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Passing through a dark cloud
August 29, 2006
8:54 am
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I constantly have thoughts of my ex girlfriend and her daughter. We broke up a year and a half ago and were last intimate about a year ago. She has moved on and I am doing well too. But for the last couple of weeks I have been dreaming about her and wanting to get in contact with her. I have been reading the other threads which do help momentarily. However I am so tempted to send her an email to let her know that even though I havent responded to her emails I do still care about her and her daughter. I guess I need to examine why it is that I want to do that. I can't imagine any good could coming out of emailing her. Is it possible that I hope she responds by saying she misses me and that she wishes she could see me. That is highly unlikely and not very healthly. If she shows any warmth towards me it will just prolong my heartache and slight hope that we would end up together. She could respond negatively for my not responding to her emails. That too would likely sadden me and put me in a foul mood. I guess the smart move is to remain in no contact and to realize I am one of millions of people going through this pain and I will get through it.

August 29, 2006
9:04 am
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risingfromtheashes
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you said "Is it possible that I hope she responds by saying she misses me and that she wishes she could see me".

You hit the nail on the head.

Wishful thinking....that time heals all wounds and that the absence has made her heart grow fonder.

But the reality is, if you go back, the same dysfunction is likely to exist....the same dysfunction that devestated you before.

Stay gone....in the end, you will be doing yourself a HUGE favor....and you won't feel the benefits now....but in the end you will.

August 29, 2006
9:52 am
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CAMER
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don't call, don't email....cuz you'll get back into the "same ol, same ol" as b4.

You have lasted this long, maybe you are lonely, maybe you haven't fully gotten over her yet.

Take this time for you, and not open up a door that has already been closed.

good luck

August 29, 2006
10:47 am
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feelingfree
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Hopeful,

I agree with Rising and Camer 100%.. and would just like to add.. I think what happens to us as we heal, is we also start forgiving. And with forgiveness comes serenity. So we ultimately feel BETTER about ourselves and where we are.. and with that, comes a new sense of confidence. Confidence that we can maybe reach out to that person again and handle the whole relationship better (this time). But I believe that everything happens for a reason.. and people don't change. Getting back in touch with her may start something that shouldn't be started and could ruin how far you've come. You say she's moved on and that you're doing well too. Well, if you're doing well, that's all that matters.. keep going in the right direction ๐Ÿ™‚

August 29, 2006
11:24 am
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Just now I was feeling weak and giving serious thought to sending my ex an email. Instead I retreated back to my thread and got a serious wake up call from your responses. It aint easy.

August 29, 2006
11:34 am
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lovinglife
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Hopeful~

I am too one of the "millions of people going through this pain" and too am working on "I will get through it." It's not easy letting go of someone we loved and still do love.

I did send that email and today is day 5 of no response. I took a chance because for me it was the right thing to do and I was willing to accept whatever the fall out of my actions would cause me. But what one person feels is right for them doesn't mean its right for the next...and it sounds like you have answered your question..."remain in no contact" (where I am at now).

Some thoughts to pass on...don't know if this helps any:

"When weโ€™re in the void, our first impulse will be to revert to old habits because they feel comfortable. Our goal is to hang in there until the change is complete. Knowing that TRANSITIONS ARE PART OF THE CHANGE PROCESS helps us muster the courage to put up with the discomfort, the uneasiness, the void."

LL/Kristine

August 30, 2006
6:28 am
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alycia
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Hopeful, read what feeling free said again, i think it makes alot of sense cause each day the anger and pain lessen and we do begin to forgive but at the same time unless we do forgive we cant begin to heal, thats how it is for me anyway....

I am sorry you still hurt a little, it sucks doesn't it, its been 11 months for me, you have 7 months more up on me and i hope i still dont miss him then haha, shit no ...

I thought there was something wrong with me cause after 11 months i still miss the good times knowing full well he probably has a new woman, doesn't call to ask about his baby...... i am not gonna start hah..

Just wanna offer u some support and say .... i know how you feel and we take these feelings wherever we go but one day we wont hopeful, i know we wont...

Think about all the hearts we have broken, and the people who have broken ours, they are a distant memory now... one day this will be as well...

take care okay

August 30, 2006
12:35 pm
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StronginHim77
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I think I would vote for leaving her in peace.

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