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PICKED UP "DOLL" OF A HITCHIKER IN TEXAS
July 20, 2005
2:00 pm
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kathygy
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gazelle, I find you to be an inspiration for all the positive energy you bring to this web site and the careful consideration you give the things people say.

love,
kathy

July 20, 2005
3:35 pm
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gazelle
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Oh, wow, double wow! What a lovely surprise. THANK YOU, Turnabout. Yes, standing up for myself & supporting anyone being attacked (as I perceive it) IS one of my biggest issues. How to do so without offending anyone but still making my point. Cheers!

And THANK YOU, Kathy! I have been seriously miserable - down & going lower - recently in my personal life. I've been feeling totally useless, invisible and unnoticed. My feelings get swept aside & never seem to matter. I find it hard to be assertive but not whiney. So your words of support & appreciation mean the world to me, and I'm unashamedly shedding a happy, happy tear through my first big smile for over a week. Thanks for helping me get here šŸ™‚

Blessings of happiness & strength & abundance to everyone - gazelle.

July 20, 2005
3:35 pm
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gazelle
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Oh, wow, double wow! What a lovely surprise. THANK YOU, Turnabout. Yes, standing up for myself & supporting anyone being attacked (as I perceive it) IS one of my biggest issues. How to do so without offending anyone but still making my point. Cheers!

And THANK YOU, Kathy! I have been seriously miserable - down & going lower - recently in my personal life. I've been feeling totally useless, invisible and unnoticed. My feelings get swept aside & never seem to matter. I find it hard to be assertive but not whiney. So your words of support & appreciation mean the world to me, and I'm unashamedly shedding a happy, happy tear through my first big smile for over a week. Thanks for helping me get here šŸ™‚

Blessings of happiness & strength & abundance to everyone - gazelle.

July 20, 2005
3:48 pm
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exoticflower
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Gazzelle, you seem to take very personal offense to my thinking that this thread seems to have people feeling very defensive and a little hostile. I'm sorry if you don't feel that to be true or that I was somehow attacking you. I certainly wasn't at all.

July 20, 2005
4:08 pm
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sewunique
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Okay, I am going to be double codependent with this question, after reading the peaks and valleys of this thread of late.

How did my posts come off? Was anyone offended by them or did I seem judgemental or crude or snippy? I just have to ask, as I thought mine were okay, but if not, am willing and able to hear it and bear it. Thanks all,

Sew

July 20, 2005
5:11 pm
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exoticflower
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Sew, I thought it came off very honest and non judgemental, more an observation as to your own growth or feelings as you have noticed when looking at your reactions than an opinion on the conflicts seen here.

Yea, Growth!

July 20, 2005
5:36 pm
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Anonymous
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I'm still listening...

I'm still taking notes...

This is exactly what I need. You guys have NO idea how empowering this thread has been for me. People disagreed, people confronted, people got angry BUT their lives didn't come to a screeching hault. Communication wasn't SHUT DOWN. No one appears to be feeling guilty or bad about themselves. No one appears to be punishing anyone else.

Quite the conrary, The buzz is now all about growth and understanding.

Gazelle:
Congratulations! I know how good it feels to be set free from a pattern of behavior.

Angel:
How I admire you for your fairness, tactfulness and your sharp analytical mind.

I'm learning new tactics, healthy tactics to express disagreement with others. For me, the girl who doesn't talk about the elephant in the room...THAT'S PRICELESS.

Clay, dispite all the controvercy, I've got to say thanks for this thread.

July 20, 2005
11:39 pm
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sewunique
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Yeah! You go Y&R!!!! Isn't this empowering? Many times I have seen threads start out as such, only to end poorly. Whereas this time there has been such great insight, compassion, understanding and growth, personally and as a group! Yahoo!

Thanks, EF, Yahoo! I appreciate the validation! I needed that, as I thought I have grown here and alas, sadly have grown away from posting so frequently as well. But I see less time here and less posting as a positive for myself also.

SC............are you looking here? Five more reasons to keep this AAC family open for all!!!

This thread and you all here touch my heart. It is good to see this and be a part of this place!

Sew

July 20, 2005
11:45 pm
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sewunique
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Thank you, SC, for sharing and providing this web space for us.

Thank you to all I have come in contact with here, for sharing of yourselves and support you have given me and others, whether we have directly posted, or indirectly (by reading only).

Sew

July 21, 2005
1:29 am
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exoticflower
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Sew, I was just thinking something similar...looking at days I need less support and post less, the things I do post seem healthier and healthier those days. Another thing i do is to sometimes look back on my older posts and realize with a start what was REALLY going on in them, what I needed to see about MYSELF in them.

Very empowering.

July 21, 2005
2:20 am
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sewunique
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EF,

Thanks for that reminder! I can hardly read my beginning posts, brings back some disgusting feelings and I just can't get thru it all as it seems so long winded! Alot of venting and disbelfief!

I have noticed how you have the same with backing off on posting nowadays and post back with more strength than ever before. Many others here, such as Kathy (hi) post when needed and to the point. Don't you find posting back now has less venting of (me) stuff and more towards addressing the thread poster's subject? It is hard to analyze it all.

Course, there are times when we need to start a thread to work on something. Yet, I feel that as time passes, I and others here are able to move forward more than going backwards. I truly hope this is so for the future!!!

July 23, 2005
5:34 pm
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clayrains
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I didn't post this thread to get a rise out of anyone. This wasn't some joke either. This really happened and was really over the top, that's why I probably didn't have my thoughts well organized when I first posted. I'm not wanting to argue. I should have ignored it I guess when, it seemed that, I was being judged or criticized.

Regardlessly, what happened was pretty awesome and I had fun. I work nights and weekends and live in a crummy, dead rural area of Missouri, so this was a welcome and fun diversion even if it didn't lead anywhere. A date is pretty much out of the question around here, much less something a date like that ever happeneing to me where I live! The few single women that there are here where I live now are almost entirely single mothers.

I've been down to south Texas two other times before in the last 2 years and have basically concluded that this is where I need to be. I have no future where I'm at now. I used to feel really hopeless because I wanted a decent job and wanted to play music again but it seemed there was nowhere to turn. Now, it seems I'm starting to figure it out. This third trip pretty much convinced me that I should move to Texas.

If there was any doubt left, it was as if meeting a a girl like that in such odd circumstances and going on a date, right before I was about to leave mind you, was an attempt by someone to "tell me something." You know... kind of like "He's pretty sure he wants to move here, let's convince him once and for all."

It was kind of like I was being shown that evening that if I move here, "Even the most unimaginable, impossible things are possible for you here."

July 23, 2005
6:00 pm
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sewunique
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Clay,

One never knows just where a thread may lead us. One posts, then another and the main idea gets skewed along the way. Often this is a good thing, sometimes wwe start another thread to compensate for the need to keep going onto another subject. But, getting a rise from this, all led to good things! I think that of itself is empowering to us as individuals and as a group as a whole.

So maybe south Texas IS calling you? I moved 1700 miles away, not my choice, circumstances over a year kept me having to travel back to where I am now a transplant. You never know. Listening to our inner voice, our HP if that is your belief, leads us to a better place sometimes, if we only seek to find, listen to hear, open our eyes what is before us and to open that door and walk thru is an awesome gift.

My best to you,

Sew

July 23, 2005
6:25 pm
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clayrains
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Thanks Sew. I agree I think it is God that is leading me there. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's based on merit. I'm far from being a Saint.

I don't lie to get what I want from women, I don't have illegitimate kids, I don't cause grief for people at work, I don't take what's not mine, I don't pick fights. But I do a few things that some people look down on... although most of these people DO all of the things I just mentioned!

Anyway, I may get closer to sainthood if I start listening a little more. I'm starting to feel like I have some purpose.

July 23, 2005
11:13 pm
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angel4U
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((((((((((((ALL)))))))))))))

Wow! Looks like some great learning went on here hile I was gone.

Y&R - Thank you for the compliment ... =)

clay - I commend you for coming back and explaining yourself, and clarifying your intentions. I think it was both thoughtful and couragious of you ... =) I have been doing a lot of research on effective communication, mainly in the area of identifying abusive communication and how to handle it (and my emotions when I am in the midst of it), which is why I focused so much on this in my post to you. I think we all have problems sometimes when we are feeling attacked with knowing exactly how to respond, and it's not always easy to keep our emotions under control and not want to attack back (been there, done that myself) ... and I think it is even harder when we have not learned any other way. But I truly believe it is necessary in order to foster good/healthy relationships, and create environments for effective problem solving.

I had recently read that most problems stem from not what we say, but HOW we say it. When communication becomes abusive (cut downs, jabs, making fun of/discounting someone, ignoring/not listening to someone's expression of feelings/hurt, etc.), the party at the other end of the abuse feels hurt and disrespected ... which makes it difficult for them to participate in helping/hearing the other party anymore (I am guessing that we can ALL realte to this). The reading shared that the proper response at this point is to disengage from the discussion and focus strictly on how we are being talked to in an attempt to stop the abuse. And don't reengage until the abusive talk stops. If you read this thread, that's exactly what happened ... your original topic got put on hold while people changed the topic to how they saw themselves as being talked to. I think there is great learning to be gained by all on this one ... =))

On a final note - I also think its great that you are able to look further into your situation and answer your own questions as to what this situation means to YOU and why it had an effect on you so much. Sound like you are on your way to another journey in your life and I wish all the best!

angel4u

July 24, 2005
10:53 am
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Anonymous
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Angel,

Your entire post was deadly accurate and well said.

Here's the part that made my mouth drop to the floor...

If you read this thread, that's exactly what happened ... your original topic got put on hold while people changed the topic to how they saw themselves as being talked to. I think there is great learning to be gained by all on this one ... =))

Certainly I did that.

Certainly There is great learning to be gained by all.

I won't close with something sugar but empty here. I'll only say: THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING your post are helping me to learn!!

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