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Please Keep Sweet ELLA in your thoughts & Pryaers
October 16, 2005
4:09 pm
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Neshema
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This whole thread is really disturbing me.

October 16, 2005
4:19 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I wll be praying for her

October 16, 2005
5:16 pm
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Rasputin
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Thanks Randy!!!

I am so Thrilled for you & your hubby for resaying your marriage vows and purchasing engagement rigns. It must be our prayers!!!! You deserve all good things!

(((Hugs))))

October 16, 2005
8:48 pm
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sewunique
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Ras,

there are lots of posts here and support, but I will add my name to the list for hope and good wishes for Ella!

Ella does back away here for awhile at times. And I can understand why, as it does become draining on one after awhile to keep posting here, especially when one has sad things going on in their life and thoughts.

Secondly, perhaps the posts are getting her sadder? Has happened to me as well.

so again, I hope all is well with you ella, girl, come back when you can!

Ras, are you okay here?

Love to both,

~Sew~

October 16, 2005
10:15 pm
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Ella,

My thoughts are with you. Come back soon! We miss you!

TC

October 16, 2005
10:19 pm
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human drama
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Ras,
Why don't you contact the site coordinator to see if she can send out an email to Ella?
Then maybe she can give you the heads up so you won't be as worried.
HD

October 16, 2005
10:21 pm
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Rasputin
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Thanks TC for your support and prayers! You are always warm and trustworthy friend and I love you for it!!!

(((Hugs)))

October 16, 2005
10:27 pm
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Rasputin
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Hd,

I am not so worried as I am concerned about keeping her in our prayers. She has been thru so much lately and the least thing we can do for her is to pray for her as her cyber friends. Ella is very warm and caring person!!!

She is the type of person who backs away for a number of days then reappears. So, it is quite normal. However, she is in dire difficult situations.

~Ras~

October 16, 2005
11:03 pm
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Cooper
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Prayers for Ella....
God Bless!

October 17, 2005
12:42 am
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My dearest friends,

You have my deepest apologies for alarming you so. Perhaps I should have kept up w/my posts after being so upset like that. I would NEVER threaten suicide on this site. What I meant to say is that I really felt as bad as I had in the past when I've been there and actually attempted it...but I won't. I don't sometimes read my own posts the way others might. I'm sorry if that didn't come across the way I meant it to, but I have come a long way with how I cope with those urges...even if I still feel as deeply depressed. It's progress. I wouldn't put you in this position knowingly. That is so unbelievably selfish, I'm sorry I was careless and didn't realize anyone might get upset over that.

This site has been immensely helpful to me. I do think of you all as the human beings you are, not some anonymous type in cyberspace. That is why I feel so amazingly touched by this thread. But please, I wasn't seeking to upset anyone or cause this type of reaction. It's counter-productive for the site.

I also didn't mean to slam my dad so hard. He is a good ear most of the time, just has his limits of understanding. He doesn't understand the woman issues of course, and was a completely immature man when I was a child. He grew a lot, in no small way related to my illness... and is more sensitive than those comments made him sound. I was pissed off at him though. But I have extremely high expectations and I don't expect him to have the same. This man just wants some relief. I put my parents through some hell. They are probably more sinned against than sinners as they say.

Probably I distort other things in like manner because of depression, but I am having a rough time. I missed therapy this weekend cause I fucked up the time. I'm flakey.

I'm very much in the state of extended adolescence, still trying to accept the mediocracy of my life and my lack of achievements. This is part of the human condition. I know I'm not unique, but I lose sight of perspective... biochemistry doesn't help.

Sorry to make this so long, but I just want to fill you in since you've all been so caring. My doctor doubled my meds, but I'm going to go for a second opinion. The medication has a side affect of tenseness and agitation... I don't need more of that.

Originally I came on just to tell Rasputin that I would get back to her sweet, caring and extremely thoughtful post. I can tell she put a lot of time and effort into it. I was going to say I was going to get back to her later when I could give her the kind of attention and reply her post diserves. And to say hi to others who replied as well. But I saw this thread and of course I owe you all some more than that.

Thank you all for being so caring. I hope I never came across as thinking anything other than that. My response to hottamales on her thread was to console her and emphasize that even when I've had my momentary doubts that anyone was listening, I've always later learned otherwise.

I love you.
hugs,
ella

October 17, 2005
2:10 am
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Neshema
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Ella-

Something inside me knew you were okay. You are a strong woman, even in the darkest times. You inspire me. I never believed you hurt yourself. Thank you for all the encouragement you have given to me, personally, when I have needed you.

Many people here care about you. You have a lot of courage and you put one foot in front of the other even when things are tough. That is what shows how strong you are. Please don't be afraid to share what is going on with you. You just reminded everyone they your fortitude cannot be underestimated, as much as you appreciate everyone's sincere care and support.

Here is to you, my friend! Welcome back. We missed you.

Love, Nesh

October 17, 2005
12:07 pm
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mrdibbs
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Hi Ella Thank God you are OK,Im fairly new to this site and i cant believe the warmth,support,love,understanding and sheer strength of the people on this site,its very inspiring,im just glad im now part of it.Im so very pleased that you are back with us as you had us all so very worried and concerned for your welfare.But now you are here with us again please know that we care about you deeply and i hope you find happiness,comfort and lots of love and luck soon.Take Carexxx

October 17, 2005
12:17 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Ella:

Glad to see you back. 🙂

October 17, 2005
2:01 pm
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Tumbleweed8
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Ella, I'm glad to see you posting, also. I remember in the past we posted a little on some of the same things we're dealing with. As many of us deal with those same feelings, of course. I, too, tend to not want to post when I'm feeling too upset. I know it is hard at those times when we probably need to reach out to someone. Sometimes when I have posted at those times, I felt foolish after thinking I should have known how to handle things. So, I know it is not easy. Hugs to you and all!

October 17, 2005
7:19 pm
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Rasputin
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(((((Ella))))

WELCOME BACK!!!!

Thanks TO ALL MY CYBER FRIENDS!

Love & Hugs~Ras~

October 17, 2005
8:42 pm
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lollipop3
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Hi Ella,

I'm so glad to hear that you are doing okay.

It's great to see you back.

Love,
Lolli

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