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Peter's Pretty Painful Past
January 29, 2001
7:51 pm
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peter
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About ten years ago, I was in elementary School. A friend of mine had a sleep over and I was molested by his cousin. They called it a "trick" they were playing on me. But, I wasn't tricked as to the harmful effects. As someone who has endured that, I really feel distrustful toward others. How can I overcome that? I know it was ten years ago, but it still hurts me even today. My friends have been wonderful to me. I have only confided this to two people and they told me it wasn't my fault. But, at the same time, I can't help but to feel resentment for those who did this. I know that everyone's not like that, but who can I trust? This is the first time I've had the courage to air this. Nobody knows except my immediate family and my two closest friends. The boys that did that did get in trouble, but there is still n my mind no way to ever trust anyone again. Please Help Me!!!!!!!

January 29, 2001
8:03 pm
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Molly
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This is hard, but take baby steps. You must remember that these were children playing a cruel cruel game, with some sick histories. Obviously they have been hurt them selves, or where else would they get such an idea. Try to reflect on those that have not violated you, or your trust,and go from there. You are not around them any more, and they cannot hurt you any more. Perhaps if you can change your thought process you can recreate the memory, and the violation. It is almost like ok, so you were violated, you know the age that this happened, and you are old enough to not be so trusting, or with the sorts of what you were. It is in your past, you are the only person who can change the memory and move on. I am not in any way trying to trivialize what happened, but it was 10 years ago, quit empowering it. Like any rape, is it more signifigant than the indigestion that you have from your breakfast?????? Indigestion is real, it is current, it is today. Does that make any sense to you?????

January 30, 2001
10:23 am
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Dilly
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Why are you insisting on carrying into the future the baggage from the past? Only you can decide enough is enough and move on. Why are you allowing those abusers to abuse your future as well? Its your mind, your life, your future. they are no longer a part of it, so why allow them that honour. Let it all go Pete. and move on with your life, it's all out there awaiting you. Leave the baggage behind, in the past, where it started and now belongs.

January 30, 2001
10:58 am
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Layla
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Just by talking with your family and friends, and by writing down your thoughts and how this experience has affected you, you are dealing with it and hopefully working toward putting it to rest. I'm sure there are so many people who have had a similar experience but have never been able to tell anyone. Remember, when this happened, you were just a boy, and so were they. You just need to find a way to forgive them so you can move on. I think you have taken the first steps toward that. What do you think about seeing a counselor?

January 30, 2001
3:19 pm
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Cici
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I like that - alliteration. 🙂

Well, you have to decide for yourself whether you will allow this experience to control you for the rest of your life or whether you will keep yourself open, at the risk of getting hurt, and fully experience all life has to offer.

I was raped twice, once as a yougster and again in college. I do notice certain odd behaviors that I carry with me, obsession over personal hygiene, discomfort in certain sexual positions, etc.

But I remember that after I saw a therapist for the first time I made a decision. I decided that even though getting hurt is painful, by allowing my fear to control my life I was allowing my abusers to control me even from afar, and I definatley did not want that.

Besides, suffering makes the soul. We all suffer, it is what we do with that suffering that makes us noble or petty.

Two books I recommend to everyone, about psychology (not about molestation or rape):

"Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl

"Toward a Psychology of Being" by Abraham Maslow

Good luck

January 30, 2001
4:49 pm
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pg lova
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Peter,

Just remember that God is on your side. What happened to you had to be pretty rough, but you must be strong. Don't let the past limit the present. Once again, it will be all right!

PG LOva

PS God Bless U

January 30, 2001
11:08 pm
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AF1
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Peter, I'm so sorry for what happened to you.

Have you ever been to counselling for this? As a child or as an adult?

I don't blame you for not trusting anyone. Maybe that's not entirely a bad thing. When you are sexually violated, you tend to harbor many feelings that are "offshoots" of the actual assault. Ask yourself what is it that is eating away at you? Why cant you put it behind you? What other fears do you have because of it?

Write it all down, do go see a counselor whether you have already or not. You need continuing support and help sorting it all out and putting it away.

Good luck,
Keep us posted.

January 31, 2001
12:24 am
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peter i know how it feels. im sorry.. good luck

January 31, 2001
2:49 pm
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peter
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To respond to those who have said that they were children who did thi, they were not. I was in Elementary school and these were almost grown men heading toward college. They were there to keep watch over us.

January 31, 2001
3:57 pm
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Layla
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Wow, I'm so sorry, you're first message said "boys" so I just assumed. I still think you are on the right path though. You didn't mention the counseling piece. Have you ever been or would you consider it now? It sounds like you still have a lot of bottled up feelings and you really want to resolve this so you can move on. A good counselor can help you get your feelings out in the open and then at some point you can decide to close that chapter of your life. You are already on your way. Also, it's not necessarily all up to you to decide whether to trust someone or not, other people need to earn your trust by being trustworthy. Maybe in your case, it just takes more time before you decide someone is trustworthy or not.
I hope you can work through this, I have a feeling you will, just keep talking about it and the trusting will come back on its own.

January 31, 2001
4:14 pm
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eve
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Peter,
to trust someone totally doesn't make sense - nobody is so much like god :-). This is just a dream (I grew up whith that dream, too, and i liked this dream a lot). But you just can't rely on somebody else totally. As soon as you are clear on that you can start coosing people you trust in for special things. You trust people all the time, just not whith everything. And there will be some (few) people that you can trust whith a lot of things, even some very private or even embarassing aspects of your life. Just take your time and try to choose wisely. And do consider counseling, it helps to sort things out and put a new perspective on things.

January 31, 2001
8:27 pm
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Molly
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Ok, so they were not children, but they sure were not men. This was rape in that case, sorry you have carried this alone.But the advice still holds. Move foreward.

February 6, 2001
3:43 pm
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pg lova
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Pete,

How have things been going. I have been concerned about you and diligently praying for you. Don't you give in, just hold to God's unchanging hand and in the end you shall emerge victorious. Be strong

PG Lova

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