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Please pray for me...
January 16, 2005
8:48 pm
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dustygirl
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my b/f is on his way over and we have been fighting all weekend. He's just really having allot of confusion about his wife and whether he should go back (he won't admit that) but he's been text messaging her constantly saying things that he wishes he could have said when they were married. He says he's doing it for him because he was so afraid in the past of being rejected - but I really feel that he sees that she's become a much stronger liberated woman than she use to be and he's attracted to that.

I have become this needy codependent woman who is so afraid of lostinghim so I have completely lost myself in him. I know tonight that I need to tell him that we should stop seeing each other until he figures out what he really wants and I need to learn to be alone.

I just don't know if I am ready. My self esteem is in the gutter because of this relationship but sometimes I think it's better than having no relationship at all.

I walked down to the beach tonight and so all the couples and just lost it as I want that so bad, but fear it will never happen to me again.

Please pray that God gives me the strenght to let go tonight and stick to it. I just know I will call him tomororw. Do I just slowly back away and beome that strong independent woman he finds so attractive and by the time I get there I won't need him? I jjust don't know what to do.

January 16, 2005
9:31 pm
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sunny64
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Oh, dustygirl, I will pray for you. That you find peace and strength.

And alone is not a bad place to be, I did it for many years and loved it. The turmoil in my life has always come from trying to be with people who are not available for me.

You deserve the best.

January 16, 2005
9:32 pm
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hopyhoo
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Dustygirl: I happened to be in the same situation, more and less, only a week ago

January 16, 2005
9:42 pm
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Hurts_so_bad
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dustygirl,

I'm so sorry you're feeling so sad. It's a difficult position to be in. I've been trying to "let go" of my ex for over 7 months now and I haven't succeeded yet. I will pray for you.

Logically I know that I would be better off letting my ex go, but I can't.

So I do understand your situation, but believe me, we both need to be strong and do what will make us happy. Obviously he's not sure what he wants at the moment, and I think you're decision to ask him to leave until he is sure, is correct. You have to do it for your own sanity. This will destroy you if you let it. Keep posting on here. A lot of us suffer from low self-esteem, but with the help of everyone on here, we can survive and get stronger.

January 17, 2005
3:48 pm
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ILSILS
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dusty,
i hope you can grow to believe this,

there are many many many more oportunities for love for you,

you deserve love

you will find love

you will have fun finding yourself

you deserve to love yourself

you will look back one day and say man am i glad i did that

good luck to you dusty, check in as often as possible ill be here for you

January 17, 2005
10:17 pm
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CAMER
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hi Dusty, how did things go yesterday???? (((my prayers are with you)))) Camer

January 17, 2005
10:53 pm
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dustygirl
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Hi Camer - thanks for asking. Things haven't been going overlly well - I couldn't tell him it's over as I know I won't stick to it. I did tell him that I am going to really work on myself and creating a life for me. I want hin in it, but I have to do this for me.
I took the day off of work today as I just couldn't get myself out of bed. He called me a couple time this morning to see if I was okay and then I went down to the beach and laid out for a while and he called again and 3 times tonight. We talked for 45 minutes tonight about his "state of confusion" and he says I don't help matters because he has such deep feelings for me - what the f... does that mean?
I just really beleive he needs to figure his feeling out in regards to his wife, me, ???? and I need to do something everyday to make myself stronger and to let go of him. Im tired of his crumbs and I want and deserve more than this.
I feel a little strength at the moment and wish it would last, but I will take what I can get for now. I had a good couseling session tonigght and tomorrow I am going to find another CODA meeting or SLAA meeting. I went to one on Saturday and then had lunch with some of the people. It was nice to feel that I waasn't alone.
I am also so thankful for you and everyone for their encouragement. I wish you all happiness.

January 18, 2005
10:51 am
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ILSILS
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hi dusty,
hope you are doing well today,
im sorry tio say that i all too well know that feeling of desperation and self destruction,
may i hear an honest list of what makes this man so incredable that it is worth all this hearache?

January 18, 2005
11:13 am
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CAMER
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HI DUSTY...you are taking good steps by taking care of you, and i know its not easy to just out and out break up with someone...i had the hardest time in the past of doing that....when the time is right, you will be able to do this, maybe with lil' baby steps and taking care of you. Glad your meeting went well on
Saturday..you did mention you wanted to find another one...is this another one on top of the one you went to on Saturday, or did you just not feel too comfy on Saturdays meeting??? there is help out there for you, and I am glad you are taking steps...keep doing what you are doing and be good to you!!! ok!!!
keep posting (((camer)))

January 18, 2005
7:28 pm
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woundedspirit
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DUSTY...Its sooo hard to be in that position. You seem so strong, going to meetings and councelling and taking care of YOU! I hope he is just confused and makes his decision, one way or another, soon for your sake as well as his ex. Im guessing its no easier on her as Im more in her position right now. Ex dating someone else but making me think he's not and throwing me "crumbs" to keep me hooked and running when he needs "comfort" etc. I hope he is not the type of guy like my ex to just want his cake and eat it too, holding onto the ex just as a back up in case you dont work out or vise versa. That is a terrible feeling for both women involved. Did they have kids together?

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