Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
Painful beginnings
April 1, 2010
8:58 pm
Avatar
godscreation
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well i didn't think I would find myself feeling this kind of pain again due to a breakup that i know was necessary. He moved out this morning after 5years of living together. I didn't cry in front of him but I have an awful ache in my heart. My mind is racing and I cant focus on anything. I feel like calling him and begging him back but yet i know i must let go. Why is it so easy for him? I know this is a chance for a new beginning but i feel so desperate to feel his arms around me again. I can only turn to God for strength not to call him or e-mail him. Any suggestions???

April 1, 2010
10:04 pm
Avatar
dyinginside8
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey I know how you feel, sometimes men act as if they don't care and the reason you miss him is because it was compfort.... Dont call him go out see a movie call a friend get your mind off him.

I had the same problem with my ex and now I am happily marries to a New great guy.. I always told my friends to get over a guy find one you love more.!!! =]
You will be fine think of it as a stepping stone, one step closer to the one man that will never leave you and will alwyas love you. Stay stong girl and do anything, just dont call him, txt him, email him or anything its harder said then done , but you will do great good luck!!!

April 1, 2010
10:12 pm
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

What makes you think it's easy for him?

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

April 1, 2010
11:12 pm
Avatar
dyinginside8
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Whaat do you mean?
do you mean yours or mine?

April 1, 2010
11:13 pm
Avatar
godscreation
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you .... DYINGINSIDE8 for the encouraging words. I deleated his # and i plan on getting a new phone# myself. I have already started reaching out to friends and family. I believe in time things will get better in my life.

Atalose.... the reason i say leaving was easy for him is because we both knew the relationship was toxic but he was the one who said it was over as for me, as crazy as it sounds, i would of stuck it out. He left still talking calmly with me while i fought back the emotions and the desire to scratch his eyes out.

April 2, 2010
8:13 am
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Godscreation, Dyinginside, Atalose and all ACC folks,

You are invited to an open house on the Coffeehouse thread.

We are inviting all ACC members to join us at the coffeehouse this weekend. The Coffeehouse thread is a unique cyber-place to find acceptance and unconditional friendship. A place where anything is possible because everyone who posts contributes to creating this special refuge for everyone to visit and take a moment away from the stresses of our lives. Everyone is encouraged to add to it, all you have to do is stop by and post whatever you want. The only request is that the Coffeehouse be kept a positive and accepting place. Many people write about/create a comfy place or bring a favorite dessert, meal or beverage to share. Sometimes people will share a favorite story or describe a place they would like to visit or have traveled to.

In recent weeks there have only been a few of us posting. This thread is for everyone to enjoy, which is why we are inviting you. We hope to see you there.

April 2, 2010
9:34 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

godscreation -

Now is the time to focus on your recovery. On YOU. If you can manage it, find a solid therapist, psychologist or counselor to help you learn WHY you remained with such a toxic partner. There are reasons. Unless you learn about them, you will simply hook up with -- yet another -- toxic partner, after the grieving is done.

In my own case I learned through therapy that I was codependent. Never having heard the term before, I embarked (with my psychologist's help) on a journey of self-understanding and healing. I would like to recommend some books to you. They will give you something to focus on (besides your ex) while you are "raw" emotionally and battling the temptation to beg him back for more mistreatment.

CODEPENDENT NO MORE by Melody Beattie is excellent. So is HOW TO SPOT A DANGEROUS MAN by Sandra Brown and WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH by Robin Norwood are also easy reads which will give you alot of info. You may see yourself (and your ex) in these books.

Now is the time to break the cycle. Step back and focus only on YOURSELF. The pain WILL fade. You can recover. And remember what the doctor taught me: emotionally healthy people attract emotionally healthy people. Toxic attracts toxic. So, do all in your power to help yourself heal the wounds which caused you to settle for such a toxic jerk in the first place.

And do keep posting. You will make many friends on this site who have been in your shoes and will NOT judge you.

Nearly forgot...while the memories are fresh, WRITE DOWN every single, painful, cruel, harsh, hurtful thing this ex ever said or did to you. WRITE IT ALL DOWN. Every time you are tempted to remember only the "happy" moments and want him back, read that list...OUT LOUD. Or post it here. Sometimes, getting it down in black & white helps us enormously.

- Ma Strong

April 2, 2010
11:48 am
Avatar
Hepburn
Los Angeles, California
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 104
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((godscreation)))

You didn't mention why the breakup was necessary. Was he abusive? 5 years (in my book anyway) is a long time to be living together.

April 2, 2010
11:51 am
Avatar
Hepburn
Los Angeles, California
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 104
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hit send too soon.

Most men don't or won't show their emotion in front of anyone. Even other men.

April 4, 2010
11:30 pm
Avatar
godscreation
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well I had 3 investigators show up at my doorstep 2days ago with a search warrant to search my house. My ex had just moved out the previous day. They took my computer for evidence against him. He was arrested that monrning in a small town 8 hours away. He apparently had been chatting online while I was at work. They made plans to meet,she turned out to be a 12 year old child. He had the nerve to call me collect from jail today. Of course I didn't answer the phone but I am in complete shock. How could I live with this man for 5 years and not know that side of him????? He was very selfish and a big flirt but I could not see a clue of having a thing for young children. I was dealing with the relationship ending but this has left me confused and betrayed. I cant wrap my head around it.

April 5, 2010
6:24 am
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

he is a monster, and you didn't see this side of him, he hid it well, now he will pay the ultimate price.

I am sure others will post good advice for you on this topic.

Don't beat yourself up cuz of the things he did, and things you didn't see, a person like himself has sneaky, manipulative ways of hiding things and thats exactly what he did, was hide alot of things.

(((((hugs your way))))

April 5, 2010
12:14 pm
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Whoa. This is HUGE. My heart really goes out to you. I can't actually wrap my own mind around such a situation, never having been in your shoes. I can only imagine the shock and pain which you are suffering.

I am so glad that he had just moved out. It would have been far harder for you, if he still lived with you when all of this hit.

Never having read much about pedophiles or child predators, I know very little about how they operate. Many of the posters on these threads, however, HAVE been molested (or preyed upon) as children. Hopefully, some of them will respond to this post and give you some firsthand support & encouragement.

I would imagine he was sociopathic. Absolutely incapable of empathy for the children upon whom he preyed. Is there any way you can get into support counseling right away, while you are trying to digest this horrible news? This is not your "run-of-the-mill" crisis. NO ONE expects to ever encounter such a nightmare and -- statistically -- most of us won't. But you really need and deserve alot of help right now. Your head must be SPINNING. I know mine would be.

Looking back, are there any "red flags" which you might have overlooked during the past 5 years, indicative of lacking empathy or demonstrating an inability to sustain normal, mature relationships with other adults? Or really bad dynamics with his parents/family? A history of being molested, himself, as a child?

Again, I hope you can connect with some professional support to help you through this ordeal.

- Ma Strong

April 5, 2010
12:57 pm
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

godscreation,

My heart also goes out to you, I am so so sorry you are going through this. I can’t imagine wrapping my head around it other then to be thankful he is not in your life anymore.

I think the one thing you need to try and focus on is, YOU DID NOT cause HIS behavior and that most pedophiles (if he is one) hide it so well that people would never know or have a clue to what they are doing.

I would strongly suggest you find some counseling sooner then later to help you sort this all out.

Please keep posting and venting all those feelings that are over whelming right now. Allot of great people here to offer tremendous support to you.

(((godscreation)))

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

April 5, 2010
3:09 pm
Avatar
godscreation
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

StroginHim and Camer....... thank you for your responses. Thinking back these few days I now understand why at times things didn't feel right. He did come from a family where he was physically abused many years by his step father and sexually abused by his grandfather. He informed me of his history in the very beginning. I made it clear to him that cheating, physical abuse, porn or anything that was unclean sexually I would not tolerate ever. My ex-husband had put me through hell with these things and I didn't feel I could trust another man. I told him I would not be able to handle that kind of betrayal again. Of course he gave me his word he would not hurt me this way. His mother passed away 9 months ago of cancer and I could see him changing while her illness was progressing. When she passed away I saw a different person coming out and I was loosing the person I fell in love with. He fell in a deep depression and was in therapy and on medication. He lost his job and then had all this free time on his hands. I felt like I was living with a stranger. Out of the blue he purchased a cell phone and the texting began. All along he had no friends so I knew it had to be another woman. I told him to pack his crap and get out! For the first time he agreed, and left from one day to the next. I realize I was blessed he went to meet the child after he moved out but I just don't understand it all. Maybe I never will but I do know I will move on with my life. Again thank you all for your support and feedback.

April 6, 2010
11:17 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It would probably be a wise idea to seek out appropriate counseling/therapy from a medical professional. This is the SECOND relationship in which you have found yourself put through hell.

For most of us that means a pattern of gravitating towards toxic/unhealthy partners exists. And it is very important that you find out WHY you gravitate towards them, or it will continue. Now is the time to seek some understanding as to WHY you pick these men. It is NOT an "accident" or a "coincidence." Definitely, seek and find the answer.

- Ma Strong

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
26
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111165
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
anissafield, Aemorph, CaitlynForlong, AndrinNetzer, MaarcusPedersen, MarcusPedersen
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information