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Overdosed and can't take much more
October 23, 2010
12:00 am
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tryingtoheal..
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October 23, 2010
12:00 am
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tryingtoheal..
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I
overdosed and ended up having my body flushed and I still feel
there is no point in trying anymore. I just want to give up. I'm
tired of struggling just to get by. I don't know what the point in
trying is. I've spent the last eight years trying to just be
okay.

I was sexually
molested for three years and then kept it a secret for five,I have
final disclosed tthat I was abused and he is in prison. But he
still had control over me and idk how much more I can
handle

any support would
be super helpful T2H

October 23, 2010
12:00 am
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chelonia mydas
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((((T2H))))

You can recover
from being molested. It takes a lot of work and effort and
persistance and patience but it can be done.

Please seek
counseling from a counselor that you are comfortable with. I have a
hard time finding counselors I feel comfortable with because of my
abuse. I tell them that in the beginning and it is normal for me to
go through several until I find one that works.

Please seek
counseling. Making fatal decisions about your life is the surest
way to ensure your abusers win. You are worthy of this life and you
have the ability and strength and stamina to heal.

Please post to let
us know you are OK. We care for you veru much.

October 23, 2010
12:00 am
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tryingtoheal..
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I
have an amazing counselor who i've been seeing for 1
1/2.

He is in prison
but still has soo much control over me and my life. I can't handle
it =(

I'm trying to hang
on.

thanks chelonia
mydas I appreciate the support

October 23, 2010
12:00 am
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.
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I am
sorry for you hurting Tryingtoheal.

October 24, 2010
12:00 am
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innerturmoil
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Missy~~~ what in the world r u doin??? what has caused u to get
here now? i thought u were doin better

what did u od on?
(if i might ask) and why in the world did u do it?

i thought things
were gettin some better (with him in prison and all)

i am worried now,
i guess u had to go2 the hospital.... i need to come there and set
u strait woman!! 🙂 i feel like kinda a 'mom' to u and i didnt even
know this happened when did it happen, i knew u cut but i didnt
know this... im worried bout u now, what has got u to this point
did something else new happen?

i thought ur
therapy was goin good and u r in school, i guess u r still
babysitting and playing sports..

i guess maybe it
just gets 2 much sometimes but dont ever ever do that again please,
i would miss u to much---the world would miss u to much--- I love u
and ur family/friends love u

i thought bout
suicide when i was in highschool cause i was a 'nerd' but i got
thru it..

U ARE A STRONG
young woman and u have helped so many people with putting him away
dont ever forget how special u are!!!!!

(((((((Missy))))))

October 24, 2010
12:00 am
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innerturmoil
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PS: U
R NOT A NERD just sayin i was in hs and that was the main reason
and i was depressed also :/

love
U!!

October 24, 2010
12:00 am
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innerturmoil
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o yea
forgot.. why do u say he still has control over u ...

u r free from him
and all other children r free from him thanks to u!!!!

please let us know
ur ok..

October 24, 2010
12:00 am
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not over it
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I let
my abuser have control over me to. I have been where you are. I
felt I would never be happy, like I don't fit in, the way I deal
with men I learned from him. My social discomfort, everything I am
or I lack is from him. Even mistakes I made after him. I was a
cutter, I tried to kill myself. I didn't believe in therapists
because I told mine while I was being abused and he said he knew it
upset me so we didn't need to talk about it- because he didn't want
to report it I'm sure. I am finally able to be mad,and to blame him
instead of me, most of the time. I have always Worked with people
who are developmentally delayed but I think one of the most healing
(but still heartbreaking) things for me was working in the
childrens psych ward of the hospital. Most of my kids have been
abused. I can see myself differently because of the way I see them.
I can look at these kids and see that they are babies, not capable
of making the decisions we had to make. We only thought we had a
say so. I found out I could really relate to my kids, I knew what
they were feeling and express to them things they were to ashamed
to say. They taught me therapy does work. I guess what I am trying
to say to you is to find peace for myself I had to find a reason
why this happened. A way to use it. Oddly enough I can now at times
be almost thankful for my abuse, or at least the knowledge it gave
me. It doesn't always work, especially when I think to hard but I
try not to get wrapped up in it. Baby don't let him win.
(((((((Missy))))))))

I send you much
love.

Olivia

October 25, 2010
12:00 am
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ailes
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Your
attempted suicide because of what he has done to you shows that he
does still have control over you. The guy is a LOSER: do you want
to kill yourself for someone so worthless?

Please try to free
yourself from him.

October 25, 2010
12:00 am
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dudeguy
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tryingtoheal, what your going through only means that you are
making progress. moving from one step to a higher one where you
will need something new, sth different, new knowledge and power,
and guess what more freedom.

Unfortunately the
pain of abuse or codependency does not wash white quickly, it takes
a long time, but im hoping eventually it will throughly heal. Use
your pain as a sign that you need to move on, need something more.
Pain will come even when you overcome this tme around, but the
thing to know is your getting better all the time.

take
care.

October 26, 2010
12:00 am
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caraway
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Trying,

Please keep
trying! I have been through this and felt so low at times that I
thought there was no way out but to end it; I was wrong and now I
can't imagine why I ever allowed anyone to have so much control
over me.

This is really
about choice, you have to forgive yourself. I held on to this part
of me that continued to harbor feelings that I could have, should
have, gone to someone and made it stop. I tried to apply what the
adult me would do today, and forgot that I was an abused young
person. I forgot that I had been abused since I was very young when
this started and some level I liked some of the attention; I felt
guilty, shamed, and somehow responsible; I wasn't, and you
aren't.

You have to look
at yourself in the mirror and tell that little wounded person
inside there that you forgive her, and that she didn't do anything
wrong. Let this go by saying to yourself, the Universe (your Higher
Power), and us if it will help, that you release this and set it
free; that this man no longer has any control over you and cannot
hurt you ever again (in prison or not).

Each day that you
allow this to alter your life and happiness, you allow him to have
power. It is as easy deciding to put an end to it, and that isn't
by ending your life....

Cary

October 26, 2010
12:00 am
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truthBtold
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((((((T2H))))))

I can't add
anything more than what has already been said....so here's a big
ole bear hug just for you:

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{T2H}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

October 26, 2010
12:00 am
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Paws4peace
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BIG
HUG!!!

I agree with not
over it.. You might want to seek a situation where you can use your
pain to aliviate others. A situation where the terribleness can be
of some worth. A situation where you don't feel like the little
one, the one who needs help, but instead where you can feel like
the authority, the one who can be the help.

Maybe you are not
in a situation where you can easily do this, maybe if you talk to
your counselor about it in a different way than you have talked to
him or her about it before. Maybe you can talk about it as if his
or her individual and career life would be improved from the
knowledge and experience that only you have. Like they would be
able to help more beautiful people like you if they knew how you
felt.

Make yourself the
authority, the source of knowledge, not the other way around
because you know so much more than I can even try to wrap my head
around and I feel like although it would be so hard to feel the way
you do, I so wish I could understand better so I could love you
even more. you have so much to teach the world and ONLY YOU can
share what you know. Knowledge is the power to love with more
depth. Even painful knowledge brings the most powerful love. If you
can just understand how truly indespensable you are to the world
and us here on this site, you can find your purpose, and then
become motivated to start truly living again. I KNOW you can!! I
BELIEVE IN YOU WITH MY WHOLE HEART!!!

Love,
Paws

October 26, 2010
12:00 am
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truthBtold
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OMG -
I'm sorry if it seems like I am intervening here....

I just have to
say....(and not keep quiet about)...that I am just so utterly
awe-struck as to the out pouring of GENUINE love and comcern and
support expressed here...that it brings tears to me eyes and
goosebumps to my skin!

THIS IS...RIGHT
HERE AND NOW....an on-line support group....currently operating at
its very peak best!!!!

(While it maybe
that this site has experienced its ups and downs over the
years...truly...the path, the ENERGY, the SINCERITY and
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE expressed by others that I feel it is on now can
be deemed second to none.)

I know, I for one
am the much better for it just now.... in just simply WITNESSING
this incredible outreach of support now being exuded, shared and
expressed....that it simply warms my heart all the way
around.

(((((TO
ALL)))))

Together....we
WILL make it through!!!!!

October 26, 2010
12:00 am
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Paws4peace
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Amen.
Together.

October 27, 2010
12:00 am
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truthBtold
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T2H,

How are you
doing?

October 28, 2010
12:00 am
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tryingtoheal..
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Hey
everyone. Thank you for all your words of wisdom. I'm doing okay..
shaky but okay. Wow Thank you everyone who shared that you've
overcame your abuse. it truly does help.

I guess right now
I'm just struggling to see that things will get better.

But with all your
support I definitely feel like things will start getting
better.

It just hit me
really hard that he still has control over me. I have been dealing
with this for eight years.. almost nine and I feel like he still
has just as much control over me.

(((hugggs)))

October 29, 2010
12:00 am
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not over it
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October 13, 2010
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It is
so hard to feel like you have regained control. It has been more
than half my life ago and I still struggle. I find myself doing
things my abuser wouldn't allow me to do. I cut my hair every two
weeks because he wouldn't "allow" me to back then. Funny thing is I
like long hair. I got tattoos, which is against our religion but I
figure so is child molestation and he is still welcomed with open
arms so why not. Sometimes I like to be rebellious because
I'm...angry (I really don't know what I am) but I want to own
myself again. I just have to be careful that I'm not doing more
harm than good to myself. To me talking here, out loud, was so hard
but liberating because I can and he can't stop me. You are stronger
than you know for making him pay and for talking with us. You are
an inspiration for people like me who didn't know they were strong
enough get justice. I know how it feels to not be able to wrap your
brain around this. I wils you peace.

Olivia

November 2, 2010
12:00 am
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tryingtoheal..
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Thank
you Olivia. That is exactly right. It is hard to realize at the
moment if it is harming me more or not and if I'm doing it just to
feel like i have power and a say on what I do.

November 2, 2010
12:00 am
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not over it
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I
hope it gets better for you. It sucks the way one person can change
everything.

November 2, 2010
12:00 am
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tryingtoheal..
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It
really does. and It feels like it will not get better. I know that
my life will never be what it should have been. And I will Always
struggle with the abuse. I am just so tired of it consuming my
whole life. there is never a moment where it is not on my mind.
Honestly, Is it always going to consume every moment of my
life?

November 2, 2010
12:00 am
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innerturmoil
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omg
... Missy... im so sorry this is not any better...

i know u were on
some sort of medication... r u takin any anxiety/depression meds
now?

I hope u can do
something to get ur mind off of it... (I dont think i was abused)
if i was i really blocked it out of my mind .. sometimes i think i
mightve seen alot of things i shouldnt have seen at a very young
age tho..

I know u and know
ur story and i m worried about u .you dont sound like
yourself...

please dont do
anything crazy to urself you are too special and sweet and smart I
just know u can get thru this,, the hardest part is behind u
already... member? just think of how many other kids u helped by
comin forward and what a very special person u are, and that the
world needs people like you in it!!

what about ur best
friend and school.. hows that goin? u need to focus on yourself and
your future...

are u plannin on
goin 2 college? do u know what u wanna do 'when u grow up'?... im
old and i still dont know ..lol

what about your
hobbies/sports.? im just really worried about u.. there is really
NOTHING that takes your mind off it?

love and prayers
((((((Missy))))))

November 2, 2010
12:00 am
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tryingtoheal..
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hey
Inner I wrote to you on the other thread that you
started.

I'm on depression
meds. tomorrow I'm going to see my med doctor to look at the
options.

I don't feel like
myself. I'm suspended for ten days because it happened in school. I
go back this coming Monday. My best friends are good.

Yes I want to go
to college and I want to be a therapist.

Nothing can take
my mind off of it.

November 2, 2010
12:00 am
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innerturmoil
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Missy, if u r on Paxil get off it and get off it
asap..

it is horrible, my
h was on it and almost committed suicide until he switched off
it..

i dont like any of
those meds.. have u tried like one xanax / day or something or when
u really need some? that might help...

i dont like those
depression meds, they make me 2 wierd and not myself at
all...

aw im sorry u were
suspended, what happened, the overdose? .. sorry bout that.. i wish
i could come there and keep u company! 🙂

my son could come,
he cheers anybody up! but if u r on paxil, trust me it is that and
u need 2 b off it.. really ALL of those depression meds have a
warning for teenagers that it gives a high risk of suicide, so
please talk to ur dr soon! (u said u r goin 2 i know)... i just
want u to b better, r u still seein ur therapist??

good ur goin bak 2
school soon>

((((((Missy))))))

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