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Overwhelmed poem....gg
February 28, 2007
10:15 am
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ggfred4
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So nervous...want to run...away to freedom...anywhere else.

Want to forget...go back and start over...know that is not realistic...must change.

Why I have these needs...I do not know...unattainable...must change.

So confused...never answers...must simplify...thoughts in my mind.

Afraid of help...afraid they will know...the real me...who is that?

Have to find out...Have to start...must change...to discover the heart.

February 28, 2007
11:00 am
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bevdee
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(((Rouxlady)))

Something came to me just now- reading this.

You said "Afraid of help...afraid they will know...the real me..."

After I wrote about my molestation, I felt the same way. Now- In a post afterward, I expressed the same sentiment. That exact same fear.

I am starting to see that my fear was not them but me. I believe it will be ok for me to know the real me. It will take a while, Miss Rouxlady, but it will be ok.

Let it come.

February 28, 2007
11:04 am
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ggfred4
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bev, I think you are right about the fear being about me, knowing the real me. Right now, what I am seeing, I do not like. I hope that is not the real me. Thank you for taking your time to post to me. I appreciate it very much...

February 28, 2007
11:14 am
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gg,

I really feel the internal conflict in your words. I think many of us fear that we will be abandoned should someone figure out who we REALLY are! I know I do.

The truth is that in my heart and soul, I am a GOOD person... should someone get to know WHO I am, they will see my goodness. I see your goodness too, gg.

You are struggling to find your place in this world... just like all of us. You are reaching out for help and NOBODY can fault you for that!! You are struggling, but remember that you innate "goodness" is always there and THAT is what shines through. Believe that!!!!

Much love,

TC

February 28, 2007
11:23 am
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bevdee
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GG

Did you ever get to read the post where I shared with Tez about the molestation? I realise that it might have been kind of difficult for you to read, but from some of his posts following,I was able to see some things. You might be able to take something from the following conversations.

I wanted to share something else with you. I have my first appointment with a new therapist next Wednesday. Since I released all those memories last week and worked through some of the emotion, I have not been feeling wretched this week, so in the last couple of days there have been these conversations in my head- scared Me trying to rationalise not going and tenacious Me trying to convince myself to go forward. I vascillate back and forth.

February 28, 2007
11:29 am
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Amen, tc!

GG,here's a mantra for you to chant:

I believe in the real, totally loveable me.

<<<< GG >>>>>

February 28, 2007
11:32 am
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ggfred4
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tc,what you wrote is EXACTLY what I believe. Gosh, it is nice to feel understood. That is what I cherish about this site.

Bev, Right now I am not recalling that thread, but I will go look for it and read it; hope I can find it. I wish you the best at your therapist next week. Let me know how it goes, okay?

February 28, 2007
11:33 am
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bevdee
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GG- on Libs, it's "weird questions".

February 28, 2007
11:42 am
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ggfred4
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Brynnie, crossposted..thankyou!!

Bev, going to read...thanks...

February 28, 2007
12:44 pm
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ggfred4
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Bev, it took me awhile to read; you have really amazed me this last month; you have poured your soul here. Tez's response to your statement on sexual imprint was very interesting. It has given me a lot to think about and I think it explains some of my fears and thoughts. Thank you for sharing...

February 28, 2007
1:53 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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(((GG)))

I love you my sweet sister. You are NEVER alone.

Mich

February 28, 2007
2:03 pm
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ggfred4
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Thank you michy...just having a low day...it will pass...love you girl!

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