Pleaser
I know what you mean about being drawn to the sight. I drop by when things are really tough, since I can be somewhat anonymous here is a safe place for me to express what's going on.
B would never admit to having a drinking problem. But each of her life's problems always involved alcohol. When we met alcohol was consumed all of the time. We stopped for the past couple of years, and I continue to remain sober. I have no idea whether she is drinking again. But her 'business parner' drinks.
Knowing that B is a follower and a pleaser it would not surprise me if she is drinking again.
After much consternation I called her last night. I so dearly wanted to hear her voice. We have spoken only twice in the past month and I do not want her to get the idea that I am going to abandon her.
I know that she has already left. But she does things like buy me cowboy boots as a trip present and emails and txt messages me frequently. but beyond that she says that she is otherwise tired and busy.
She looks for things to occupy herself. B is like a butterfly who hops from plant to plant dropping her sweet nectar never realizing that she is landing on plants that will take whatever she will give and want more.
I am one of those people. I just can't get enough love from her. Thankfully I am growing and prayerfully the Lord will remove this from me and I will get this type of love from him.
Yet part of me is having a difficult time letting go of her and getting that need fulfilled rightly. And I worry that B will continue to travel around the vicious circles and never see the light.
I know that I can't conrtol that either, and I have no idea how to trust God and let go of my worries. B has been trough so much needless pain in her life, of her own making, and she just will not stop and turn to the Lord.