Avatar

Please consider registering
guest

sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register

Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_TopicIcon
Outbursts of Anger...
May 1, 2001
1:34 am
Avatar
Butterflz
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well, where do I start...well I guess first of all I will mention that my mother was very abusive, both physically and verbally towards me. I grew up in a very loud and chaotic home. My mother did not speak in a normal tone, only a scream, accompanied by massive outbursts of rage. Chairs would fly, dishes, whatever was within reach. During these explosions I would put my siblings in their bedroom while I would try to break things up between my parents, which only made things worse. I have been thrown through closets, walls, down steps, beaten with every possible object, and called every name in the book.

Anyways, I always took it as a child so my siblings wouldn't have to. I have always promised myself to never be that way. Now that I am an adult I see little things that could lead to bigger things. I have witnessed myself having similar outbursts, but not to the same extemity. My outbursts are words only, but Im afraid in time it will become what I lived with. The thought of that scares me so much. I want to stop the cycle now before it starts. What steps should I take to learn a new way of dealing with anger?

May 1, 2001
12:23 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Awareness is the key factor here. Unfortunately our parents are our primary teachers. You must excercise controll, and learn to act vs react. Be patient with your self, and just remember that you are in controll, and maintain your controll. Counseling might help you with your fear, but its knowing when your out of controll, and practice, practice,practice.

May 1, 2001
5:50 pm
Avatar
Butterflz
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I appreciate your reply very much. . It is so difficult sometimes to keep myself under control, my emotions are just too strong at times. I am currently looking for some type of anger management classes or counseling. However, I am not exactly sure of what I am looking for. Basically, I want to learn better techniques of effective communication, as well as resolving issues without losing control. Any suggestions are appreciated.

May 1, 2001
8:18 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I don't know about you, but there is nothing like the feeling of not being heard, interrupted, or ignored, that triggers my anger, I get this zing feeling. I know now that is my clue, that I am going into fight or flight mode, haven't done it in a long while.You learn to recognize symptoms in your self, if you can pay attention. Wanting to be different, wanting change is your motivation, learning that its not all about you, is a key in the process too. You might try to figure out what you are usually angry at, is it a monthly thing, is it a tired thing, is there any pattern to it at all? These are all questions that any counselor will ask you. When you think you are going to loose controll, step away, go take 10 deep breaths, and then go back to the confrontation. You really could use exercise to use up some of the energy, it does take lots of energy to toss a tantrum, and if you have allready spent that energy, its harder to toss the fit. There are some communications books on the shelves, you might look at Dr. Irenes site for clues on verbal abuse, that usually starts the wars, or used to in our house. you'll find too, at least I did, when you feel like your more in controll of your life, you have more controll over your emotional outbursts. A strong loving sense of self, helps too, often insecurity is masked by outbursts.

May 1, 2001
11:48 pm
Avatar
superkittykat
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well i get too mad at My family. More like the animals. they piss me off so much and i yell and i feeling like killing them. I come times get so mad at them that i smack them and hit them. I have all the animals scared at me. I hate being this way but ever sence my grandfather was alive i have been this way. He was a Mean person when he was alive and i think i might of learned everything from him and i relly want to be a nomarl perosn. I feel like if i dont stop i will go to HELL and i really want t the lord to forgive me and take me when i die to live with him with all the angels.I find it very hard to get over this. The other thing that makes me mad is the person next door. He keeps on making me upset . He calls me everything in the book and its so hard not to get mad.My grandma makes me mad to. She calls me fat and gets in my business and it feels like she doesnt know what she is talking about then she gets in my business and it makes me mad i start yelling and cussing. I wish all this madness would go away. I pray and pray asking for help but theres none. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

May 2, 2001
12:22 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ever hear God helps those that helps themselves. In the bible, it clearly languages, treat others the way you want to be treated. When I have found my self surrounded by nasty people, I try to act Christ like, and come from a place of love, like he did, he had many enemies, and loved them. Be an example, controll your behavior. You sound young, and might need some support from perhaps your school counselor. Sometimes people sound mean, because they are insecure, or their parents were like that and they know no other way, be an example, tell those around you that the yelling and cussing hurts, and to please stop it. Speak polite, and almost whisper, it makes them listen. If you are christian, you know that all is forgiven, and that you are loved, stay involved in your church, talk to your pastor, or priest, and practice being a good person.

May 3, 2001
7:29 am
Avatar
janes
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Kitty

Like Molly says...the Lord helps those that help themselves.

Try writing your feelings down in a journal.

My kids have grown up with their grandparents in the smae house and some of the same things have happended with grama. but their grandpa isn't mean.

BUT YOU know and recognize the wrong things they do..doesn't mean that YOU can CHANGE them tho'

BUT you can change YOU and how you REACT to them.... Maybe Jesus wants YOU to to forgive them....like he forgives you when you do wrong...all you have to do is ASK Him...maybe you could start in your heart just reminding yourself to forgive them .

Keep your voice quiet and as mad as you get....keep control. Easy to say hard to do but at least a place to start.

Butterfliz...since you recognize the little signs...as soon as you see one - leave the room and think about what your next response should be...overreact within yourself to the signs of anger you recognize...Look for some books on anger mangagment while you seek a group or a counselor.
By overreacting to your self...you may be able to break the cycle. Get yourself OUT of the situation..then analyze it....are you getting upset over not having control--of the situation, of the person? are they ignoring important points you need to make?

Just an idea hope it helps...both of you are so much farther ahead of me in the awareness dept. comparing me to you at the same age.

Keep up the GOOD work....at least you are both alive and aware of changes you might need to make.

Smiles.

May 4, 2001
3:45 pm
Avatar
calico
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank god! There are others who struggle with this. You know, society treats men like they are the only ones who can act like creatons. Well, I'm a woman and I know there are times that if I was armed, a massacre would ensue. This is why I'm anti guns. Ha Ha. But seriously, I deal with Butterflz's issue every day in my relationship. My dilemia is posted in the thread entitled abusive relationship. My boyfriend grew up with a mother who, although she has been in therapy for years, has an overwhelming desire to control. As a result, he is extremely controlling and possessive of me. This makes my generally female dog like personality very agitated at times and I loose control of my emotions on him and often find myself kicking and hitting him. His immediate response is to hit back because we have both pushed each other too far. Unfortunately hes very anti-therapy and can be as stubborn as cement when he's heated. But he's also inherently decent and loves me. So, hopefully if I can at least get him to agree to couples therapy even just a few sessions, he will see that things can be better with a little work. I myself have a counselor who I work with on anger management. It really helps to admit my tendancies to her and have her not gafaw at me like I'm a monster (which is often how I view myself in retrospect). It increases my self-esteem and makes me less angry already. I suggest a similar course of action for Butterflz as one thing is true, these problems are inherited. Self awareness is key but it is not the end all be all cure. It takes time I believe. You may find yourself having outbursts like your mother did, not because you are a monster but because that is what is familiar. It is the way conflict was dealt with when you were forming psychologically and it is completely understandable that you would tap into that as an adult. In essence, you don't know anything else. That does not mean that you can't learn other outlets. And as you fear, it will progress into your childhood memories if you don't give it some attention! Things can always progress in the same direction they are headed. So, you just have to change your direction and there are people who can show you how. You'll be surprised how much difference even the littlest realizations can make in your behavior. Anyone who says people don't change is in a cave. In my 26 years on earth, I've changed a billion times. Think about it, even our cells recycle every 7 years. That means every 7 years, we are physically different people. Why would it be different for us psychologically. Our cells make up our psychology too. Life is a constant identity search that way. All you have to do is not let your anger define who you are. Only you can do that. Keep calm as much as you can and just remind yourself that you are a worthwile person and even if someone is not listening or validating you enough, they may after some time for reflection and even if they don't you can validate yourself. I agree that god helps those who help themselves, but don't mistake that for some outside force. Turning to God is always a good idea as long as it is not a tool for avoidance. Turning to God means that you turn on the inherent inner strength that he created you with. Trust it and believe in it. If you believe in God, then remember that he/it created us to be who we are, otherwise he/it would have made us into something else. So, love yourself and then do your best to love others. And, even when you get off track and forget, know that that is a weakness you were created with, so for whatever reason it is there. Don't hate it, try and reason with it. If you don't believe in God necessarily, then at least believe in the logic behind that statement "God helps those who help themselves" it can easily be substituted with "You can help yourself if you believe that you can." Believe in God or believe in yourself. Either way, you can progress as a person.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
49 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass: 1134

zarathustra: 562

StronginHim77: 453

free: 433

2013ways: 431

curious64: 408

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 49

Members: 109471

Moderators: 5

Admins: 3

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8

Forums: 74

Topics: 38532

Posts: 714181

Newest Members:

rctyfDazy, AlinaAboLa, arinkaDazy, bujhbxDazy, cbvjyzDazy, natashabj2

Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0

Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer