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Panic Attack Due to The Law...
May 31, 2005
12:19 am
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ACryForHelp
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K, well, as I've said befor I'm living with my Father and am dealing with my depression/various other problems but my father won't deal with his and it is finally having consiquences...

He had to put 100% of his money into the company and has just this year started taking a "salary" of $1000.00 a month so the Tax Man won't mess with him but he puts everything off and REFUSES to face reality and file for personal bankrupsy so now there is a guy that keeps ringing the bell every business day!

He has come from 7:00 am all the way to 5:00 pm!!

It is just a Teenie Bopper looking guy so that is why I didn't answer the door but he left a note about how it is a summons for court...

Not an official summons just a note on either a stick-it-note or the 1 was scralled on the back of a piece of Menue!

If he ever left something OFFICIAL I would deal with him but Written on the back of a torn up menue??? WTF?

I am going nuts! I am actually having an anxiety attack just THINKING about "what could happen"...

I am still dependant on him for EVERYTHING! Can he go to jail? I'm getting the Number for the Lawyer (A friend of the family) and get him to fax me the paperwork but I HATE having to PUSH AND PUSH AND PUSH my father because of his Apathy all due to his stress and depression!!

He can not sleep a whole night due to sleepwalking, sleep talking, and restless leg. Not to mention the snoreing!! I think he has sleep apnia (Sorry for the spelling) because he is overweight...

I am not even really sure what I am asking...
Let me ask the questions direct:
1. Can he be arrested because of his debt that he is still Incapable of paying...

2. Any advice on how to get him to face his depression/stress?

He is Male so I don't expect him to go to the doctor WILLINGLY but I am so frustrated with seeing his apathy harming him phsycally, mentally, and Financially!!

Please give advice!

Thanks!

May 31, 2005
6:04 am
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CODA_Mom
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Hey ACry,

Sounds as if you have your hands full there. I am not a lawyer, but do have some experience working with the criminal justice system (within a counseling capacity).

You've asked:

1. Can he be arrested because of his debt that he is still Incapable of paying...

2. Any advice on how to get him to face his depression/stress?

I don't believe that he could be arrested right off, the normal procedure would first be the summons to appear in court. If he does not show up for the hearing, he could be arrested for failure to appear or contempt of court, which would call for his immediate arrest and a short jail term. From all of the hearings that I've gone to thus far, when people could not pay their debts the judge tried to first work out a payment schedule for them with their debtors. He/she could also require mandatory financial counseling.

Debtors do not like going to court because of the time and expense. If there is any way he could meet with them to avoid all of that, I'm sure they would be willing to go for this option.

As far as facing the depression/stress, your dad sounds as if he is going into "avoidance mode" where he is using all of his energy to avoid the issue altogether. Anxiety levels most definitely go up when we take this approach to problems rather than facing them head on.

If he is mentally incapable of dealing with this situation, has he considered giving you power of attorney to handle his financial affairs? Are you up for the challenge? It seems that you are the only one dealing with things, anyway.

By all means, try to get him to a doctor asap for health reasons...I know it must be so hard for you right now. Take some good, deep breaths and take one day (or hour) at a time.

Rather than trying to ignore the dude at the door, face him and tell him you are doing all that you can. If he keeps harrassing you, call the police. Just having them there one time may be intimidating enough to keep him away.

Hang in there, you will get thru this. You can do it, keep telling yourself that you are a capable, intelligent person who is in for a great learning experience!

May 31, 2005
10:41 am
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ACryForHelp
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Hum, well, let me ask this,

I don't "Technically" live here... I'm not on a lease or anything so there is no real record of me here and he HAS been at work 99% of the times that the guy has come... I have a legal right not to answer my door right? I don’t know how many times I’ve gotten people selling stuff or just hitting the button and walking off… He looks like a Pizza guy not a cop!

The stick-it-notes do not look official in ANY way and look more like a joke from a friend than an actual Legal thing.

Does that mean anything? If they left something Official then he would be FORCED to call but something written on a torn piece of menu... That sounds like BS. I know it is serious but come on… The back of a chunk of menu??? WTF Dude?

Also, I had a friend pass through town for a day and a night (She’s in the Army) and she was expecting a package from her husband so I printed up a little label and put it over our name at the door so the FedEx guy would ring the right bell but now there was a note that says "S. Russ will be listed as an alias and peeled the sticker off! Luckily I told my land lord that we were expecting a package so the FedEx guy rang random bells till they got hold of someone and they signed for it! (Cuz the sticker was UNDER the bells so he saw that the name SHOULD have been there)

The guy hasn't rung yet today but I am having an anxiety attack just thinking about it and I don't know why!

Am I really this "Fragile"? GOD!

Well, the good news is that 1 of my father's 2 trucks is now officially paid off and his business partner is inheriting some $$ (sad, but good...) so they are getting a 3rd truck so with any luck my Father, his partner, AND the guy they will have to hire to drive the 2nd truck will ALL be able to start pulling a paycheck in a few months... but till then I just don't know HOW to convince him to just DEAL with this!

He says there is no reason to call them because he has no real income to pay them with and he is scared to go bankrupt because my family keeps making it sound like if he did it would cause Armageddon or something!

The clock is ticking on the new bankruptcy laws kicking in so... Sigh... I'm just scared and confused!

I feel like I’m 8 years old!

Thanks for any advice and for just letting me vent!

May 31, 2005
12:48 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Hey ACry:

CODA_Mom is right about all she said regarding you dad.

To the best of my knowledge from what I remember from working in the law office... unless they put that summons in someone's hand then it is not valid. IF the name on the summons is just your father's then you have the right to refuse to take it based on your name not being involved in the lawsuit.

The dude does sound like a funny little guy.

There is a service that takes the bills you owe and they get things in order for you so you do not have to file bankruptcy. They go thru all your bills and make a plan for paying the bills off according to what you can afford each month. They'll call and make payment arrangements for you so you pay one time monthly to these folks and they in turn pay the bills for you. I'm sure they probably have a fee, but couldn't tell you how much it would be. Just a thought instead of the bankruptcy since it seems to be such a big deal to your dad.

May 31, 2005
2:58 pm
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ACryForHelp
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The problem is that we have no money to pay them...

99% of the money comeing in from the Co. goes Right Back into the Company.

That is why he hasn't gone to the credit help people... You need to PAY the bills...

He is just in avoidence of the situation...

But everything boils down to a total lack of cash! They can't touch the company cuz it is Inc. so he's not afrade of that.

He says that he will call the lawyer today... GOD I hope he does...

May 31, 2005
6:22 pm
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CODA_Mom
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Yes, ACFH,

The stick-it notes do not sound like anything legal. I believe that summons have to be hand-delivered, or even sent certified or registered mail. If he wanted to hand-deliver something that important to your dad, I would think he would use more formal means.

Anxiety is an uncomfortable, panicky feeling and it does not have a specific object. Because you are reacting specifically to the guy at the door, this could be a real fear, just a guess, but could you be fearful of something that the guy represents? Does the panicky feeling leave when he does, or is it constant?

It is ok to feel scared and confused, you are in a very difficult situation. Try to do things to help calm down when things seem overwhelming, e.g., take a hot bath or go for a long walk, watch a calming show on tv or even have a bowl of ice cream (only 1 ;). If you have faith in a HigherPower, then pray.

Vent anytime, we're here for you 🙂

June 2, 2005
9:00 pm
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ACryForHelp
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Well, I guess that the cold, panickie feeling is there just thinking about the guy...I jump at any loud noise thinking that it is the bell but usually just turns out to be a car on the street!

I don't want to think of the feelings as a "Panic atack" because when i get one of those it feels A LOT worse and feels more on the verge of a Heart Attack then just the cold pain in the middle of my stomach.

I get this feeling in the strangest situations...At least THIS GUY is a legitimate reason to be upset...

I get it when I go on Interviews, when I so much as think about going out to meet people, (Cuz I'm TERRIFIED that I'll get involved with anoter Abusive Asshole!) when I think about being forced to go to AZ for Christmas and having to confront my family and play nice while they are condicending and almost insulting about my problems...

Well anyways, the guy hasn't come for a few days and I got hold of our lawyer yesterday and he faxed me the paperwork again so I can get it started...

I don't know what most of the terms mean or what to put where and Joe (Our lawyer... 1st name basis cuz he used to date my aunt...)
is a very busy guy so it will take a LOT of effort to get it done but at least now IT WILL GET DONE!

Thanks for the advice!

Keep your fingers crossed!

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