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Pain over rejection from my best friend
May 22, 2005
11:36 pm
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morning girl
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I work with my best friend that I have known for over 5 years now and I recently started to develop feelings for him. Recently, things are bad at work and I feel so needy. I told him how I felt. I thought we felt the same thing, now he says he wants to be fair to me and he is deciding if he wants to be in a relationship with me. I feel so rejected. I risked it all and left a relationship for him, well actually my ex wants me back, but I am tired of the abuse and want something better. I guess I put too much hope that this new relationship would work out. But now I sit home alone, rejected and I just want the pain to go away from losing my friend. Since now he wont speak to me after I told him how I felt and says he'll call back but I know he won't. Why did I screw everything up?

I recently found out that my position at work is going to be cut. Now I was going though that crisis and I put myself into another. I feel like I am losing everything that I have had in the last five years, my job, my work friends, my best friend. I feel like I am so alone and lost it all at once. I am crying all week and no one is there to hear or see me. Now I have to return to work tomorrow and face losing my job and my pain and embarrassment in front of my friends at work. How should I act at work?

May 23, 2005
12:36 am
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Randomwomen2
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hun i am so sorry you are going through all of this. i realy dont know what to say but i think when you go to work you should act like nothing happend. And your bestfriend will come around even if he is not intrested in a romantic realtionship he will mostlikely be there as a friend

May 23, 2005
12:47 am
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Morning Girl,

Just because your honesty with your best friend didn't result in a romantic relationship, don't let it stop you from doing the same in the future.

Relationships blossom from friendships all the time, and you certainly were no fool in hoping that this could maybe happen with yours. I know it sounds like a cliche, but it happened to me more than once and they were good guys- definitely worth the chance because I lucked out. So don't beat yourself up. You don't need that on top of the disappointment and hurt of missing a friendship. When things like that don't work out we have to give ourselves a chance to recover. It all feels like a judgement against you, but I'm sure it's more complicated than that. Maybe he feels he is the rebound guy and that you are not over your ex?

Feel good about yourself that you were able to assert your feelings. Many people would have been too afraid.

hugs,
ella

May 23, 2005
8:36 am
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CODA_Mom
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Hey morning girl,

I agree with ella, if you didn't take a risk you would never know. That's how it goes with relationships. To tell the truth, you were not out of your bounds in trying, either, as you've known this person for 5 years.

Somewhere I remember reading that the Chinese symbol for "crisis" is actually a combination of two symbols, the other being "opportunity". That really stuck with me because crises in our lives are actually opportunities in disguise. They force change, which most of us hate. Change can be a very good thing, and yes, can open up opportunities in different directions that we may not have sought out otherwise.

If you are not attached to someone, you have the opportunity to follow your dreams, your goals, and they don't depend on prior commitments. If you don't have any dreams or goals now is the time to think about what you want for your life.

You will grieve for the "what ifs" and "shoulda beens", but try to be firm with yourself and not stay stuck there when it's time to move on.

Blessings & hugs,

CM

May 23, 2005
11:37 am
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revelation
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yeooowww, this happened to me before, it really stings doesn't it? Its a hard one, cuz when u are good friends with someone they tend to relax about around you and maybe them being so comfortable with you can come across incorrectly, thats how you get those mixed signals. In my case, we actually managed to still remain good friends and now when I see him I can't help but think....Omigod we are soooo wrong for each other. I have a feeling that if we had hooked up, I probably would have lost interest fairly soon after, he is a very attractive guy and very nice and kind but there is no magnetic chemistry there at all the way there is with my BF (Who by the way I was friends with for 7 years before we got together). I would put this all down to experience chick......if you are good friends then he'll probably let you lick your wounds for a while and then come back around. Just don't stress too much over this, it happens all the time.

May 23, 2005
1:17 pm
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kathygy
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Try not to take it personally. He may have issues around relationships and intimacy that have nothing to do with you. You don't know what's really going on with him so don't jump to the conclusion that there's something lacking in you. Rather think about all the positive things you have to offer. I'm sure there's a lot.

When you go to work just stay connected to yourself and focus on the work. Work on creating a loving relationship with yourself. When you have your own love you're not dependent on how other's feel or act towards you. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you love you no matterwhat. Do this several times a day and you will begin to feel the love.

May 23, 2005
4:35 pm
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morning girl
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Thank you so much for all the support and kind words. this is the first time i have used this site and it really helps to hear from all of you.

Just an update, my best friend did call me today and said he fell asleep on the couch last night that is why he didn't call! He told me he really likes me and started telling me all the things he likes about me. I just sat there and was shocked because I don't know whether to feed into this or think he is playing with my emotions.

I just got out of a relationship with my ex who keeps trying to suck me back into a relationship with him and I really want something else and I know my best friend cares about me, but I am afraid of hurting him like I did my ex. I get so upset when others aren't happy with me and I shut down. I think I just jump from relationship to relationship because I feel so needy and don't want to be alone.

So what should I do about this fickle friend? I know myself and I will jump into it head first because it feels so good. Why can't I stop this feeling of always needing someone else?

May 23, 2005
5:32 pm
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glittered when he walked
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Morning girl,

What do you think you should do? How does it make you feel? How does it make you feel to be desired by your former best-friend? If he didn't desire you, should you feel rejected?

as for "why can't I stop the feeling of always needing someone else" let's rephrase that so we don't predetermine out behavior. what if instead you said " do I feel like I need someone else, why and how often do i feel that way?"

I think once you work out if you feel like that and why you feel that way, then you can then work on not feeling that way.

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