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Patterns in Relationships
January 17, 2005
4:42 pm
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on my way
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Did a lot of thinking this past weekend, and writing...until I realized....I'm done, do I really want to keep doing this??? No. Thanks for all of the insight, it has helped me focus on what is important, what is real, and what is now. I just happened to be at a point to receive this.

January 17, 2005
4:56 pm
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JohnMurphy
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You might try using feeling intensive SVO-p syntax so as to clarify your thinking and your intentions.

You might notice your feelings about concealing your feelings.

January 17, 2005
5:01 pm
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TRUE! Tell me, How did you derive this from what I said?

January 17, 2005
5:11 pm
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JohnMurphy
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'TRUE! Tell me, How did you derive this from what I said?'

You might notice your feelings about using SVO-p. I suggest you the devastating act of proclaiming in clear SVO-p, for everybody in this forum, and preferrably into a new thread in CAPITAL LETTERS, your most cherished wish.

January 17, 2005
6:26 pm
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marley
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I missed something, what is SVO-p?

January 17, 2005
6:29 pm
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January 17, 2005
6:51 pm
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workinonit
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Ok guys, I'm done with the relationship. I am seeing something I never admitted before. He is using me and I want someone who treats me well and cherishes me as a human being!

I will not call. I will only look forward toward the goals I have set for myself damnit!!!

I cannot believe I did it again. But, I am proud of myself for not continuing. For movijng forward without drama and pain. Sure, I fewel sad but it does not define me anymore!!!!

Good God I am learning!!!!!!!!!!

January 17, 2005
7:16 pm
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JohnMurphy
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'I will not call. I will only look forward toward the goals I have set for myself damnit!!!'

'Will' places your intention in the non-existent future. You might notice your feelings about not calling 'now' or about looking toward your goals 'now'.

January 17, 2005
7:19 pm
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workinonit
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John, I know this concewpt for living and I thank you for bringing it to my attention.

Rephrase:

I am not calling. I see my goals and know they belong to me. I am successful.

January 17, 2005
7:41 pm
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JohnMurphy
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'I am not calling.'

Perhaps you're still leaving room for the non-existent future. SVO-p makes no reference to time.

It doesn't matter how many times you look at your watch - it's still "now".

January 17, 2005
7:47 pm
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workinonit
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Ok JOhn, I am open to the words.....

Share?

January 18, 2005
1:29 pm
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Workin...after being on threads with you for a couple of months, I think I can safely assess that you will love the SVO-p. Take a look at the website, and maybe run through Sex Drive and Men thread/.

January 18, 2005
1:37 pm
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workinonit
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I'm gonna check it out right now OMW. Thanks for the advice and a question.....what made you come to this conclusion?

January 18, 2005
1:59 pm
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For me, I am tired of the drama, I am tired of not having answers, I am tired of not liking me, and not knowing why, and I am tired of avoiding my feelings. All of these keep me from moving forward. I want to be my best self. I have found that by writing my real feelings, somehow, it has opened doors.
Very simple, for me even Biblical in nature, but this is not a religious thing. I think you will find it interesting and well worth your time.

January 18, 2005
2:05 pm
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workinonit
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Well, OMW, I am on the tribal site reading about FAQ and still not understanding where I am supposed to find Sex Drive and Men thread though I am about to do a search. I'll let you know but feel free to offer something in the way of direction. So far though, I do like what IO am seeing.

January 18, 2005
2:22 pm
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tweety13
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I have identified the pattern in my past relationships. In my relationships the other partner just sits back and lets me do everything to keep the relationship alive. That causes me to be unsatisfied with the relationship because my needs are not getting met. Emotionally I have never been to depend on any of my partners in the past I always had to be strong even though that is not I felt inside. I have been known to cry in the shower to hide my sensitive side. What I don't know is how to break the pattern in future relationships in a constructive way any feedback as how to change the pattern and recognize it before one is to deep in a relationship

January 18, 2005
3:51 pm
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workin, the sex drive & men is here on this website, a thread here. funny.
Look for the glossary index in the link below..it is alphabatized and read about the TTP entry point and process of the SVO-p.

http://www.seykota.com/tribe/G...../index.htm

January 18, 2005
6:57 pm
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JohnMurphy
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"What I don't know is how to break the pattern in future relationships in a constructive way any feedback as how to change the pattern and recognize it before one is to deep in a relationship"

Until you experience all the feelings associated with the situation, the subconscious keeps replaying the drama, to help you get in touch with the very feelings that can set you free.

As you receive/validate/experience your feelings without labels like "bad", "wrong", "negative" they convert from adversaries to your allies.

Perhaps you feel you're 'constricted' by the pattern you identified. Trying to run away from the feelings it arouses propels you around the drama cycle, and the guy keeps appearing, again and again, into a new body.

January 18, 2005
7:37 pm
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workinonit
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But John, how do you focus on this? "I am willing to accomplish this now!"

"This is a drama I am done with now."

"I am focusing on myself and what is important to me."

Ok I tried it. I think I did well!!!!!

January 18, 2005
7:59 pm
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JohnMurphy
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'But John, how do you focus on this? "I am willing to accomplish this now!"

"This is a drama I am done with now."

"I am focusing on myself and what is important to me."

Ok I tried it. I think I did well!!!!!'

Examples of SVO-p:

- I do it;
- I accomplish it;
- I focus on it;

You might experiment with proclaiming something good you wish for yourself, in SVO-p. Then you might proceed by celebrating/validating/receiving all the feelings that the proclamation arouses.

January 21, 2005
10:52 pm
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here.

January 22, 2005
8:37 am
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workinonit
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John, let me try again:

I focus on myself and what is important to me.

There is peace in my life.(replaces the drama sentence)

I accomplished this exercise!

Feedback?

January 22, 2005
8:43 am
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JohnMurphy
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'I focus on myself and what is important to me.'

Yes!

'There is peace in my life.(replaces the drama sentence)'

You might notice your feelings about being in a struggle. Experiencing them fully is the aim of it.

January 22, 2005
8:50 am
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workinonit
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This is a true statement John. AS I go through the recent events in my life I have been looking at why I get into the same thing over and over.

My first husband was very sweet and nice but did not trust, was jealous, resisted my growth and freedom of movement. Hence manipulative and controlling. From this I have realised, I've learned to respond to this behavior through manipulation and control. When in Rome!

I am aware of this and correcting the behavior when it is noticed. Now, I am tring to process a new self discovery. That is, I DO want someone in my life sweet and nice but, self confident enough to live their own lives without constant interaction. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being with my significant other but I love my own time for writing, thinking, artwork, friends, karaoke! etc.

I wait and I process.

January 23, 2005
10:41 am
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JohnMurphy
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"My first husband was very sweet and nice but did not trust, was jealous, resisted my growth and freedom of movement. Hence manipulative and controlling...

I DO want someone in my life sweet and nice but, self confident enough to live their own lives without constant interaction..."

You might notice your feelings about being controlled and manipulated, and also about being in 'constant interaction'.

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