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P&L, are you around?
September 9, 2006
8:07 pm
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ggfred4
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P&L, Just needed to touch base today. I was so sick that I slept 12 hours w/o waking. I got up for two hours and then took a nap for 1 hour. My husband went to the college football game with my son who came in from out of town. I am feeling better now; glad this didn't happen on a work day.

How are your hands? How are you feeling?...gg

September 9, 2006
8:21 pm
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ggfred4
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Do you want to talk? I am not ready, but this is the perfect opportunity since I will be home alone for several hours.

September 9, 2006
10:07 pm
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Anonymous
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Hi gg

I am here now. you here?

September 9, 2006
10:12 pm
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ggfred4
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yes!

September 9, 2006
10:13 pm
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Anonymous
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hiya

September 9, 2006
10:15 pm
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ggfred4
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How are you feeling?

September 9, 2006
10:19 pm
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Anonymous
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trying to lay off the typing, but I just posted twice..UGH..

thanks for asking..how r u??

September 9, 2006
10:20 pm
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ggfred4
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okay, hey, if it hurts you to type, we could talk tomorrow?

September 9, 2006
10:20 pm
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Anonymous
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it will be worse then, we can talk now..i came here for a break from what I was doing..talk to me...what's up

September 9, 2006
10:26 pm
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Anonymous
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gg

i say it will be worse, cuz i think i will get progressively worse until my doc gets me stabilized...that's life, and i refuse to go back to my evil treatment, but i am still on other treatments or it would be worse.

September 9, 2006
10:56 pm
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Anonymous
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gg- where did u go?

September 9, 2006
10:58 pm
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ggfred4
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Sorry, P&L, my husband and son came in and wanted to use the computer. Are you still here?

September 9, 2006
11:01 pm
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Anonymous
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yup

September 9, 2006
11:02 pm
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ggfred4
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Thanks...well, I really don't know how to start, another problem of mine.

September 9, 2006
11:05 pm
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Anonymous
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go ahead...i will read

September 9, 2006
11:14 pm
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ggfred4
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I really need to do something about this situation. This will be hard for me to write. I have these walls up you see to keep from getting hurt. It works. But then, when I let one down, open up, start talking, then it is like a dam burst and I go on and on. It feels good, someone cares, etc. And then I blow it. I look too much to others for help and comfort because I can't find it within myself I guess.

This is really difficult to put in words because I don't understand it myself. Last week, I started opening up to you and it was like that dam burst open. I just kept talking and revealing myself. When you emailed me back about you being scared to support me if it was meant with blame...it upset me so much. I truly didn't know what I said or did wrong. But, I do know it is a repeated behavior that I need help with. Yes, I have heard that response before. And my response, retreat...retreat..retreat and put the wall back up. Only when you asked about me the next day, did I feel any hope. I don't know what I am doing wrong.

September 9, 2006
11:16 pm
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ggfred4
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oh, and I am really sorry I made you feel that way.

September 9, 2006
11:17 pm
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Anonymous
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I know. That is the first thing I will say. I knew you would say this.

September 9, 2006
11:18 pm
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Anonymous
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and it is okay. Keep talking.

September 9, 2006
11:19 pm
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ggfred4
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????Don't understand. You knew I would say this???

September 9, 2006
11:22 pm
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Anonymous
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Yes, I understand. I felt that was what was going on.

September 9, 2006
11:23 pm
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ggfred4
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But, what did I do wrong, please help me.

September 9, 2006
11:24 pm
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Anonymous
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nothing, you got scared if your own feelings and ran away.

September 9, 2006
11:25 pm
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Anonymous
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you were afraid I would abandon you, just because I stated my needs...you mistook my intentions. I never abandoned you.

September 9, 2006
11:26 pm
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ggfred4
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Please explain, I am not getting this.

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