Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
outside thoughts
July 16, 2013
4:37 am
Avatar
wondering2012
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 33
Member Since:
July 15, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i was married for 22 yrs, recently divorced was seperated and with another man. my ex was severly hateful towards me, i had over 400 emails from him calling me every name in the book and how a terrible mother i was and how i was just like my mom and choose a guy over my daughter. when divorce was final i cried for 2 days, ex started talking to me again and i started puhing the other guy away.. i dnt know why i did because he was amazing in every way possible, attentive, good listener, hard worker, was nice to my children, even though daughter hated him, we was an actual team side by side in everythig that needed to be done with the house work from sweeping to laundry. i ended back with my ex because the other guy and i got into a huge arguement and he walked out. we have been apart since oct of 2012. i have talked with him since them but was almost 2 months before i did. i find myself always thinking about him and missing him, i miss everything we had and the way he treated me and made me feel. everything with h was amazing when we was together. everythig with my ex is so blah boring nothing team oriented, i cook, alone, pay bills alone i take care of everything. trying tonhabe a conversation with him is like pulling teeth. hes always telling me he loves me 5-10 times a day. i want to so be with the other guy but affraid to leave because of the hell i went thru before and the pain i caused people, but want to be happy my friends tell me my kids are old enough they will come around and i deserve to be happy..can anyone give an inside? ask questions if u want more information.

July 16, 2013
11:48 am
Avatar
2013ways
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 431
Member Since:
January 8, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Whatever problems you had that caused you to leave this guy are still there and need to be resolved.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 16, 2013
12:27 pm
Avatar
wondering2012
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 33
Member Since:
July 15, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

he wont talk with me about the past, he says te past is in the past and thats where it stays to leave it alone,thats the ex husband, the ex bf we have talked about everything that happened and what went wrong and where we went wrong and everything is settled between us.

July 16, 2013
1:36 pm
Avatar
onedaythiswillpass
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1134
Member Since:
January 18, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lucky you!  I would rush to be with the bf.  Forget the ex husband.  If he does not want to try to at least resolve past issues, then f-him!

July 16, 2013
2:41 pm
Avatar
wondering2012
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 33
Member Since:
July 15, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

to everyone reading i wish i could write a novel and tell everything that happened between us, i am not saying inwas an angel i had my faults also, how can you tell someone is codependent? i sometimes wonder if that is my ex husband. he does not tolerate change at all everythin in his world always stays the same and if it doesnt he has a sense of loss feeling.

July 16, 2013
3:10 pm
Avatar
2013ways
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 431
Member Since:
January 8, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

wondering,

You can start writing your novel here and I'll read it. I have no idea what any one is or isn't I'm still trying to figure out my issues.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 16, 2013
3:33 pm
Avatar
2013ways
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 431
Member Since:
January 8, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Here is a link that might help answer your quesitons about co dependency http://www.webmd.com/sex-relat.....lationship

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 16, 2013
4:21 pm
Avatar
wondering2012
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 33
Member Since:
July 15, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i married when i was 17 he was 19 pregnant 2 weeks after the fact always had to beg him to stay home and spend time with me, but always seemed like hunting fishing everythig else was more important. going to see my ibgyn was living hell, he couldnt understand why another man was having to touch his wife esecially f down in that area, could not make him see he was a dr and that was his job. everytime i seen the dr e had to go with me then we would leave and sit in the car and he would have to touch me down there to make aure i remembered what he felt like. 8 months later another child was came along i was dredding the fact of having to go thru all the drs visits again, but this time he disnt want any part of it, said it would just piss him off to much to be there. after second child came our sex life dropped to almost nothing, i was tired all the time trying to work a full time job and take. are of a house and 2 small children alone while he was out having fun doing what ever he wanted. he strted accusing me of sleeping with every male i was around, i worked in law encorcement so thats all i was hardly ever around, he fig i wasnt giving it up at home i was giving it to someone else. then here comes number 3 child. he lost his job and went army full time things seemed to be great it was me and him depending on each other he got stationed over seas and we was allowed to go with him. so me and my 3 lil boys traveled alone by plane to a forei g country to arrive and no husband waiting. 4 hours late but did show up. later find out that he had. heated on me while we was back in the states which 3 yrs had passed from the time he did it. so it didnt effect me to much it hurt but it was done with. then bei g you g and wanti g to plz my husband we started talkig about " if we had a chance to sleep with a friend who would we choose" needless to say wrong conversation to have. he wanted to sleep with my friend who was a mexican, because he grew up to stick " with your own kind" and the only friend i knew he had was the one i mentioned. well it happened i made it happen for him because thats what he wanted i couldnt be in the room i was watch out for her husband and i was 7 months pregnant with #4 i could hear them in our bed moaning and such, but again i dealt with the pain cuz thats what he wanted and i did it to make him happy. heset it up with his friend for me but it had to be both of them, i tried to get out of it and told my husband i didnt want to do this and his reply was " face it baby yourfucked" i did not enjoy it no feelings or emotions involved. to make a long story short he has slept with 9 of my 10 female friends plus a couple of males that idk who they are. yes i was stupid and agreed to this because this is what he wanted and it made him happy. i found happiness talking to men on the internet when it came out, i was introduced to a whole new world and opened doors. i liked the attention they made me feel special, which i necer got at home from the person i was suppose to get it from. i never met any of them just strictly talk. i had got an opportunity for an awesome job and took it and shit again hitthe fan. we was arguing constantly i was sleeping sith this one or that one and just on and on. i finally did leave but just moved across town, which is not that big of a town so not far enough. that whole situation was crazy got mixed up with the wrong person and just bad all the way around i tried to end it with him and he shot himself, by some miracle he did not die he pulled out of it. husband and i ended back together to this day idk how we packed up and moved out of state to try and save the marriage. the fighting stopped but i was still accused of sleeping talking anything to every tom, dick. and harry, but i wasnt i was worki g 3 jobs to make ends meat till he could find one then i was always home. no romance no passion no nothing in the bed except jump on grt it done. but i skipped a part after he got out of the army and we came back state side we was back maybe 1 yr 2 at the most he had a full blown affair on me, i kept feeling something in my stomach about one person and he said no just friends. well i later found out i was right, again i stayed. this past blow up which brought the final divorce was a tually stupid but everything building and came to a head it was my birthday i was trying to get my car i went and got on my own, you would think this day was about me, but no he was trying to make it about him how i wasnt wanti g to spend time with him and how i was avoiding him and him him him. well i moved out this time a different town, still not far enough he would t leave me alone kept calli ge kept comi g ad. seeing me would jot give me the space i asked for, thats how i met the ex boyfriend. we had become friends online before i had left and my husband knew about him, but when i left we took it one step further wanted to see where things would go. first we didnt hit it off that great but was very nice i was shallow and was basing things by his looks, which was sooo stupid on my side. i stepped back and rethought things and approached it again with him and got to know him on a very deep personal mental level which made me fall in love with him. but again i some how ended up back with the husband i did. ot end my friendship with the ex boyfriend we just remained friends and again the husband knew about it but i was contantly being accused of cheating and this and that and the other, but never did. he was married and having his own issues we were just best friends. then his wife got in touch with my husband and was telling him all minds of things about us having an affair togther and meeti g up to have sex and so on, which we never did he lived like 4 hrs away from me, we met once and that was it and no sex happened. so when shit hit the fan again i left and did what we was being acccused of. we was together and it was amazing as lo g as everyone else, mainly my now exhusband and daughter would leave me alone. i had no house no money i was not taking my daughterfro
her home and school she was a sr and did not want to start ober and i understood that and wanted her to be happy and k ow she was safe and in a stable home,but yet im a horrible parent. all the pressure from everything around us eventuallye and the bf broke up and again im back with the ex husband. i am not happy i feel empty and contantly think ofthe ex bf. i did not co tact him for 2 mknths trying to let him go but i could t stand it any more he has a now 4 th new gf and we talk when we can..we have discussed all the wron things that happened and apologized for the night it all blew up and wished we could take it all back because we both know we would still be together..thats the shortest version i could give ask any questions and i will answer

July 16, 2013
8:54 pm
Avatar
2013ways
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 431
Member Since:
January 8, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

That is quite a story. Thank you for sharing. Did you get a chance to read that article on codependency? If you did I would like to hear your thoughts on it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 16, 2013
9:33 pm
Avatar
wondering2012
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 33
Member Since:
July 15, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

sorry, not yet but i definately will. i was at work and got a migrain from writting and thinking about everything i wrote and asked myself wth am i doing here. i need to do what one day said and pack my stuff and run and dont look back, just now waiting fir the right time to do so.

July 16, 2013
9:36 pm
Avatar
2013ways
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 431
Member Since:
January 8, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

That sounds like a good plan to me. Let me know how it all works out.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 17, 2013
6:55 am
Avatar
wondering2012
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 33
Member Since:
July 15, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

ocean,

wow! i read thr article, and if im understanding it right that soo fits me. i read everything i wrote and read the article and i did put my relationship above everything else in my life, i did everythig i could to make him happy regardless of my feelings for me or how it made me feel, i have noticed i do it with my daughter. she is 18 and lives her life the way she wants and is happy and i support her for it, but when it came to me being happy and having what i wanted that made me happy she hated him and made my life hell like her father and thats why im back here to make them all happy regardless of how empty i feel inside with out the man i was with. that also explains why i feel the way i do towards my ex husband, i can see small changes he is trying to make but it doesnt matter to me anymore im empty inside i dont want to give anymore, i go with the emotions? of every day living to people on the outside everything is great but on the inside im dying.

please give me your input on what you think

thank you, me.

July 17, 2013
7:57 am
Avatar
2013ways
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 431
Member Since:
January 8, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

wondering,

When a persons happiness is dependent on another person that is not an emotionally safe palce to be. It is best practice to end a relationship with someone first before you begin a new one. You are still in a relationship with your husband. You will need to resolve that relationship both physically and emotionally before you can even think about beginning another one. Once you make a decsion about your husband it would help if you could seek out professional counseling to deal with that situation and to find out why you can't be happy without being in a romantic relationship. 

Here is another great article. http://www.glynissherwood.com/.....et-over-it

Check it out and tell me what you think. 

Ocean

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 17, 2013
11:12 am
Avatar
wondering2012
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 33
Member Since:
July 15, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i read the article again and that fits my ex with me. when im not around his life makes no sense to him and he is lost and confused. i re-read what i had posted about the emptiness with out the other guy, and that makes me sound addicted to him as well, but i can survive with out him if need be if thats the choice and out come of things between us. yes, i would miss him but its the friendship we have i would miss, before we een started on an intimae level we became friends first. i have known him for almost 3 yrs and we where only together not quite a yr. he is a truck driver and is always gone for 2-3 weeks and we would see each other when he came in for his home time. i dnt need to be with him every waking min or talk with him every min, but i enjoyed our time together and enjoy when we get to talk. we have same goals and ideas of things but also have our differences also and respect each other for that. i do plan on ending with the ex husband before starting another relationship and the ex bf has a gf and im not going to make him leave her so i can run back to him but i enjoy having him as a friend.

July 17, 2013
1:34 pm
Avatar
2013ways
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 431
Member Since:
January 8, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Wondering,

When do you plan on ending things with your husband? 

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 17, 2013
3:31 pm
Avatar
wondering2012
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 33
Member Since:
July 15, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

soon..i need to save some money..i dnt have a place to gi ad im not going straight to another man.

July 17, 2013
4:30 pm
Avatar
2013ways
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 431
Member Since:
January 8, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think you have a great plan, please let me know what steps you are taking to reach your goal.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 17, 2013
5:58 pm
Avatar
wondering2012
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 33
Member Since:
July 15, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

opening up a savings acount and sitting a portion of my check in it starting school to get mycertifications back for cna

July 23, 2013
8:57 pm
Avatar
2013ways
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 431
Member Since:
January 8, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hello wondering,

Your plan is perfect. When do you start CNA school? When do you get your certification back?

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 24, 2013
4:45 pm
Avatar
wondering2012
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 33
Member Since:
July 15, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i start aug 8th can not be soon enough trust me. i had a talk with my daughter today she came in when i was talking to my ex bf she asked me if he was single would i leave again to be with him. i have come to a decision it doesnt matter weather he is or isnt single i will eventually leave. im tired ofgiving and giving i was treated a certain way for the first time in my life and i loved it, i dnt want anything less than that i deserve it. i have the right to be happy as well as everyone else and not me just making people happy. school will take 9 months and i will have 5 certifications. cna,cma, home health aid, ekg tech and phlebotomy tech. should be able to get some kind of job making something or even 2 jobs if i have to.

July 24, 2013
7:39 pm
Avatar
2013ways
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 431
Member Since:
January 8, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I admire you for your ambition. Yes you deserve to be loved. When do you start school?

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 25, 2013
11:08 am
Avatar
wondering2012
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 33
Member Since:
July 15, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

august 8th, talked with them yesterday and only need to bring in one paper and sign one i forgot to and everything is all set to go. o have always had bition but put things on hold for my family, now they are all over 18 so its my turn to live now. im sure my ex husband loves me but how much does one person have to give of ones self to make another person happy.

July 26, 2013
6:41 pm
Avatar
2013ways
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 431
Member Since:
January 8, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am happy to hear that you took the initiative to move forward with your plans to go to school. It's not your responsiblity to make anyone happy anymore than your happiness is their responsiblity. Every individual is an expert on what makes them happy and has the choice to be happy.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 26, 2013
8:40 pm
Avatar
wondering2012
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 33
Member Since:
July 15, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

took me a long time to realize that, actually way to long, but i guess better late than never. just wish everything would speed up and be done with.

July 29, 2013
7:11 pm
Avatar
wondering2012
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 33
Member Since:
July 15, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

why is it that when a person wants to leave a relationship you have to explain yourself or tell the other person? why cant a person just walk away and leave a note or nothing. should not have to explain yourself and how much trying does one have to do before its ok for everyone to walk away? my daughter says i dnt try hard enough. do i show her or tell her my story and ask how much more do i give of myself to please this man, where and when does my happiness begin? i cant help that i have fallen in love with an amazing person that has treated me better than i have ever been treated in 22 yrs of marriage. i never knew this is what happiness and love was suppose to feel like. sometimes i think just calling it quits would make things so much easier. i know my issues are nothing compared to some but i too deserve happiness like everyone and piece.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
33
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111165
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
anissafield, Aemorph, CaitlynForlong, AndrinNetzer, MaarcusPedersen, MarcusPedersen
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information