

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