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Pity parties
January 26, 2003
12:47 am
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Anonymous
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Tonight is the night before superbowl. I'm having a pity party. Lonely. EVerybody around is so excited about tomorrow. I hate tomorrow. Am a wee bit inebriated. Rut-roh Raggy. Not allowed to go to group therapy that way. Hope I'm following guidelines. I'm sad. My fiance is all wrapped up in superbowl stuff, as is virtually everybody I know. This an ucky weekend. Pure poopoo. Football no longer works on my TV. Gonna go to the beach. Find rocks and shells. I feel so alone. Everybody gets all drunk after a 12 pack or so. I have a couple and look, here I am slurring my typing! lol. Keep having to correct it. I'm teary. Everytime I have a flashback now, or think about the past icky stuff I wanna cry. Crying is exdhausting. Have a date with a hot shower everynight at 10 pm now. Just cry. Dodn't wanna do this anymore. Liked it with my head stuck in the sand. Life was so grand there. My attorney yanked it out. Poo poo head. And then the DA actually charged my ex with a big thing! Booger bucket. Life isn't fun right now. I'm scared. Feeel so alone. Barely paying bills. Worried about- well you name it, I'm there. Tired. So tired. And it's only been three months since my ex was arrested. Arrested! Oh my God I'm dead. How did my life take this turn? I'm smart and a survivor. What am I doing here? My ex got his pleading thin continued. he'll do that as long as he can. It seems to average 2 syears every time he catches me in a legal web. I can't do it anymore. Divorced him 5 years ago. The first year was su[pposed to be the worst. But it never got better. Why? Screw everything up- that is waat free does best! yep! Numb. I like this numb thing. I can do numb. A little teary, but all muscles relaxed, startle time is slow, numb. Everything slowd down. Kinda cool. Do ya think this is how people become alcoholics? I wonder.........gotta go put the chickens up so the coons don't eat em. I'm so glad you peop0le are here. Really, I am. you so see the inside, and I'm glad you can. On the outside I'm so perfect. On the inside, such a mess. Manage everything, and everybody, except me. Look out for everything, and everybody, except me. Why? How I wish I could just climb into my papa's lap and fall asleep while he rubs my head. Nope. that was 30 years ago. That time is forever gone. Oh, man, this a big pity party!

January 26, 2003
12:54 pm
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you become an alcoholic, or addict when you stay in the pity party. Its that what difference does it make, I am in a mess, so I will keep messing up. Staying numb and not taking any action besides digging a deeper hole. If you ever get a chance to read the Big Book, the AA book, it is full of stories from what the 30's of peoples stories of how they kept drinking and sliding in the hole. Sometimes people just slide to far, and can't get out. Its like a chain reaction, and takes a split second to happen. For example, here you are with all the crap from ex. money problems, your attitude gets you into a fight with your current guy, it gets bad, maybe even in front of the kids, you take off in the car and get a DUI most cost around 10k before your done with it, the psychological humilation, is big, the insurance issues, the guilt, and shame with your guy, your ex gets hold of the information, and then there is your kids that saw you drunk and figthing, all in a split second.
Choices...... pity parties are ok, once and a while but alcohol really doesn't help, and there isn't enough of it to make you feel better.
Playing in the sand is so much better for you, something about being out doors, watching the birds, trying to figure out how far the horizon is , seeing children laughing, petting a dog, and getting your endorphins going or the pain in your theighs from exercise.
Where ever we are we are alone, and it does get old I know, but if you read, you have company, get on line you have company, walk into town you have company, turn on the TV and fall asleep. When you are sick and tired of feeling this way, you will do something different. That simple.
Sorry about the mood, but this too shall pass, if you choose to let it go.

January 26, 2003
9:12 pm
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Hi free ~ sorry to hear you are having such a terrible time. Are you feeling any better today? By feeling sad then turning to drinking I'm sure it didn't help your mood any. I find that when I drink I always end up in tears - depressed about everything - most of all living.

I understand your feelings, and I'm so sorry for you. I wish I could give you a big hug. 🙂 I share your feelings about the superbowl. It seems such a silly thing to me to get so excited about. At least it's only for today!!

Don't give up and continue turning to everyone here... They are all so smart, sympathetic, and helpful.

January 26, 2003
11:19 pm
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Went to an all chick superbowl party, it was great, the game was on and no one watched, great game ???? Who cares, female bonding, next year my house, and your all invited, we might not even turn on the tv.

January 26, 2003
11:43 pm
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I agree...I went to a superbowl party once where the TV was not turned on once. It was the best time of my life. Free, I may not know you very well, or even at all, I'm still fairly new here, but I know from reading what people have written, esp. you, that you are a very strong woman, and I admire the heck out of you for that. you CAN get through this. So, chin up dolly, life is like a big lollipop, so suck it up! 😀

January 27, 2003
5:57 am
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Well... I had fun going against the grain. Everybody around here hates the bucs for beating the eagles, so they were all routing for the raiders. OUt loud I said that I didn't care about either team playing, but inside I was hoping the bucs would win. I guess I like to see other people disappointed.

I thought the matrix and hulk previews were cool though. Lots of great action bits, but only a little bit was ruined.

January 27, 2003
8:37 am
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I love it Molly! I want to be there next year.

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