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parenting advice
June 26, 2006
1:06 pm
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thumkin
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what do you tell someone whose child is at times disrespectful to them. A friend got divorced 2 years ago. thier daughter is 13 now. they have joint custody. From August of last year to the end of may this year she stayed with her dad b/c her mom was always making her go stay somewhere or leaving her home so she could go out. She got to where she didnt even want to talk to her mom on the phone. Mom still does it but now she is putting up money for movies, swimming, clothes etc.etc. Daughter now blows dad off, even left him to go to the movies on fathers day b/c mom offered to take her and pay her and a freinds way in. Dad is really getting his feelings hurt b/c he doesnt have the money to do anything like that for her right now. All the times hes gone to her games, taken her to where she needed to go, and actually been there for her and held her when she cried. I dont know what to say to him when he asks for advice. I know if it was my daughter I would give her a good what for for being so disrespectful, but he is afraid b/c at any time the daughter could start staying with the mom and not talk to him for a year. He doesnt understand why she is acting this way towards him, although a big part of it is because she is spoiled rotten. Sorry for rambling but I would appreciate any advice.

June 26, 2006
1:36 pm
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jastypes
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My best advice is for him to get counseling with his daughter. She's at a tough age. She's been through a lot. Individual counseling for her, or family counseling could make a breakthrough.

June 26, 2006
5:33 pm
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mamacinnamon
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I agree w/ jastypes about the counseling. I know, from bein in the same position w/ my kids....

Mom is good time mom. That is most likely it. She'll play mom for all she can get. My son did this to his father.

Also, it's an attention thing. Every child no matter how awful their parent is has some type connection of wanting acceptance from them. My son got into drugs and such to get the attention from his dad. Bad attention is better than no attention. And on the other hand, if the parent wants to dole out the money the kid is gonna take advantage of it. Specially if she's not been around for a year.

The lack of attention to dad may be her guilt for she knows what's goin on and she knows she's hurting her dad. My son would stay away from me if he does wrong. Also, her dad is her stability. Don't have to worry about or do much w/ stability. She knows her dad will be there no matter what. I'd almost bet you on that one. My son told me that.

I'm not saying she is the same, but it does tend to fit. I only know this after the long talks my son and I have had after the fact.

Tell him NOT to badmouth the mom. That'll only drive her to her. He can put his foot down and use the word NO also. Kids want and need direction; specially from the stable parent.

My thoughts. I want to reiterate the counseling tho.

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