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PLEASE SOMEBODY RESOND I NEED HELP!....HURTS SO BAD
January 25, 2005
11:03 pm
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Hurts_so_bad
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Please somebody give me some words of comfort. Read my thread "Anyone availalbe to give a reality check?....

I'm feeling so down right now.......

January 25, 2005
11:17 pm
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slowbutsurerecovery
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the pain does go away with time. i broke the co-dependency cycle in my family. my childern are fortunate to live a life that is for the most part not co-dependent. they recognize the symptoms and fight them and change their behavior. i have been an extremely sick co-depentent with my youngst child. she has a lot of problems and i tried to fix her.talk about pain she worked me over good. remember to not take on other peoples problems,focus on you and what a wonderful person you are. make a list of all the positive things about you and detach. have you read melanie beaty's (my spelling is poor) beyond codependcy. that book described my life to a t. the book helped me enormously.good luck and remember you are special in your on right and be true to yourself.

January 25, 2005
11:22 pm
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sdesigns
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Hi Hurts: I read your other threads and...this guy has been stringing you along for a long time and you've let him. He hasn't really given you anything to hang all of this hope on but you've hung in there- wondering, questioning, etc. I think his evasiveness tonight is your final answer- how much more rejection are you willing to take from this guy? You told him before taking your power back but you keep giving it back to him. By doing that you show him you don't believe in yourself. I'm sorry to be harsh but you're beating a dead horse and he is stringing you along just in case this new one doesn't work out, you're plan B. Second string. Are willing to be that for him? Would you respect yourself in that role? Now...pick yourself, dust yourself off, take some very huge breaths, and let this guy go. I know its sad, I know its hard, but why put your life in a holding pattern for someone who's going to let you do just that. Life's way too short to wait for others to live theirs while you sit in the wings. My thoughts are with you. SD

January 25, 2005
11:30 pm
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Hurts_so_bad
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sdesigns:

Thank you for your response. I don't want to be second choice. I deserve better. And I guess he was stringing me along and because I'm in love with him, I kept hoping things would change. But tonite was really hurtful to me. And I think he really had no clue how much he was hurting telling me he's not sure if he will visit.

I'm so humiliated. Does anyone on here think that I should write him and tell him off just so I can get it off my chest? Or should I just not respond if he ever decides to write again?

It doesn't feel right to just let him off this easy without telling him what he has done.

January 25, 2005
11:33 pm
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Hurts_so_bad
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slowbutsurerecovery,

Thank you for your response. I have read the book "co-dependent no more". It is helpful. But I need to get over the pain and rejection that I'm feeling right now. My emotions are totally raw right now.

January 25, 2005
11:37 pm
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sdesigns
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But haven't you already told him? What would be the point now? I think cold hard silence would be message enough. I especially wouldn't do anything tonight or even tomorrow. Let yourself blow off some steam. Something that works for me is to write in a journal- and about now I would be letting it fly! Don't hold anything back- but do not send this as a letter to him. Write how he has hurt you, how angry you are, etc. I think if you had a tantrum he would care less. I mean what would change for him- nothing. Like I've said to you before when you told him you had your power back- now mean it. Show him that you respect yourself. Do not initiate any calls. I know you had high expectations for tonight but its not something he is going to delve into. Just think about him saying things you don't want to hear- why call and have to hear that? If he had something ggod to tell you, he'd be the pursuing you. And thats not the way it is. I'm so sorry. Been there. SD

January 25, 2005
11:42 pm
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Hurts_so_bad
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sdesigns,

Funny you should mention journaling. I actually wrote at least 4 pages before he even called. Guess my instincts were telling me this call wasn't going to be good.

You're right about making contact. It wouldn't do any good. I know he wouldn't respond and then I'd rip open my wound again.

I need to toughen up and keep remembering how much this last call hurt me. I don't ever want to feel this way again. I'm going to try with everything I have in me NOT to write him ever again. You guys might see a lot of venting on here from me....but I hope everyone will understand how hard this is going to be for me.

January 25, 2005
11:42 pm
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Phalic_Liberator
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Man, it has got to suck to be you right now. You have one of us trying to sell you on codependency (doesn't exist), another one saying it's your fault for letting the guy string you along, and a massive suckfest of the heart and you just want it to go away. I'm sorry, buddy.

SD is right about taking a stand and deciding and acting on that decision. Don't just let him go. Burn him in efigy. Scream, even if it is only into the air, "I am not going to let you ruin any more of my life you cock sucker!!!"

Get out. Even if you have to force yourself to go to a coffee shop and be around others, even if you don't talk to them, it is far, far better than being by yourself.

The last thing you should do is isolate. Don't do it. Make friends. Take an interest in them. You have a hole in your heart and now you've got to fill it and the way to do that is by participating in life and contributing what you can.

Ask the people around you for help and then ask them if there's anything you can help them with. It seems rediculous but it's how I've stayed sober. It's what keeps me happy.

January 25, 2005
11:46 pm
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Hurts_so_bad
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Phalic,

Thanks for your input. And you're right - it does suck big time right now to be me.

He is a cock sucker and I hate him right now. I want to hurt him the way he has hurt me. But I know I couldn't possibly hurt him that way, because he would have to care about me which he obviously doesn't.

I appreciate a man's point of view and thanks for being so candid. I just don't understand what happened to him....he used to be so friggin nice. Or maybe I just didn't know him that well and only thought I did.

January 25, 2005
11:57 pm
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sdesigns
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Well I guess I'm more timid than PL- so write to the "cocksucker" (in your journal)and tell him how dare he treat you like this/ How dare he let someone as great as you pass him by? What a f.....g loser he is for not grabbing you when he had the chance. Get mad, get angry- at him and not you. Maybe you thought better of him than he deserved. Its amazing what you can learn about a person after its over. Once the "guise" of love is gone, things tend to look different. Don't get depressed, OK? I know its going to take a lot of venting to try and get past this and this board is for just that. We all have our moments when we need help so don't hesitate. Come here instead of calling him. SD

January 26, 2005
12:05 am
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Hurts_so_bad
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sdesigns:

Thanks for your support. I think my tears have dried up at least for tonite. My eyes are going to look puffy as hell tomorrow at work...but oh well.

It's going to be hard to resist sending him a note telling him what a jerk he is......but I know it wouldn't do any good. So I won't. What goes around comes around....and I hope when it's his turn - it'll really hurt him. /

January 26, 2005
12:39 am
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Phalic_Liberator
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Don't blame yourself. You're a good woman and you're going to pull through this. Believe it or not, I can see you're getting better, because of what I've been reading from you recently. Good job!

January 26, 2005
10:10 am
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Hurts_so_bad
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Thanks Phalic - I'm going to give it my best shot and hopefully with the encouragement from everyone here, it'll happen for me. 🙂

January 26, 2005
6:16 pm
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