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Partner won't accept their part
July 8, 2007
12:48 pm
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seahorse
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My partner sulks if I don't want sex and is mean and moody. They are also highly critical at times, but they won't accept any responsibility for the problems in our relationship. Its all down to me being depressed and CoDep... Help, its driving me mad and I have ended the relationship over 10 times, but keep going back.

July 9, 2007
10:08 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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if your partner won't "accept his part" why stay?

if you have left ten times or more, but nothing changes, why stay?

The only thing you have control over is YOU...he will allow you to keep coming back as long as you continue to go back.

And because you keep going back, he knows he has the upper hand and can continue with his behaviour - because you will come back.

We teach people how to treat us.

I don't suggest staying away to get him to change...his problems run deep.

I do suggest leaving, once and for all, and sticking to it. It IS an addiction in that you can't give it up easily. So perhaps some counseling or something to help you gain the courage and strength to stay gone.

a codep. anonymous meeting may be helpful, you can look them up at http://www.coda.org...and read codepependent no more or women who love too much for ideas on why you allow this to happen and how to break the cycle.

In the end, if your partner won't budge, the only choice is for you to make a decision and stick to it.

July 9, 2007
11:47 am
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AQueen
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What is so lovable about this man? Ask yourself seriously. Sometimes we get used to the dysfunciton and when we are alone we crave it like an addiction and return to something that's unhealthy but it's familair so we seek it out. Sounds like this man has control issues. The way he is about sex indicts a control issue.

I used to let my ex back into my life over and over again until I started counseling and attending a weekly support group. CODA is a great support group that's free and available in every state. I need the additional support from my counselor and the women in my group to help me stay strong and not let him back in.

I realized that if I took him back things would be exactly the same because nothing had changed. He hadn't sought counseling of any kind. He didn't express a desire to really change. He would blame me for everything all the time. I realized I would never be happy with this man. This man wouldn't change either. You guy will be the same and most likely things will get worst beacuse he knows he has control over you. You need to take your power back. Setting small boundaries is a good start. Pick up the book Codependent No More, it changed my life. It will open your eyes to so much.

So check out some counseling and try a Codependents Anonymous meeting aka CODA meeting this week. Sometimes you have to attend a few until you find one you really like.

AQueen

July 15, 2007
12:27 am
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_anonymous
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His part is being mean and nasty your part is allowing it.

July 15, 2007
8:42 am
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Completely Drained
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I know what it is like to keep going back, especially when they tell you they want you back. And then, the some old stuff keeps happening. I finally left nine months ago. I still fight the feeling. This time he has not said come back, but he still wanted the perks of being married. Nothing changed though. Not even one thing, except me now. I just wanted a normal marriage. Yes they have their problems. He could not handle anything but his own happiness. If that is what it is called. He does not seem happy, or at least I wouldn't be. Hang in there and stick to your own heart. The heart that has been covered up because of his smooth talk and good looks. You are better than that.

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