Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Please Help - my mind is driving my crazy
December 28, 2003
8:56 pm
Avatar
strengthishere
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi there,

I am a single mother of a 4 year old girl. I never was married. Met my so called "soulmate" and got pregnant, he begged me to have an abortion, God sent people to help me through it. Had a beautiful baby girl. At 8 months pregnant I found out he had 3 or 4 different women on the go one was his x-girlfriend of 5 years. He wanted to marry her told me I screwed up the best step-mother our daughter could of ever had. Devistated, low self-esteem and european parents (who think you should stay no matter what). Have been in and out of our relationship for 5 years and when I tried to move on twice, was manipulated back into the relationship. Moved into his house with my daughter in December 2002 he bought me an engagement ring, never gave it to me, by March 2003 I moved back with my parents. He found a girlfriend who has 2 children and says things like "He's happy and she's happy and it's nice to be in a relationship with someone who trusts him" I wanted to get back together with him and try one last time I even suggested therapy - he keeps telling me how happy he is and that I better not screw this relationship with his girlfriend up because he really likes her and the other day he said the only missing piece to our puzzle is Emily (our daughter). Well I'm obsessed with thoughts of him and his girlfriend and her kids and I keep thinking "What happened?" He says it was my fault for moving out! I find myself crying a lot and obsessing with these thoughts of them being with my daughter and I don't understand why he couldn't love me and he couldn't be nicer to me. Do I ask for too much?? I didn't trust him but when I moved in he just kept going out and leaving us alone. I've decided to go to court and get legal full custody and support payments (because he keeps telling me how over it is) then a few Saturdays ago he came to pick her up and then left her at the door because he expected me to pick her up from his visitation with her and I told him that until we go to court and the lawyer tells me that well then I'm not going to do that. I think all the mental/emotional abuse he put me through has finally got me to the point where I can't think straight anymore and I'm always sad because he now has what I always wanted a little family that isn't even his own.......Please if you can find comforting words to help ease my pain I'll take them. I'm trying to be strong for my daughter but it's getting so much harder. I thought time was supposed to heal wounds???

December 28, 2003
9:52 pm
Avatar
Zinnie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Strength,

Honestly? Sweetie, be glad he is gone. I think I told you that on another thread. If he has this many woman all over the place and some of them pregnant - or they have had his children, is he involved with them too?

He is a manipulator and a cheat, and those are his better qualities from what you are saying about him.

Another thing to think about. He KNOWS what you really really wanted, and that was just a happy home with him and your daughter, right? He is hoping to further hurt and manipulate you (why, who knows - these people are dealing with a few damaged brain cells), and what is the easiest way to hurt you? Your daughter.

Does he voluntarily want to see his daughter or is this something that you are insisting he do for her sake?

I hope this helps some.

Love,

Zinnie

December 28, 2003
10:14 pm
Avatar
astraal
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hello strength! btw, i like your name! thank you for responding to my thread and giving me some of your strength and support. i am new here and going through my own situation as you have read. i also have a daughter who is young (5). i had to make a hard decision to leave my husband about 2 weeks ago from another country. i suffered for 4 long months before i found the courage to do it. it was not easy. we had to leave the country in secret like fugitives and come home with just a backpack so no one would know what i was up to. since i have been home he has not contacted us at all. his mother did write an email inquiring how we were doing 2 days ago but that has been it. although i know i made the right decision, i have been plagued with what i call "withdrawl" pains. i feel sick to my stomach, nervous, sleepless, angry, hateful, sorry for myself, you name it. i am also experiencing waves of intense feelings to get in contact with him again. these are powerful and can hit me without notice and last a long time.. worse than having a baby sometimes i think. but i still deep inside know that i made the right decision and someday, these feelings will subside and i can begin to have a life. you just have to be strong enough to make that decision to stay away once and for all. go through the withdrawal (like they are a drug) and begin to live a real life for yourself and your daughter! i don't have a quick cure as you can see i am going through this myself. i am not going to lie and say it is easy cause it isn't and it will be painful but someday the pain will end. the merry go round he's got you riding won't end until you say STOP I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!Good luck my friend and big hugs to you and your little girl. astraal

December 28, 2003
10:38 pm
Avatar
strengthishere
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Zinnie,

No he just has my daughter I think. My father always asks me the same thing, how do you know?? But I can't say that I do but I'm pretty sure about it. I do realize that I haven't dealt with any of the pain he bestowed upon me from the beginning so that I'm dealing with all of it now. It is a blessing in disguise and I have my storng moments I find that when I'm PMS'ing my weak moments intensify. Us women are so lucky!!! lol. No he wants to see her but only at his convenience, work or dating or friends have always been more important to him. I just had a shower and wept my pain away and am feeling somewhat better and I've realized that as much as I'd like to get rid of this pain I'm going to have to ride it out. I just wish I had some positive affirmations that I can hang on my wall that keep reminding me to be strong...I do have some somewhere I'll have to start a thread on positive affirmations like when God closes a door he Opens a window (Sound of Music, love that movie). Hope all is well with you and thanks for replying. The past two days were hell and I'm now getting somewhat better. I'm just so glad that I found this website.
Thanks again,
Strengthishere

December 28, 2003
10:42 pm
Avatar
Zinnie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Strength,

Here is a thought... since he is just oh, so busy... don't make it convenient for him to see her.

Normally, I'm not one to play games, period but especially if it involves the kids. But, if he is taking her and using it to hurt you, or taking her and telling her things that she comes hone and says like "why isn't Daddy here?" - then look at the bigger picture of the situation. Is your daughter better off with him out of the picture?

I know this man has hurt you, and yes, you are right since you never dealt with the hurt in the beginning it is intense right now, but it will subside.

Zinnie

December 28, 2003
10:45 pm
Avatar
strengthishere
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Astraal,

Have you ever seen that movie "Not Without my daughter" if you haven't you should go and rent it. It reminds me of your situation. Thanks for your reply. I'm so glad that I found this website I think it will do me a world of good. Another good idea, I have my friend's boyfriend who is a D.J. making me a CD with strengthening songs and/or songs that I love. Music is so theraputic!!! You stay strong as well, I have to run as my daughter is begging me to play the Easy Bake oven she got for Christmas. Have a good one. I do know that my daughter a majority of the time gives me a lot of strength.

December 28, 2003
10:49 pm
Avatar
strengthishere
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Zinnie,

I wonder the same things at times. Emily adores her father and I'm sure he adores her (although sometimes I wonder as I don't know who could leave their daughter at the door with their coat on) I can't do that to her. I was told that I'm going to have to let her find out for herself and do my best on my side. I'll be going to court after the New Year and I'm just praying that I do legally get Full Custody because he's fighting me for Joint - don't know why as she's been with me full time since the time she was born. My daughter can't wait to use the Easy Bake any longer, she's the cutest and funniest little girl. Thanks for your words it does mean a lot.

December 28, 2003
10:55 pm
Avatar
Zinnie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Strength,

Again, another tactic these folks use, is the kids. Well, you can see that already. I applaud you for wanting her to have a relationship with her Father.

But, I agree, if he loved her so much why would he leave a four year old sitting on the porch in the cold. Coat or not?

I think at this point, I would sever all communication from him UNLESS it concerned your daughter. When he tells you how happy he is, even though you might feel there is a knife in your back - well because there is... just smile and say "good, happy for you, but I really have to go." Leave it at that. Somehow I have a feeling that if you are no longer overly concerned about his life, it will no longer appear so rosy.

Love,

Zinnie

December 28, 2003
11:44 pm
Avatar
gingerleigh
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ditto to what all these kind folks have said. I have no other "advice" here besides listen to what they say and one other thing. What nice thing have you done for yourself lately? It must be really tough trying to raise a kid on your own, and doing a good job it sounds like. Can you take some time off, maybe even let the father or your parents take care of your little girl for a few days or a week, and get away? Do you have any girl friends you could take a road trip with? Just even an hour away from your home and stay in a different place? Or even go visit a spa for a day, something that is completely unabashedly, without guilt, yours, for your relaxation and happiness only. Strength needs to be replentished every once in a while. 🙂

December 29, 2003
9:51 am
Avatar
strengthishere
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Gingerleigh sounds like a great idea and I think I just may do that the following weekend!!!! A roadtrip, not a bad idea!!! Her father will have her for about 4 days and I think I just may do that.

Zinnie - your right and I've actually told him that if he doesn't have anything to talk about with Emily then not to call me.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
37
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110978
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714262
Newest Members:
brianwolfe, swright, nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information