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Please someone help me
April 21, 2005
10:40 am
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tarad
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On Friday my boyfriend/father of my children , we have been together since I was 17, I will be 30 this year beat me up and left me in the inner city w/ our 2 kids ages 4 and 8. I called a cab to take me to a hotel so things could cool down. The next day I found out that he had gone home and drank a bottle of pine-sol to kill himself. He is still living and he is in ICU. I got a restraining order against him, but his is still calling. Saying that I am not faithful after all these years we put into the relationship. My mom got me an apartment, but i feel bad about moving. Not only do I feel bad about leaving him for some strange reason, but I feel bad that I am moving my kids and putting them through all this turmoil. Please someone help me to do the right thing. I feel like I should just stay at the house and maybe try to work it out...or hope that maybe he wont do anything if he tries to come back. I dont know what to do.

April 21, 2005
10:51 am
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mamacinnamon
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Tarad:

First, I am glad you are here.

May I ask... Has he hit you before?

If he has then I want to say to you to get out now while you can.

If he has not hit you before... you might go to the ICU and ask his doctor if he will get your boyfriend a physchlogical evaluation. Let them know what he has done to you also. He is in dire need of counseling.

I almost think it would be a good idea to take your mom up on that apartment until ya'll get some marital counseling. Till there is some type stability in your relationship.

Of course, these decisions are all ones you will have to make because I can only go on what you said above and you know your situation. But, I want to give you a word of caution. There are some major issues here.

Please think of you and your children before his feelings. Yes, you may love him, but if he's gonna next time do worse, think first please. Take it from one who's been there.

Please do keep coming and posting. We can be a sancuary of sanity here.

April 21, 2005
10:55 am
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Randomwomen2
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hun you already know what the right thing to do is. If you dont leave him you are putting your kids in danger. you have to get in a diffrent home for your childrens sake. If he would hurt you what makes you think that he wouldnt hurt them. And it is not your fault that he drank pine sol that was his choice to make dont let him blame you. I know you already know everything that i just typed but somethimes we just need a little reinforcement. nGood luck sweetie and keep your chin up and remember it is not your fault.
God bless

April 21, 2005
10:55 am
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tarad
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Yes, there has been alot of abuse in the past. But for the last 2 years..nothing. Then the last month or so has been hell. I want to leave, and when he is around, I just pray that maybe one day I would be able to escape, but now that I have the chance, I am just so scared. I dont know how to overcome the fear that this is causing me. I also feel bad about how he is going to survive. I know that I probably should leave.....but how do I find the courage to actually do it?

April 21, 2005
11:12 am
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CAMER
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hi Tarad, you know you have to leave, maybe you are afraid of the "unknown" and maybe missing the good parts of him. But think of the pain / physical and mental he has put you thru. Now is the time to take care of you and your kids. Take that step and walk away. He needs alot of help, and for him to drink the pine sol, was most likely for you to "feel bad" for him, then he has YOU back. Don't let him do this to you, you don't need someone to beat you up. You are worth more than that. Things may be scary moving and not being with him, but just take it one step at a time...and keep posting here, we are here to support you!!!
(((camer)))

April 21, 2005
11:22 am
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mamacinnamon
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Tarad:

You prayed one day you would have the chance to escape. TAKE IT NOW!

His survival is not your concern. He didn't care about your survival. I know it's scary. I know it's unknown. I know if he lives he'll want you back and if you don't go back he'll cause you trouble. I know, I've been there. You also know that and I think that is probably what is driving your fear. Is it? If you are there you already know what to expect. If you go on it is all unknown.

Let me say... the unknown is much better than the normal. Scary, oh yes, danged scary. But well worth it in the end. Just the difference you will see in your kids will be all worth it.

Do you know that if you stayed your kids will either most likely grow up to be the abuser or the abused? I think you do. Is that what you want for them?

I have faith in you. You need support, you come here. You can do this. It's gonna be ok. Thank God you have a mom that can and will help. I have seen so many whose parents refused to help them at all.

Thank God you have the chance you have been praying for and take it.

April 21, 2005
3:34 pm
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ballinMo23
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do u no his reasoning for this?u said he thought u were unfaithful, but did u do something for him to think that?my heart goes out 2 u, if u reply i can maybe help u with this but i dont know enough yet.hugz xox-mo

April 21, 2005
4:03 pm
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jamaicanwife
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Mo23, it doesn't matter what his reasons were. tarad did not do anything to cause his actions. He is abusive, and if she starts to justify his behaviour by saying that somehow she is to blame, that she could have somehow prevented him from abusing her, then the cycle of madness will just go on and on forever. tarad, my mother stayed with my father until I was 18 years old. I am now 35 years old, on prozac and in counselling so that I can learn to trust my husband who has never hit me. My sister has just been fired AGAIN and can't seem to sustain any sort of reasonable mature relationship. another sister seems to be doing great, but she is so completely tied up in her own family and the superficial trappings of her life that she is completely out of touch with her family. The only one of my siblings who is really ok is my youngest sister, who was 5 years old when our parents divorced.

She didn't grow up in the bizarre reality that we were forced to accept, and the very normality of her life and relationships leaves the rest of us confused, unable to relate to her at times. If you have any young children, you need to get them out of this situation and get them some counselling so they can have a chance at a normal happy life. Do it for your children.

April 21, 2005
5:32 pm
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tarad
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When I said faithful. I think I misued the word. I have never been unfaithful in the relationship. I was meaning to say that he told me that I am not bein faithful (loyal was what I ment to say) to him while he is in the hospital. I should be at his bedside like a faithful woman praying for him to get better or something like that. I dont know. I dont understand this. He doesn't even feel bad for busting my lip open and having myself and my kids go through this. Thanks guys for all of your comments. It helps...

April 21, 2005
6:48 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Tarad:

He doesn't even feel bad for bustin your lip or for what he put you and the kids thru.

HONEY, GET OUT, NOW. He has no remorse. He doesn't care.

PLEASE protect yourself. Protect your kids. Take your mom up on her help.

NOW!!!

April 21, 2005
11:58 pm
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kmqueen
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It sounds like he felt bad when he hit you and to take the negative attention off of him, he made a very desperate attempt. how could you feel bad for yourself when he is in the hospital??? i think that is what he wants you to think... he did this so you will focus on him and not that he did something bad to you...

April 26, 2005
2:04 pm
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shyshy
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He sounds like the narcissist who will pass the blame on to the abused so as to not feel the shame.

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