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Pent- up feeling , need to relieve....
October 5, 2003
11:36 am
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tummy
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Hi there,

I am desperated to get some from sympathetic people. First of all, let me briefly introduce myself. I am the eldest child at home,I have sisters and a brother. My father has died for 11 years, since then, the relatives from my father side cut off the relationship with my family. During my childhood and adolesence, I had to bear more responsibilities than the peer around me. After all, I regard myself as a healthy grown person although i dont have a father figure. However, a dramatic change has happened 2 years ago...

2 years ago, i met my ex boyfriend, i was in deep love with him. However, my mother was strongly against this relationship. During that period, I was in deep pain. I was in the middle, I knew I was hurting both my ex and my mum's feeling. I was lost! My mum was very disappointed and angry at me. Because of that, my siblings started to hostile towards me as well. They didnt talk to me, did heaps of bad things to hurt my feelings. I felt like I was nobody in the world. I had nothing. After the second thought, I knew my ex and I could not work out due to some reasons. I then broke up with him. Thereafter, the relationship with my mother has changed. However, sadly, my siblings still dont talk to me.( I tried my best to heal the wounds, I loved them a lot, I tried to talk to them, gave them presents on their birthdays.... but nothing seemed to work) Untill today, they are still indifferent to me. I dont like the feeling of being at home, I scare of facing them... Can anyone imagine the feeling of being isolated? Can anyone imagine the feeling of being seen as one of the passer-by in the street by your own siblings? Can anyone really understand how lonely I feel???

In school, I behave like a cheerful girl, but in fact, I always suppress and bottle up my inner feeling. I cry sliently and I have haunting nightmares from time to time in the middle of the night. Sometimes, I tell my experience to my friends, but none of them can understand my feelings and give me fair response.My current boyfriend is a mature and successful person. He is very nice to me, but when he comes to my emotional problem, he doesnt know how to handle at all.Sometimes, he even blames on me... I feel nothing but bummered.

Because of all that, I turn to be a hysteric and sentimental person with very low esteem. I know i am like setting up a flaming boom, until the day i cannot take it anymore, the boom will blow up!

Do anyone know what should I do to let go my grief and pent-up feelings?? Do I suffer from any personality disorder or sth??

October 5, 2003
12:16 pm
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Anonymous
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I think maybe you are being scapegoated by your siblings and that you may be associated with the wrong people. If your boyfriend doesn't understand your ordeal and sometimes blames it on you, he's not a positive person for you. He is contributing to the problem rather than helping you. He sounds like someone with not much emotional maturity or depth.

I know from experience how hard it is to abandon the illusion that it's our fault and if we change they will be nice to us, but the kind of behavior you describe is not healthy, regardless what you may have done. Sounds to me like you're the sane one here.

How does your mother explain your siblings' behavior??

October 5, 2003
12:32 pm
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mj
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Yes, Tummy I can understand how this feels....Big Hug.

My father has nothing to do with me. He treats me like I am a stranger if by chance we run into each other or he tries to get away and pretend he doesn't see me.

YOUR siblings have the problem. Maybe they feel like they wont get all your mom's attention if they treat you with the decency you deserve.

You are not alone...I sympathize.
How do I deal with it? One day at a time, one step at a time. I read alot of self-help books and I am learning to communicate directly with others. I am learning to reach out for support with others whom I have formed a trust with. I have tried to stop reaching out to people who are unable to be supportive. It's not about me....they just don't know how to love.

I try to communicate what I want and need, honestly and directly. I am learning that it is ok to express my feelings. Welcome to this site....you are not alone.

October 5, 2003
10:29 pm
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tummy
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Thank you very much Mafi and mj! Nice to see you guys' replies. I appreciate them a lot!

Regarding to my boyfriend, he is an intelligent and mature person ( he is 13 yr older than me). He always helps me around and gives me very useful advice when I am in need. However, he can be quite hot- tempered sometimes. He verbal abused me badly for a couple of times because of some silly reasons. I used to tell him the problems I have with my siblings and expressed him my feelings. However, he never thought from my side. He asked me to ignore them, he sometimes even said I am the person who created it...Although he and I have so much in common, still, on some matters, i feel like we come from different planets. He more like lectures me rather than tries to understand me and comfort me.

About my mother, she tried to talk to my siblings about the problem. But nothing seems to work since my siblings are too stubborn. I know she feels sad about this unchangable situation. Now, the cause of the problem is no longer about my ex since we have broken up for long. I always wonder what on earth is my problem. Why they have to treat me like that. I feel extremely sad especially when I see how much my youngest brother and sister respect my next sister and the way how they treat me! I remember we played together, talked together happily in the past. But, those days is a past. It seems that i can only trace them back through my memories....

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