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PLEASE READ & RESPOND*
December 24, 2003
11:11 pm
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slr
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Please read and respond to the title "newcomer needs help"... I have not had any response to it, and I really need some answers and advice..Thanks to all of you who will take the time to help...

December 26, 2003
8:51 pm
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mlp
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Would like to help if I can, but you didn't seem to want to put your problem down.

December 27, 2003
12:16 am
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slr
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Sorry, let me explain..I posted for the first time under the thread "Newcomer needs help" ..it's on the main list, and I did not get much feed back at first, so I then posted this asking people to please read and respond..if you don't see it on the list, let me know, and I'll give you a condensed version of my crazy situation..Thanks so much!

December 27, 2003
2:43 pm
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mlp
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Thank you for your reply. I went to the other thread and it took me a long time to read all the responses you have gotten. I think you have gotten alot of good advise on what you should do, but didn't hear alot about what you would like to do. You see all the advise in world doesn't help unless you know what you would like to do. You asked about codependencey at the begining of you quest for help. There is alot of information out there to help you figure out what that is but I believe that the moment we meet someone and begin to have feelings for that person the codependencey begins. We become co-dependent on each other. However it does sound like you do seem to have yourself in a little bit of a pickle with this man.
My wife and I have been married for fourteen years and we have three children. It has come to our attention that we have been co-dependent upon each other for many years and that we control each other in many asspects of our lives. I am not saying this is right, we are both seeing a counselor to correct many of the things in our lives that require someone elses outside opinion. My wife and I have a tendency to verbally abuse each other and sometimes this happens in front of the children this is not good as you might as understand but it does happen. We get angry with each other and we fight, sometimes I slam things and bang on things. This has a lasting effect on my wife and she tells me that she gets scared when I do this. She knows that I would never touch her in anger and that I would more than likely hurt myself before I ever touch her. I don't think I could ever forgive myself if I ever touched her in anger.
I think the point I was trying to make was sort of made at the begining of my response and though the stories and advise that have been given to you through this web site are more of a tool for you to use figure out what you would like to do. Everyone could tell you to leave your husband because because it is easy to sit on the other side and say that but only you can be there and decide to do it. What is the saying < easier said than done > . If you wish to work this out then you must have his full attention and make him understand that this can not be done by you and you alone. It does take two to make a marriage work and if he not willing to make work then you can't make it work on your own. If you love him and he loves you please make sure he understands that things need to change on his prepective of what your marriage is to be like or he will lose you. Explaining things to him in the sense that he can understand will take you a long way when it comes to rebuilding your marriage. That is if that is what you want. Good luck and keep in touch with the thread.

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