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Please Hear What I'm Not Saying
March 9, 2008
9:50 pm
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chelonia mydas
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Hi everyone,

I was just going through some old boxes when I found this poem from high school. My English teacher passed it out as an assignment and I've kept it ever since.

Just thought I would share...

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying- Author Unknown

Don't be fooled by me.

Don't be fooled by the face I wear.

For I wear a mask, I wear a thousand masks, masks that I'm afraid to take off, and none of them are me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature to me but don't be fooled, for God's sake, don't be fooled.

I give you the impression that I am secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with me, wihtin as well as without, that confidence is my name and coolness my game, that the water is calm and I'm in control, and that I need no one.

But don't believe me. Please.

My surface may be smooth, but my surface is my mask, my varying and ever-concealing mask.

Meneath lies no smugness, no complacence.

Beneath it dwells the real me, in confusion and fear, in aloneness, but I hide this, I don't want anybody to know it

That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind, a nonchalant, sophisticated facade, to help me pretend, to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only salvation.

And I know it, that is if it's followed by acceptance, if it si followed by love.

It's the only thing that can liberate me, from myself, from my own self-built prison walls, from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.

I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.

I tell you everything that's really nothing, and nothing of what's everything, of what's crying within me.

So, when I'm going through my routine please don't be fooled by what I'm saying,

Please try to listen carefully, and try to hear what I'm NOT saying, and what I'd like to be able to say, what for survival I need to say, but what I won't say.

Only you can call me into aliveness.

Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart grows wings, very small wings, very feeble wings, but wings.

With you sensitivity and sympathy, and your power of understanding, you can breathe life into me, I want you to know that.

I want you to know how important you are to me, how you can be a creator of the person that is me if you choose to.

Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.

It will not be easy for you.

A long conviction of worthlessness built strong walls.

The nearer you approach to me, the blinder I may strike back.

It is irrational, but despite what het book says about man, I am irrational.

I fight against the very thing I cry out for.

But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls.

In this lies my hope, my only hope.

Who am I, you may wonder.

I am someone you know very well.

I am every man and woman you meet.

March 9, 2008
9:55 pm
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Codi202
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this is on a website dedicated to actor that was VERY popular as a child/teen star but commited suicide in his twenties.

Acording to what I have read, this doesn't apply to the sociopaths that I have read make up half the populaton these days.

I am confused now.

March 9, 2008
9:57 pm
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chelonia mydas
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This poem meant a lot to me when I was younger and I still like it very much. I haven't seen it in over 15 years. I used to think that my Foster Mom and one of my teachers were the people this poem was talkign about. And they really did help alot- with out them, I wouldn't be on this same journey today.

But now after working on my codependancy issues, I see this poem being something that I would read to myself.

I need to love myself and be gentle and kind and sensitive toward my own self evaluations. I have built walls against myself- I have lied and said everything was OK- when really it wasn't. I need to care for me, because as long as I wear a mask when I look in the mirror, there isn't anything anyone else can do to see past that same mask.

March 9, 2008
10:06 pm
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chelonia mydas
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Hey Codi,

Thanks for letting me know where it is online.

I first saw it when my English teacher passed it out in the 1980's for a class assignment. It has been in storage for over 15 years. I just thought I would share what it meant to me.

It's not meant as advice or even truthful. I just wanted to share this with someone and so posted it.

Thanks for being part of my sharing experience.

Chelonia

March 9, 2008
10:41 pm
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Codi202
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its a nice poem, Chelonia.

March 9, 2008
10:44 pm
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Codi202
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The reason I brought that up, by the way, is because it is appropriate for that site. Its the first time that I saw it and it made sense that this particular person was feeling that way.
thats why they posted it there.

However, I am honestly confused about what to think regarding sociopaths and all.

It was an honest comment.
I was hoping that someone would address that so I could be less confused.

March 9, 2008
11:18 pm
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marypoppins
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Chelonia,

Thank you for sharing this poem. I'd never read it before, but I really like it. I can understand why a teacher would give it to students, young people who so often feel misunderstood and uncomfortable in their own skin. Longing to be heard. Wanting to connect but not knowing how.

Yes, our own self talk can be brutal. We can hide from ourselves, treat ourselves carelessly. I remember when I finally faced the abusive relationships I'd been in for 17 years, I had to first forgive myself for the utter neglect.

Once strong and heard, we stand a better chance of hearing what others aren't saying.

Thank you, Chelonia.

Mary

March 10, 2008
1:32 am
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Randomwomen2
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The poem is by a guy named Charles C. Finn he wrote it in september of 1966

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